hi my name is kevin and for nearly 3 years I've been severely depressed I've been able to fight the depression with little missions to cure myself but none have worked and I've ran out of ideas when I was 19 I felt great id go out nearly every night and have a right laugh with ma mates in the pub work was very stressful but I combated it with a good night out I smoked 40 a day and drank like a fish but I felt great then suddenly my hair started falling out around the side of my head which is the area that used to burn when I got stressed at work, then I started to develop bier spotsall over my body which are lots and lots of white spots all over my body which I've seen countless gps and dermatologists and most don't know what they are and some say they can't be cured so that's a total mind f%^& and as they got worse I got worse I stopped hanging out with friends to the point I have no friends and haven't been out in nearly 3 years I go to work but I go str8 home and sit in my house all night and have done for nearly 3 years I've tried acupuncture, chinese medicine, gave up all gluten/wheat/dairy and I haven't smoked or drnak in a year and half and if anythign I've got worse ? :( I've got an itch all over my body that doesn't go away my eyebrows are extremely itchy and are fallign out and that's without me scratching them :eek: I used to get into fights for no reason a year ago when this all started and now I can't look people in the face and afraid of my own shadow I've tried suicide as well last year I jumped in front of a taxi but am still here and when I was asked if it was an accident I couldn't say I meant it as my family where there so I put it down to drink and not seeing the taxi to make everyone feel okay about it, I'm at the point now every morning I go tgrough a routine and if it isn't right I don't go out I feel suicidal everyday but don't do anything because of my family what can I do I want to be locked away in a peaceful room where I don't have to see people and I can finally let my guard down about all these incurable diseases as all I want is to be normal but there incurable so I can't ever be normal :(

Perhaps its time to see a psychaitrist? I would guess that they will require you to have a routine physical to rule out anything physical. There is no need to live in the kind of discomfort you are describing when there is lots of help in the world. Last I checked that peaceful room you dream of doesn't exist unless its of your own making. I can tell you the locked psych ward is not fun.

I'm sorry you are suffering so.

If I may... This is a bit outside the box - but I knew a young man who suffered similar to what you describe. He was very dutiful and thought he had to do what was expected of him. The result was that he became very ill.

Suicide was never an option. He got so desperate that he decided he was even hurting the people he cared about.

One day he packed a bag and simply walked away. Walked away from everything, parents, home, friends, and job.

He moved away, got a job that called for minimum stress, and began to work on improving his health. He did visit home but on his terms.

Some people try so hard to be 'good' people that they become ill every time they feel they have disappointed someone or let someone down.

Now I don't know if you are that type of person but, since you have tried everything else, I thought it worth mentioning.

It is obviously a psychological problem since doctors have found no reason for it.

I believe you are, be it unknowingly, making yourself ill. Perhaps in order to avoid doing something you are feeling very pressured into doing.

Take an honest look at your life. Where are you? Do you want to be there? If not what can you do about it?

If there is anyone you care about, forget suicide. My father committed suicide - it might have ended his misery but it was only the beginning of ours.

Just think about what I have said. PM me if you like.

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Originally Posted by fendertele

hi my name is kevin and for nearly 3 years ive been severly depressed ive been able to fight the depression with little missions to cure myself but none have worked and ive ran out of ideas when i was 19 i felt great id go out nearly every night and have a right laugh with ma mates in the pub work was very stressful but i combated it with a good night out i smoked 40 a day and drank like a fish but i felt great then suddenly my hair started falling out around the side of my head which is the area that used to burn when i got stressed at work, then i started to develop bier spotsall over my body which are lots and lots of white spots all over my body which ive seen countless gps and dermatologists and most dont know what they are and some say they can't be cured so thats a total mind f%^& and as they got worse i got worse i stopped hanging out with friends to the point i have no friends and havent been out in nearly 3 years i go to work but i go str8 home and sit in my house all night and have done for nearly 3 years ive tried acupuncture, chinese medicine, gave up all gluten/wheat/dairy and i havent smoked or drnak in a year and half and if anythign ive got worse ? :( ive got an itch all over my body that doesnt go away my eyebrows are extremely itchy and are fallign out and thats without me scratching them :eek: i used to get into fights for no reason a year ago when this all started and now i can't look people in the face and afraid of my own shadow ive tried suicide aswell last year i jumped infront of a taxi but am still here and when i was asked if it was an accident i couldnt say i meant it as my family where there so i put it down to drink and not seeing the taxi to make everyone feel okay about it, im at the point now every morning i go tgrough a routine and if it aint right i dont go out i feel suicidal everyday but dont do anything because of my family what can i do i want to be locked away in a peaceful room where i dont have to see people and i can finally let my gaurd down about all these incurable diseases as all i want is to be normal but there incurable so i can't ever be normal :(

