PLEASE HELP; I Think I Have an Eating Disorder?
I am 19 y/o and have been told that I'm bulimic by my boyfriend. About 8 or 9 months ago is when I first tried making myself throw up. It was hard and it hurt my throat so I didn't do it much, but over time I tried it more, hoping it would help me lose weight. I've always been insecure, I'm a perfectionist, and always want to be in control of things. I threw up more & more until it became my way of dealing with things. If I get upset or overwhelmed I do it, if I see a skinny beautiful girl on TV, I feel the urge to do it. Sometimes I would eat a lot then throw up, feeling guilty & ashamed of myself. But other times I wouldn't binge and I'd still throw up. My eating patterns are different now. I haven't thrown up nearly as much as I used to. But I still get the urge a lot... I have been taking diet pills and eating very little. I'm scared if I eat I will throw up. My boyfriend has been helping me get through this, I'm trying to do it for him because I love him & he hates seeing me hurt myself, but he is started to get frustrated with it. I am scared if I throw up he will blame me because last time we talked about it he said if I cared about him enough, I'd stop. I can't explain it to him. He doesn't understand. I don't know what to do. I am scared. Please help me.

I have thought about actually getting help, weekly therapy at this place close to my house. But I don't currently have a job to pay for it and I'm not sure if I feel my problem is serious enough to seek help. My parents don't know about this and I don't want them too. I don't see how I could get this therapy under our insurance without them finding out.

Hi I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through.

I definitely think your problem is serious enough to consider therapy. Any thoughts or actions you have about strongly controlling what you eat or have eaten that is a serious indication of an eating disorder.

Its good that you have your boyfriend to help you, but you need to be getting help for your benefit not for the benefit of your boyfrind. It will only make you feel more guilty if you do end up making yourself vomit because you know it will hurt your boyfriend.

I thinik you need to seriously consider why you feel the need to be like all the skinny girls on TV and definitely think about some therapy.If you cannot talk to your parents, is there another family member you can trust to talk to. Perhaps they could help out with the money for the therapy?
I hope you get this sorted, keep me up to date with how you get on. Good luck