My husband and I have been married for 5 years and been together for 10. Just yesterday I found a few emails he had send a co worker 5 yrs ago. Apparently he was seeing this girl while we were married and they were having sex. He would make plans to see her, call her etc.. The emails started 2 months after we married so I can only assume that's when it started. I'm torn! I'm currently not speaking to him. I can't look at him. The biggest issue here is that we have a 16 month old and I feel like I have to talk to him because of our little boy. I don't know how to deal with this. I'm so upset, angry that he lied to me and disgusted.

Ever197,

You need to find a way to communicate with your husband and not only for the sake of your kid!
As hurtful as it must be to have found those e-mails, don't assume anything about when the affair started. Another issue you will have to deal with, when talking to your husband, is that you also broke his trust by looking through his e-mails. This might not seem relavant to you momentarily because you are so deeply hurt. Consider it when you finally talk to your husband. Try to stay calm when you put the issue on the table. This way your husband might fully open up to you and it will be easier for you to make a decision.
How much is your marriage/your relationship worth it to you to work this through?

Thank you for your advise. We have talked about it but it was more on an angry level in my part. At this moment I'm not speaking to him. I can't even look at him. Yes! I see how I broke his trust by looking through his email however I don't regret it at all. Before we were about to get married I had read a conversation between him and this girl. Something that was right in front of me because he left his MySpace acct opened. We talked and promised me it was nothing. So we married. Furthermore, the reason I looked into his emails 2 days ago was because he left his phone at home and an email came through. I looked because it sounded like a text. Came across an email from his ex girlfriend wishing him happy Birthday. That's how I came across the other emails.

I'm sorry... I may be wrong here but breaking his trust by reading his emails? Really? That's crap. How could that possibly compare to what he did? And it doesn't matter when he was having the affair, you just found out about it now so it may as well have just happened. I can understand the frustration and the feelings of betrayal.

I was married back in October of 1989 and by December of that same year, I discovered she was cheating on me with the next door neighbor. After we had it out and some time went by, she convinced me it was all over and she would never make the same mistake. A few months later, I got suspicious and "broke her trust" by going through her diary. What I discovered in there was that she was cheating on me with numerous people. I guess in that case, breaking her trust saved me from dealing with so much more in the future. What I'm also saying is that I don't personally know your husband but in my opinion, once a cheater, always a cheater. I believe he is very likely to do it again.

It's up to you of course but if it was me, I'd save the future pain and leave him. It sounds like a lot to go through but others have done it and survived. You would go after him for child support and that would help you.

However, maybe you want to try to work things out and I understand that as well. It happens. It happened to me. Just be aware and look for signs and you will know them when you see them.

Good luck to you.

It probably makes it even harder for you because you were unsure in the first place and took a chance by getting married. Getting a professional involved, by going to counseling might help you, even if you end up separating and getting a divorce. But this way it all can be resolved now, rather than to drag the anger out for years on end, which would without a doubt affect your child and your chance to find a healthy new relationship.

Odinn7,
I never said that Ever197 shouldn't have read the e-mails. I simply said that it would be an issue when speaking to her husband. I most likely would have done the same thing in her situation and in yours, for that matter.

I understand that but... there is no way he could use that as a defense... that is what I'm saying.

"Oh! you shouldn't have been reading my email!" Can you imagine that? I think I'd knock him out right there if I was her and he said that to me in this situation. Lol

Odinn7.. Luckily my husband is aware of his mistakes and has apologize a millionth time. He has not once said why did you read my emails. I think if he would've I would probable have to knock him out Lol All jokes aside though. I appreciate both of you's opinions and advise. He wrote me a sincere letter and send me flowers explaining and apologizing for his mistakes. Because of our son and because of the live I have for him our home and our beautiful family I am going to give him another chance. Also because it did happen 5 yrs ago (not that I would forget that easily). I'm taking it slow and see where this relationship goes. Thx a bunch!

Ever 197,
Forgiveness is one of the greatest gifts a human can give, but it usually doesn't happen over night. Congratulations on the strength you provide also for your kid. It is still adviseable for you and your husband to seek professional help. The 'why did he do it' and 'what needs to change for him not to do it again' is still out there. Be careful, for your own protection. How will you deal with a possible future betrayal? I wish you much strength.