Hey guys, please help...

My head is one BIG MESS!
There's this guy I like, I have been getting to know him for just over 6 months now, the more I speak and see him the more I like him. Nothing has happened as yet, hug is as far as we have gone! (apparently his is because he respects me, as I have turned him down due to fear and worries from my behalf, as I am extremely unexperienced and he isnt) I am 18 and he is 21, he has been in many r'ships involving sex etc, I haven't been in any and still a virgin. I obviously eventually want to end up with him, and although I have turned him down several times, he still comes back to me, he carries on texting, msning, myspacing etc. apparently he is really keen on me. But I have fears going through my head such as...
- what happens if its all about image or sex?
- what happens if it all goes wrong?
- what happens if I find out he is a different person to what I knew?

Does this all seem silly to have some many questionsand fears running through my mind? Why am I being like this? But then I think to myself well if there's all these questions can I really like him? But he is on my mind all the time?

I know it probably won't be the last r'ship I'm in, especially as I am not looking for anything serious at current, but I'm worried about getting hurt, or humilated. How do you ever trust a lad?

But also I think I need to talk to him about the way I feel? See if he would take it slowly etc? Would this be the best idea?

Please all help is muchly appreciated as I'm going insane thinking about it all the time!

A good book for you to read is called, "Single Wisdom" by Dr. Paris Fenner-Williams.

Take your time with this guy - if you are sure he is the one you want to hook up with - take your time. If he respects you now and you are saying no to sex, then he should continue to respect your cholce to remain a virgin. Too often, when we are young, we want to rush into a relationship without knowing the person to the fullest extent. We count on something that perhaps is not there. Then we get disdappointed and hurt and wonder why we got into the situation we are in. I am not saying your boyfriend is like that - I hope he is not.

Exploring the relationship without the sexual component is fun, enjoyable, and safe. If you have sex now - what do you have to look forward to? I know I am talking like a Mom here but I wasonce in that place you are - 18 dating a 21 yr old and thinking I was in love.

How do you ever trust a lad? He has to be true to you, truthful to you, respectful of your feelings, show honor to you and be reliable. Also look how he treats others - his family, friends, co workers, etc. You are looking for the stability of his personality, as well as his character.

Hope this helped you a little bit. Wishing the best.

Most communication has nothing to do with words or concepts, but with body language and tone. That being the case, I can't form a very reliable opinion of this guy from what you've said. However, if he's still concerned with you after 6 months, and he hasn't shown signs of impatience or anger, he's probably a decent guy. The above comment is correct, and followed by some CEOs for employment purposes: how does he treat others? Study him when he talks to waiters/waitresses during an evening out. Is he respectful and courteous to people of lower status? That's a big clue.

Going on the little I know (which is extremely little), he sounds good for you.

How does he treat his mother?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by crazy_chick88

hey guys, please help...


- what happens if its all about image or sex?
- what happens if it all goes wrong?
- what happens if i find out he is a different person to what i knew?

does this all seem silly to have some many questionsand fears running through my mind? why am i being like this? but then i think to myself well if theres all these questions can i really like him? but he is on my mind all the time?

i know it probably wont be the last r'ship im in, especially as i am not looking for anythin serious at current, but im worried about gettin hurt, or humilated. how do you ever trust a lad?

but also i think i need to talk to him about the way i feel? see if he would take it slowly etc? would this be the best idea?

please all help is muchly appreciated as im going insane thinking about it all the time!

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CrazyChick -

Not sure why you choose that name, as you are far from crazy. You are a bright bright young lady and I am very impressed with the questions you have asked yourself.

There is nothing silly at all about the questions that you have asked yourself. I wish all young ladies with ask these same questions. You asked, "Why am I asking all of these questions?" That is because you have SELF RESPECT and good for you.

To be quiet honest, the fact that he still around, well, could mean he is a good guy, but I would in no way let that be an indicator of his sincerity.

Yes, having an open conversation with your boyfriend is very important. But first, you need to figure out what YOU want first. Are you really ready? Is he really the one you want to give yourself to? Do you really know him after 6 months?? Let's not forget about
Protection and all that goes with having sex.

Personally, my opinion? No, at this point, right now... don't do it. I am changing your name from Crazychick to Brightyounglady :), as that is just what you are. My reasons for saying NO, are

- Six (6) months is just not enough time to know someone
- You have asked some very good questions, so I think you yourself have the same doubts.

Brightyounglady, :) what's the rush? If he truly is a wonderful young man, he will accept your decision to wait, and he will still be by your side, being a part of your life, as the two of you learn more about each other, share more things with each other and develop a bond worthy of giving of yourself in a way that only someone very special and sees you the same way, deserves.

If you take your time and get to know someone, then you can judge better how you feel, and how they feel. Date and have fun and set your boundaries and stick to them. Go slow as there is no hurry to do anything, trust me you have plenty of time to explore and understand each other. Just have fun and see how things are, after a year of dating and getting to know each other. If your having a great time, the time will go fast. Slow is the key to developing relationships.

Truth reveals itself slowly-- even true love is bound by that because of how trust builds slowly. I was only willing to go very slow with a lovely man who wanted to go much faster. He complained a little (jokingly) but three years later, he thanked me for my wisdom about that when he proposed to me. That was astonishing to me. Being slow allowed us to learn how to address our greater concerns very openly/honestly with each other -- a characteristic that is one of several main ones in our very satisfying relationship.

I won't say that slow is wrong. It is whatever it's consequence becomes. But as to the original question, I don't see how six months translates into "using" someone for sex. It doesn't read. Most guys who are like that would've moved on by now. "There are many fish in the sea" isn't something a user of women says after a breakup, but is instead the first thing in his mind when approaching women. To him, it's just a numbers game, and women are just taking a ticket. I doubt many of them would spend so much time on one girl.

Of course, that doesn't mean he's "the one" or right for you. He could be sincere and decent but very wrong anyway. Just that I don't think he's using you either.