I'm very tired and sad about the marriage that I am in. Ive been married sense 1998. I've been with my husband sense 1994. Are relationship has been unfaithful on both parts. I've tried so hard to make are relationship work we are together because we have three children, but we hate each other. Lately he hates my family and doesn't want me to have any thing to do with them. He blames them for my mistakes in are relationship. I love him very much. But that's not enough for him. He is always calling me names and throwing things at me, he pulls my hair slams my head into the wall tells me he is going to cheat on me, he dose this right in front of the children. He has been in and out of prision three times the third time before he went in he was unfaithful so out of anger I left him for a time for another man. But he wanted me back and I'm so blind I went back to him. After all the pain he put me through, being with out him seemed more painful. I thought that he would understand that I left him so he would know how it felt to be cheated on and that you would stop doing it to me. But I was so wrong. He keeps asking me Question about all the things that I did with the other man and I've told him everything and its still not enough. He tells me that's the reason why he treats me so bad and that he will always treat me bad for what I did to him. I want to leave him I'm 27 years old. I'm tired of fighting for this relationship. He's so hateful to me he won't let me go any were. I can't even go to the store with out him thinking that I'm cheating on him. I have no life, I feel so depressed and I have no one to help me get out I feel that I am stuck in this so very painful relationship with him. I can't even get a job he won't let me. He tells me he docent want to be with me, but he won't let me free. I want a divorce he wants one too. We haven't got there yet. I have three children with him, I can say that he is a very good father he takes care of them when I'm so depressed. I hate my life. Nothing makes me happy. And I think him seeing me this way makes him feel good. What do I do? Were do I go for help.
I don't know what to do.
Alisa

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Originally Posted by anicole

I'm very tired and sad about the marriage that I am in. Ive been married sense 1998. I've been with my husband sense 1994. Are relationship has been unfaithful on both parts. I've tried so hard to make are relationship work we are together because we have three children, but we hate each other. Lately he hates my family and doesn't want me to have any thing to do with them. He blames them for my mistakes in are relationship. I love him very much. but thats not enough for him. he is always calling me names and throwing things at me, he pulls my hair slams my head into the wall tells me he is going to cheat on me, he dose this right in front of the children. he has been in and out of prision three times the third time before he went in he was unfaithful so out of anger I left him for a time for another man. but he wanted me back and I'm so blind I went back to him. After all the pain he put me through, being with out him seemed more painful. I thought that he would understand that I left him so he would know how it felt to be cheated on and that you would stop doing it to me. But I was so wrong. He keeps asking me Question about all the things that I did with the other man and I've told him everything and its still not enough. He tells me thats the reason why he treats me so bad and that he will always treat me bad for what I did to him. I want to leave him I'm 27 years old. I'm tired of fighting for this relationship. He's so hateful to me he won't let me go any were. I can't even go to the store with out him thinking that I'm cheating on him. I have no life, I feel so depressed and I have no one to help me get out I feel that I am stuck in this so very painful relationship with him. I can't even get a job he won't let me. He tells me he docent want to be with me, but he won't let me free. I want a divorce he wants one too. We haven't got there yet. I have three children with him, I can say that he is a very good father he takes care of them when I'm so depressed. I hate my life. nothing makes me happy. and I think him seeing me this way makes him feel good. what do I do? were do I go for help.
I don't know what to do.
Alisa

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My advice is first: get a job whether he likes it or not! You need to get out of the house and around other people, where you will see not everyone gets treated like a dog. Next, sock away as much money as you can, then get the heck out! Have an order of protection served if necessary, but you need to get yourself and your children out of there, and soon! It isn't going to get any better, I hate to tell you. Is your family willing or able to help you? If so, let them help you! And believe me, once you get out, you will realize that you aren't in love with him after all, he has you beat down emotionally and mentally.

You need to get away from him so gather your kids and sek shelter with your parents and get the police involved. It up to you to make a move.

Anicole,
You say he's a good father, but is he really? Sometimes women who are abused become blind to the degree of abuse happening. He seems to have characteristics (physical and verbal abuse/in and out of prison 3 times)that would suggest he's also abusive to the children.
Right off the bat... it's abusive to the children to have to watch their mother get her head slammed into the wall, her hair pulled, and things thrown at her. It's also abusive for them to have to listen to all the yelling, name calling, and fighting that must take place in your home.
This is no place for you or your children... You need to seek help (womens shelter/church) to break free. Love is not built on abuse... once you realize that important fact, it will be easier for you to move on toward happier days with your children...
I wish you and your children the best,
Kae

You have some good advice here. If what is suggested seems too big of a step, too hard, then please call a Domestic Violence hotline (front of your phone directory or in some areas 2-1-1). Talk to someone who understands and knows what local resources are available to you and your kids. Abuse is a very incidious and slippery slope in which you actually get trapped and I hear you sounding perilously close to that now. This is serious, Anicole. Make the call, its anonymous and they can give you credible important information that results in you getting immediate help.

As you are making plans to leave this man remember the most dangerous time is when you leave. Get in touch with a hot line and let them help you. Please don't discuss your leaving with him as that may set off fireworks which could get everyone hurt.
After you leave, do not go back for anything. Whatever you have to leave behind can be replaced.