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Kevin, I am sorry that you have to live like that. You sound like my little bro. its almost like you described him to a t when he was 19. Unfortunetly he isn't going to make it past 19. He hung himself 6 months ago. I can't imagine what depression is like or how life is when everything just seems to fall to , but you hve to believe that there is a light on the other side. That this suicide is a perm solution to a perm problem. And I'm sure your saying what do I know. I don't know what depression is like... but I know how I feel now. And I wish I could join my brother, but just because you don't feel important or needed doesn't mean you are. If I killed myself to be w my bro who will take care of my ma. Or anyone who loved me>? Watching my mom and family go through what we are or those who are going through it to.. talk to someone talk to me... I don't have any answers or medicine but nothing is better than human healing. And as far as itching and hair falling out. it you have been sober for a year... then your body is probably adjusting to it.. with drawls. I hope that I get a response from you :) smile. Someone could be falling in love with it

Hi there,

You are perfectly normal so please don't feel that because you are going through this alone, that you are the only one suffering from depression. I agree with the other two posts that getting some outside help such as counseling will help enormously and because a therapist can help you to identify why it is you feel depressed and suicidal. You can also be referred by a doctor at no cost at all to one and it will be a psychologist you will see.

A couple of good books for you to read will help you tremendously by Liz Adamson called releasing pain and releasing anger because depression is after all, a culmination of both. The books cost £5 each which will be around $20 for both books but a well worth buy. They helped me enormously and this is the only author I have ever come across who knows what she is talking about and explains what depression is, the symptoms and causes and how to treat it with exercises in the book for you to follow.

You are crying out for help and people are there to help you, but reaching out for support isn't always easy but it is there. People with depression take prescribed medications in the hope that they will be cured of it, but end up dissapointed when they realize that depression isn't an illness (it is a response to underlying emotional injury) the medical profession are already aware of and why many patients are referred to psychologists. Your depression isn't a life-long illness or anything like that at all (All depression is the result of emotional pain that you have simply learned to shut off from) and why pain later transmutes into a depression. You can choose to stop depression from ruining your life and by acknowledging that you have depression is the very first step. I always find it useful to write down what is entering my head and how I feel when feelings of depression hit me and the feelings disappear after I have written down what comes up when I get down.

Releasing inner feelings is the key to getting rid of depression but it takes time and to understand what depression really is and how to manage it. This is why I have suggested Liz Adamson to you because she is incredible and the best place to start you on the road to healing from depression. Never shut yourself off because that will only increase your feelings of lonliness and isolation and will cause you to fear venturing outside of your home. I honestly know what you are going through and really feel bad for you, but you can change the way you feel and you can stop depression but first you need to seek help for it and to read up on how to treat it.

Good luck to you and hope that you manage to read her books - it will change your whole perspective on what you think depression is and what it really is. This isn't going to plague your life unless you want it to. Dwelling in depression is an easy thing to do too, but getting active will also release positive hormones into your body and cause you to feel 90% better than you do already so go for a run every day early in the morning no matter what you feel like or how bad outside it is - it is guaranteed to make you feel better I promise you. You are depressed for a reason and to find out why, you need to dig deep inside to find out why (what enters your mind most when you do feel depressed?) our dreams can often tell us what is happening inside of us.

I wish you so much luck but I give 100% accurate and good advice always! X