Ask Me Help Desk - HELP! Please a little girls heart wants a daddy

I have a 12 year old daughter who does not know her bio-father. He lives in Ohio, we live in PA. He met her only twice 1- the day she was born 2- when she was 6 months old at the court house in the hallway when we got divorced. I left him when I was 6 months pregnant for our safety. I have raised her on my own for with sporatic child support and that was only when he had a job on the books because it is court ordered. I remarried in 2010 and my husband is a wonderful father to my dughter. She has asked him if he would be her Daddy. He said he would be honored! I called my ex. Her bio-father, to ask if he would sign off his rights. He said he would because it was best for her. My husband, daughter and I went to see an attorney and they drew up the paperwork. It was sent registered mail and he signed for it. Since then (a month ago) my ex. Has not returned the signed paperwork. I have called but he will not pick up the phone. I called his house and his new wife picked up and said she wouldn't get in the middle ot it. Since he has never met her, are their any steps I can take to furhter this along? I read somewhere that in order to prove abandonment I have to place ads in local news papers in the area where he lives. Is this true? And if so what should they say? Or can we just petition the court? PLease help. My daughter waits everyday for word of his signing this paperwork. The stabiblity of this marriage has made a world of difference to her, and She feels anxious about him changing his mind and not signing. I don't know what to do next...

Talk to your attorney. If you can prove that he received the paperwork and has not responded, have a hearing scheduled. He can be sent notice of the hearing and, if he fails to show, the court will likely grant the adoption by default.

This is not a case of abandonment and placing an ad doesn't apply because you know where the father is and have contact with him.

Unless the father consciously says he will not allow the adoption, then the courts will be likely to approve it.

Also tell your daughter that, whatever happens in court, your husband is her "daddy". She doesn't need a piece of paper to reinforce that.

I am not a lawyer, but my daughter is and she has experience in Family Law. Here is what I know from listening to her. Find a lawyer and learn about the laws in your state. That is what it comes down to. The laws. There may well be a way to get leagal closure to this without the cooperation of your ex. Good luck1 You sound like a great mom :)

One more thought. It sounds like you daughter has great Daddy in your current husband. If all else fails it may be a good time for her to learn that you don't always need a piece of paper to have happiness. You and your husband are married and she is very much a part of that family!

Quote:

Originally Posted by AtLarge

Find a lawyer and learn about the laws in your state.

In case you hadn't noticed the OP said she already had an attorney. My answer was given with an understanding of the laws, which permit the courts to grant the adoption without the father's approval as long as he is aware of the proceedings and doesn't specifically refuse permission.

To Casey,

I would also try one more time to get him to send back the paperwork, telling him that, if he doesn't you will be forced to pursue enforcement of the support order.

You can not post in the newspaper, since he has a address, you know where he is and has already received legal service there.

You will have to file in court for the adoption, and try to show reasons, if the bio father does not show up, then the court often will allow.

Of course you attorney should be contacting him about things he can do to start collecting support, perhaps try and get his drivers license taken away, perhaps try to get him arrested for non payment and so on.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Talk to your attorney. ...

What ScottGem said. My guess is that the attorney sent off the paperwork to your ex and hasn't given it a thought since. Remind the attorney that there is usually more than one way to skin a cat.

Thank you for all your responses. I have had some support and when he stops paying they have taken his license but then he pays just enough to get it back. This is just aweful. He has never met her and has never sent a card, called, or even tried to attempt to see her,( which is fine because I feel it would just confuse her and he would have to do it with someone else for safety reasons) but why would he not just sign the papers?
OK so let me get this straight. I should have my attorney send him another registered letter stating that we have a court date and that if he wants to contest he should be there?
AND why is this not abandonment? He has never made contact with her in 12 1/2 years? Doesn't that constitute abandonment? Or it is the fact that we know where he is and we can send him certified letters there. At any case. You are correct that she now has a wonderful Daddy who loves her and cares for her deeply. She just wants to make it legal and have the same name as the rest of the family. My daughter wants a full legal family.
If anyone has any other suggestions I will welcome them.
Thank you

Quote:

Originally Posted by Casey258

... OK so let me get this straight. I should have my attorney send him another registered letter stating that we have a court date and that if he wants to contest he should be there?
...

More-or-less. Your attorney can figure it out, but basically your attorney writes a petition for adoption, gives the father notice of the hearing, giving him an opportunity to object. If he doesn't object, or if the court determines that his objection is not sufficient, the adoption is ordered. In most states, there are statutory grounds for granting the adoption whether the father agrees with it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Casey258

... AND why is this not abandonment? ...

You want your husband to be able to adopt her. "Abandonment", whatever that means, is not what the law calls the justification for waiving a natural parent's right to object to step-parent adoption.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Casey258

AND why is this not abandonment? He has never made contact with her in 12 1/2 years? Doesnt that constitute abandonment?

Abandonment is a criminal offense where someone leaves a child without any adult supervision. In a few places abandonment could mean failure to support. But in those cases, it can only be used to force support not force an adoption.

Abandonment could be used as grounds to terminate rights but that's what you are doing. You tell the judge that your husband wants to adopt and that the father has not been a part of your daughter's life to the point of not showing up at the hearing or signing the papers. So you are asking the grant the adoption because of that.

But the placing of ad is a tool used when you don't know how to reach the other parent, that's not the case here. I really think you have little to worry about.