I've tried to get her to have a relationship or just talk to me but she won't. She's a widow at 31 years old with 5 girls 3-11 yes old. I've tried emailing, writing letters, sending gifts, etc. Then not communicating. Being quiet and waiting. Nothing works. She said (6 yrs ago) I love you but I don't like you. I miss her so much & my granddaughters I don't know. What can I do? Thanks Mona

If I Were your daughter and haven't talk to you in 31 years, I would have wanted you to come visit and sit and talk with me about all the good times we had together. You shouldn't stop trying, you should just drive to her house and have a talk with your daughter. But first you should give her a call and tell her you want to talk to her, or if not ask if you guys could meet somewhere and just sit and talk about your feelings... Hope that help? (;

I meant 13 years. SORRY ABOUT THAT

What caused her to stop talking, something had to have happened?

Thanks for answering. It's long & I have company. I will tell you all about why tomorrow. I hope you can help me. Thanks Mona

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by monaonwheels

I've tried to get her to have a relationship or just talk to me but she won't.

---

My daughter has not talked to me in six years. I can't imagine going another seven years,. although it may be!

We were once so close. My situation was because of her husband wanting her to himself. I don't have grandchildren yet. My son has her as a Facebook friend, and although he won't talk to me about her, he promised me that he would let me know if she ever became pregnant.
I just want you to know that it is not necessarily your fault... although, as a parent, we always feel that it is. Best of luck to you. You are not alone.

Thank you for your encouragement. I was in a car wreck when she was 9 yrs. Old. I broke my neck & I'm a quadriplegic. Paralyzed from the neck down. She had to do a lot of care for me when aides & nurses weren't around. She had to give up a lot of activities I couldn't take her to. She had to dependent on others to take her & do things I would've done. At 14 she started being promiscuous. I told her if she couldn't mind me she'd have to go to a home that could make her mind. She was letting guys in the back door at night endangering us both. I put her in Girls Town like Boys Town. It was a beautiful well ran place with only girls.
The day I left her there she said, "If you leave me here I'll hate you the rest of my life!" And she has! :(

And where was her father and the rest of the family during this time frame? It sounds like she had more on her plate than she could handle.

She's 31, she hasn't spoken to you in 13 years - but you miss her children and their ages are between 3 and 11. How do you know the children?

She apparently hasn't spoken to you since she was 18. When did you place her in the home, what age?

If she's a widow at 31 with 5 children she undoubtedly is overwhelmed. Apparently her childhood was (at best) chaotic - and she doesn't want that for her children. Whether it's justified or not she blames you.

You can always try to speak to a therapist, either alone or together, OR you can do nothing and see how things play out. She doesn't want to hear from you and probably believes she's "protecting" her children from you.

I'd leave her alone.

14 put in the home. She had 2 older sisters that were 21 married 6 weeks & 18 just out of school. They took her places & spent time with her. But of course she wanted me with her but I was in a wheelchair (w/c) & had no van to go with them. I asked them to let her live with them but with her teenage smart mouth & promiscuous ways that felt she'd tear their home up. They were just starting to have babies & start their married lives. The oldest was already having family problems. I divorced her dad when she was 2. Him & his side of the family had nothing to do with her. My parents both died when I was 24, 26.

As far as protecting her children. I can't drive or go to them to bother them in any way. They have no family. Dad just died. His parents are dead & all her family (me too) live 8 hrs away. She talks to her sisters a little but to none of the other family. A recluse!

Why do you think she's a recluse? Not wanting to have any part of family, particularly if she felt abandoned as a child, does not make her a recluse.

This sounds sad all the way around. "Bothering" her doesn't mean ringing her doorbell. She apparently doesn't want gifts and calls and emails.

I'd leave her alone. This situation is 13 years in the making. It will take at least that long to resolve - UNLESS someone wants to go for counselling.

I have been leaving her alone. If she won't communicate in any fashion I have no choice but to leave her alone. She wasn't abandoned. She was told by me and her sisters to straighten up & act right for years before I finally put her in a home. She made that decision. The only other alternative was to raise her as a teenage mother. Because that was around the corner. She was letting boys in at night. I gave her chance after chance. She knew if she didn't straighten up she was going to have to go there. She started skipping school & CPS was getting on to me for her not going & I couldn't make her go. I could tello her. She'd leave like she wasing going but didn't.
All I know about her comes from her sisters. A recluse because she doesn't like to be around anyone. She doesn't go to any schoool events. When her kids play baseball she sits in the car so she doesn't have to be around anyone. She didn't even go to her husband's fiuneral. Not any of the kids either. She told them funeral's were for other's wouldn't help him or her or the kids to go.
I've been to counseling helped me live w/o them but didn't help her, the kids, or our relationship. She'd never go.
I know it's sad. That's why I wrote.