Ask Me Help Desk - This is an odd question, I want to get rid of my sexual needs.

First of all please forgive my english, it is not my native language. I'm a mom of 3, 2nd marriage to my now husband that I have known for 10 years. He has been having ED permanently. Due to this he has been having curiousity of other females for past years that lead me into extreme depressed due to the feeling of unwanted and unloved. I'ld just skip the infidelity issue. He has been a changed man now because he do not wants to destroy this marriage which he has been longed for a long time ago blaming me not wanting to marry him. I know I must do something about his ED matter. We discussed this matter over and over again, maybe it was his age, he is 43 I am 37. I'm saying this because he seemed having this habit of forgetting things or my concern isn't really matter and it really upsets me that I have to hold my depressing feelings inside me. He says that he will see doctor but forgets about it later, he says we need to use vibrator and still forgets about it later. I have had this matter holding it in me for 10 years trying not to upset him. Then I thought maybe he is ashame of it and so I boiled some herbs to help him but he seem not interested either. I think he just wants me to accept the fact that he is ED and I must live with it for the rest of my life. I don't want to blame him which is why I kept it in me. Due to all this depression it has cause myself sexual disfunction, my needy getting lesser even though yes I might have the needs maybe once a month which I can handle myself if he's not into it. And I swear to god I have never ever rejected him these 10 years. I do not know why would a man rejects a woman's need and rejects all the help to laying in front of him. I finally came up a solution. I want to permanently destroy my sexual needs, it'll definitely help me saving my marriage because I have no more needs and whether he wants it or not its up to him as long as he is happy and I just serve my responsibility as mom to my beautiful son and still be a wife to my husband. Are there any kind of medicine which I can take long terms to destroy my needs? I heard tying up my tube would help. I'm currently having IUD in me. I know many of you would suggest doctors to help him or counselling, trust me, he do not want that. I'm on the verge of destroying this marriage myself if I'm having depression of needy but not being wanted and long term rejection. Appreciate your respond, thank you in advance.

I know this isn't the advice you want, but it is the advice you need. It is time to talk to a doctor and therapist. Not for him, for yourself.

This may seem like I am being harsh, but if that is what it takes to get you to listen, then so be it.

Stop and think. Your husband may be good at burying his head in the sand, but you are too. Just because he won't get help, why does that mean you shouldn't? Stop taking the blame for everything and accept what part of the responsibility is yours for the state of the marriage. Stop allowing this person to ignore his responsibility. He deserves some blame. Why are you allowing his poor choices to cause you to make your own?

Does he know what you are planning?

Having your tubes tied will not take away your need for sex. Destroying your libido will not take away your need for love and affection that a child(ren) cannot fill. That is a husband's job. It isn't healthy for child(ren) to put them in the position of making you happy. When you live for your child, what happens when the child grows up and has a family of his/her own?

You may be tired of rejection from your husband, but what you are planning would have you rejecting yourself and your family.

Take control. Get help. If he won't go with you, go to counseling by yourself. Show yourself and your child(ren) how a strong and healthy woman deals with issues.

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Originally Posted by wifey01

He has been having ED permanently. Due to this he has been having curiousity of other females for past years that lead me into extreme depressed due to the feeling of unwanted and unloved. I'ld just skip the infidelity issue.

I'm sorry but you lost me with this part. Are you saying that he is seeing other women?

If he is cheating or was cheating and having sex with other women, he does not have a ED issue, ED would mean he can not perform sexually. ( can not get hard) That can normally be treated with medication so he needs to go see his doctor for that.

It seems you need counseling since I see no reason you should be staying with him, being treated like that. But I think there are a lot of issues, most likely way to many and they may need personal attention from someone locally

@Fr_Chuck & Odinn7, I'm sorry for my English. Yes he was cheating emotionally but there were sexting I saw he mentioned that he missed making love to her, which I really do not want to ask further. He has been having this problem getting hard on since even before I knew him. I know in my heart he is denying it and he just do not want to cure it even if I offer, I have done all the things you name it lingerie, seducing, herbs and help him practicing on kegel exercise. I'm just tired, I really believed if a person really loves you, you'll become a better person that you were before. From what I encountered here daily I only seen myself as the worst love one that he got his whole life. I'm certain that he will not cheat again, he had whined to his mom for years that his all school mates already married and I don't want to marry him.

@Cat1864, thank you for responding and don't worry I am fine you just being honest with your answer. And Yes he knows what I'm planning, he chose to ignore or forgets about it easily. He just having this attitude like 'maybe' my wife just venting out of upset, she will be OK tomorrow. He did shows that he cares by touching and hugging me. I do not think its appropriate for a married woman asking intimacy problem of her own marriage to her family or close friend. Which was why I rather asked strangers. Maybe the problem lies with me all along which was why it's killing me and I kept blaming myself. Is this normal? A married woman must accept his spouse this way and live with it? If yes then I just have no choice but to cure myself and let him be. I'm so sorry, I'm just not thinking right at this moment but I appreciate your honesty.

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Originally Posted by wifey01

Maybe the problem lies with me all along which was why it's killing me and i kept blaming myself. Is this normal?

It is normal for you to think that way but that is not the problem. The problem lies with him and you should not be blaming yourself for this.

I seldom talk about it on here, but I am a older man and I have ED, I could not perform without medication if I wanted to ( and I do and try) I could have a dozen naked women dancing in front of me and attacking me, sorry, nothing would happen, that is what ED is, if he really has ED, he will not be able to perform, no matter what you do. It has nothing to do with you.

It can be from health issues, medication, depression or more. There are various treatments depending on the cause of his.

Thank you Fr_Chuck & odinn7 once again. Having answers from man point of view, really help a lot. I have to keep on pursuing him to the doctor then. Thank you so much everyone.