Me and my boyfriend have a house together, we both have good jobs, and I'm going to school. I believe that we have a wonderful relationship. We have been together for 2 years now. In the beginning of our relationship, he would watch porn all the time. It bothered me, because every time we were together, we were having sex. It wasn't an unhealthy amount "if there is such a thing lol" and we had no problems. But whenever I would leave, he would watch it. I didn't know about it until I went on his phone to Google something, and when I typed in a letter, all these porn searches came up. So out of curiosity, I looked in his history and there was loads of porn. I was bothered because he could have sex with me whenever he wanted. I brought it up, let him know that he doesn't need to look at that with me around, and I'm more than willing to change something I'm doing wrong if that's what's making him look at porn. After a few discussions, the problem went away. Well here we are about a year and a half later, porn free. Until a couple days ago. I never go through his stuff, but lately he has been acting weird and lying to me about petty things. Well, I got on his computer, looked in the history, and found some porn links. I haven't confronted him about it yet, because I'm not sure what to do or say. I feel aggravated when I have to tell someone more than once how I feel about something. And when he looked at it, he could have just waited an hour for me to get home and I would have pleased him. But he didn't. I'm so confused.. he's gone so long without looking at it and all of a sudden he starts again. I've never told him what to do, and I never will. I express how I feel and let him make his own decision.. I've done that already though.. so what do I do now?

He may have gone a while without looking at porn, but I doubt he gave up masturbating which seems to be what you equate watching porn with. People can watch porn without masturbating. People can masturbate without watching porn.

Having sex with a partner involves worrying and caring about the other person's needs as much as having your own met.

Masturbation and materials used for stimulating the imagination are about getting off and being selfish. It is 'me' time. It has nothing to do with what he thinks about or feels for you.

'I've never told him what to do, and I never will.' But you are. You are saying that he can't masturbate as long he is in a relationship with you. He should wait and have sex with you. If that isn't telling him what to do, then what is?

Do you masturbate? Do you use one of the many forms of erotica to stimulate your imagination? Do you expect him to take care of all of your adult entertainment needs? Why?

You have a choice to either accept that sometimes he doesn't want sex and just wants to get off or you walk away and find someone who has the same viewpoint on sexual gratification that you do. If you choose to stay, talk with him. You may feel like you are repeating yourself, but he may feel the need to clarify his own feelings.

Think back, why did the discussions end? Could it be because he finally agreed to see things your way? Do you actually listen to his thoughts and feelings about subjects you don't agree with him on?

Give up your porn fixation before he shows you the door...

Its his right to watch whatever he wants... and personally demanding someone change to appease your own insecurities fixes nothing... and WILL eventually tick him off and result in him walking away.

He may be wussing out right now and appearing to bow to your unreasonable demands... but trust me has a resentment forming over that... and its going to grow.

Its not a relationship if one party is making demands of the other and trying to control them.

Don't care if it's the guy or the gal... its the same, and its unhealthy to a relationship.

If I was him.. I'd be royally ticked off too... I think he's on the verge of letting you have it with what he really thinks... he's obvious he's been biting his lip for a while. As witnessed by what you call weird behavior...

Yes, he should have shown you the door long before this. He watches porn, so why not watch it with him? Tell him you are sorry, tell him he has his rights to watch it if he wants to and that you will not bother him about it.

He is not stopping having sex with you, it is not effecting your sex life,

And no you did not discuss this with him, you appear to have demanded he stop and to not fight he just lied and said he would stop. So he started clearing his history perhaps and getting better at hiding it. ( which is sad that he was forced to act like a child)

Now honestly he should have just told you were to get off when you started this two years ago, that is his fault. Hopefully he will now.

First so he masterbates, he will masterbate if he does not watch porn men do that all the time. Next watching porn does not have anything to do about you, and your relationship with him.

Yes I will agree, strange behavior since he feels you are being too demanding and he is having to act like a child at home with his mom, not a adult man, in his own home with his wife who is not suppose to be controlling him.

See, I see it a different way. By watching porn and/or masturbating he is self gratifying and denying you pleasure. Now In my opinion you have two choices, since he apparently is not going to quit watching porn. You can accept it or you can leave.

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Originally Posted by 450donn

See, I see it a different way. By watching porn and/or masturbating he is self gratifying and denying you pleasure. Now IMHO you have two choices, since he apparently is not going to quit watching porn. You can accept it or you can leave.

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I agree that she has a choice to accept it or leave.

However, I disagree with the thought that he is denying her pleasure by wanting to explore his own mind and body. As she should take time every now and then to explore hers.

It doesn't sound like their love life was suffering due to his masturbating and/or watching porn. If anything is affecting it, it seems to be a possible conflict over permission to watch porn and/or masturbate. Though, I have a feeling there may be a totally unrelated issue causing more problems than porn is.

I hope they actually sit down and talk about the entire relationship and other aspects of their lives instead of focusing solely on porn.

You're clearly insecure. Do you two have a good relationship sexually? Does he make you orgasm? Do you feel attached to him when you have sex? And does he still make you feel special?

X Dani