So last year, I lied to my friends at the time that a guy we knew who had asked me to homecoming (and I turned him down, he creeped me out) had raped me. As soon as it was out of my mouth, the guilt started to press in on me. I'm bipolar and was in an impulsive, manic state, and then slipped into depression for the entire year afterwards. I've lied like this before about something; but I came clean to those friends and some eventually forgave me. This time, though, the lie was bigger and less easy to explain; I think I did it to get attention and to feel loved or like someone was listening, but I'm not even totally sure. I would come clean to them now, but most of them I'm no longer in contact with (they moved, or moved on from the friend group), or I don't trust them not to turn on me and make my life hell (although I might deserve it). I have new friends now and I've moved on and stopped lying and gotten help, but I can't let this go. What's worse is that now I even know somewhat closer to the pain of such a horrible crime, my last boyfriend went farther than I wanted to when I said no, and I can't believe I used to be such a terrible person. What should I do to finally move on from this horrible guilt?

While your confession of being raped may have been partly caused by you being in an impulsive manic state, I think you need to undo what you have done.

The guilt needs to be addressed, and the only way to do that is to end it, by confessing what you did.

If it were anything else said other than a rape, that you identified this man of doing to others, there could be very serious consequences- to him.

You know how it goes- you tell one friend, they tell another friend, etc. and somehow, somewhere that doubt cast upon this man will surface and cause him hardship.

You need to tell ALL the people involved what you have done, and your explanation as you stated it above, should be enough.

To not do anything you may risk further problems down the road, should this man become aware of what you said about him, and involve legal defamation.

While you still have it within your control, to set this right (as opposed to the other end- answering to charges), I advise you to offer your sincerest apologies (and I believe you to be sincere), and leave it at that.

Something else to consider is that because the accusation is so potentially damaging to this man, why not run this by a lawyer and see what advice he/she can give you, to minimize any potential problems down the road.

I have no way to contact them. We don't talk. The guy never knew and moved away. I don't know how to find any of them, I've tried old phone numbers, Facebook, everything. They're gone, all but one, who I confessed to, and she hit me and never spoke to me again.