When I was about 9 0r 10 years old me and my friend that lived close use to play together. One day there was a little boy about 3 0r 4 that used to play out with his sisters. My friend manipulated him and took him into a shed and started touching him. Being young and naïve I stupidly followed him. Its an event I forgot about as it was over 15 years ago. But lateley as I've been depressed this childhood memory I tried to brush off is tormenting me. I try to tell myself I was a child and didn't know what I was doing but it still torments me and eats away at me to this day as I love children and would never do anything to harm them but I can't seem to get it out of my head its like the worst of the worst things you can do as a human being. I have become obsessed with it. What's worse is the poor boy is about 15 or 16 now and I think I recognised him on a YouTube vid . I feel close to suicide because its eating me up. I'm smoking and drinking and have no motivation to do anything with my life like work or make money and socialise because of this event. Maybe this is my karma I feel guilty and ashamed. This thought and event is haunting me now and I was leading a happy life before but now I feel lifeless.

First off, you were young and had no idea how that sort of thing could effect the boy later on in life, but for all you know, the boy might not even remember! If you're feeling this bad then maybe do something to apologize to him. Did the boy on YouTube seem unhappy? If not then he probably only remembers 2 boys that were mean to him that one time. BUT if you're still uneasy then the only thing you can do is apologize and hope he's forgiven you. If it is him in the YouTube video then you can email him a personal message and start from there. But remember, even if you do apologize, it doesn't mean he'll forgive or even remember you. The main thing is for you to do the right thing for yourself. Maybe that thing is to forgive yourself first, after all, you were just a little kid. Try it

It wasn't the guys YouTube channel but I read comments and people said his name and I worked out the ages even though the memory is vague my gut tells me it is him. He is a gangster rapper now and seems to be getting on with his life. Maybe I just need to get over it because it happened years ago when I was a child and I haven't thought about it for years and now when I think about it it torments me when before I would brush it off as something silly when I was a kid. I think I must have ocd or something I just want to be happy and stress free. If its not this then its another thing that seems torments me.

Roberto136,
Seek psychological help from a professional. He or she can help you work through traumatic events of your past, so you can forgive yourself and so you can move on.