I am a single parent and have worked hard all my life to support my children. My daughter has had everything I could give her--clothes, cars, deposit on a house, boob job, new kitchen, holidays to America, Africa, Australia and yet she treats me so badly that my heart is breaking. She is 28 and acts like a spoilt brat. She is stroppy and rude to me but she just doesn't see it.

She has never invited me anywhere; she wouldn't think to take me out for a coffee even. Her friends are her life and it's as if I am just not good enough. When she comes to my house she kicks off if she doesn't get her own way. I finally snapped on Xmas Day and couldn't take anymore. I drove to the sea and it took every ounce of strength I had not to walk into the sea.

What keeps me going is my son who is only 15, is a delight, and needs me.

So I came back and she has not spoken to me since. She blames me. I am at the stage of giving up on her because she hurts me so much - but she is my daughter. I was adopted myself and have tried so hard to give my 2 children everything that I did not have but it seems to have backfired on me. The more I give, the more I am taken for granted. I have myself to blame - I have created her the way she is.

She is so charming and polite to everyone else that they think she is a lovely person - but to me she is really nasty. My heart is broken. Do I have to walk away after 28 years? How come we give them everything we can and we are repaid this way - and some mothers who are selfish seem to get adored by their children. If it wasn't for my son, I would give up on life altogether. I have nothing to live for in my own right. When he grows up and leaves I will have nothing left except memories. I am so alone. I live and work from day to day to provide for other people and I don't know how much longer I can hold it all together. But I am strong and so for my son I have to keep going. May God help me, x

When someone treat you rough at first time it is their fault and when it happen second time it is your fault because you allow it. You will end up in nursing home at old age and no one will come and see you so change yourself. Go out find nice kind man get married with person who understand you before it become so rough and you are very old. Take this seriously.

I'm really touched aba the ordeal you are going through.my mum went through the same thing when I went mad on her.she is now no more.how I wish she was still around to be pampered.dont wory,I changed before she died,she felt ma love for her before she died.but the guilt still kills me within.. ya daughter knows you are sad within but compares you to her friends with dad's and mums.he sees them to be the perfect family,and hers is a broken and that nothing from you is guud.im sorry to say this but that's why she's behaving that way.thats what she thinks but that's not the underlying fact.the fact is she is refusing to appreciate that without you she is nothing.let her know that with all her achievements if tragedy should strike now,and every thing is ripped off from her the only name she will be calling is mama. You are a hero and fighter.the lord will always give you rest.focus on GOD.dont think aba her actions she's just a kid.if she doesn't want you as a mum I will take you as my mum and pamper you all the days of my life.I will have cofee with u 24/7 if that's what you want and really chat with u.from today I am your 2nd son.

It could be because they are a spoiled brat, mom buys daughter a boob job, for heavens sake, give me a break.

Fr_chuck - you are not helpful. The surgery was to help her because she was suffering from very low self esteem - especially on holiday with her friends she was covering up on the beach and it was affecting her relationships. She is now a lot happier and has confidence which is what I wanted for her. Nanuchini - as for getting a man - that is not the answer. I have my son to get through uni first. If someone came along then fine - but to all in love again aged 56 is most unlikely!
Yawpac - thank you so much. Your kindness shines through and I hope that life brings you eternal peace and happiness. X

You have to show her some tough love... she's like this because you let her get away with it.

She has no reason to act otherwise because all she has to do is demand something... make an excuse and mom will pay for it.

I get that she's your daughter... but if ANYONE should be showing you respect.. its her for what you have done for her... its time she does for herself... she's an adult, she needs to start acting the part...

And quite honestly... I agree with Fr_Chuck about the boob job... low self esteme is a bad excuse... if she had a physical defect like one c cup and one a cup or some deformation I would think differently. As an adult she should have gone to work and paid for it if she wanted it.

Personally, as a man, I preffer a real "A" cup to a fake anything else.

And your are 56 not 106... there are a lot of widowers and divorced men your age group... people in their 80's find new boyfriends and girlfriends all the time... you can too.

GUYS GUYS... for christ sake this is not a time for a blame game.if even shiona made mistakes in the past this is no time to keep on reminding her of her mistakes.the woman is in great pain and needs advice and comfort from u. stop rebuking her.. u are not helping her in any way.

smoothy this forum is not a court room where we pass judgement.people come here to seek advise ,so if you cannot help them keep quit.

Shiona please keep the fire burning, you will soon reach the end of the tunnel and you will see the light again.I hope you son in uni is not as rude as her sister.just focus on him and all will be well.dont let any one force you into another marriage you will just compound the situation. You need not force yourself to change her because she's already a grown up. As ma mum used to say, the dust will one day finally settle.xxx take care 2nd mama.

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Originally Posted by yawpac

GUYS GUYS ...for christ sake this is not a time for a blame game.if even shiona made mistakes in the past this is no time to keep on reminding her of her mistakes.the woman is in great pain and needs advice and comfort from u. stop rebuking her..u are not helping her in any way.

smoothy this forum is not a court room where we pass judgement.people come here to seek advise ,so if u cannot help them keep quit.

shiona pls keep the fire burning, u will soon reach the end of the tunnel and u will see the light again.i hope ya son in uni is not as rude as her sister.just focus on him and all will be well.dont let any one force u into another marriage u will just compound the situation. u need not force ur self to change her cos shes already a grown up. as ma mum used to say, the dust will one day finally settle.xxx take care 2nd mama.

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It's hard to take you seriously when you use text speak.

It's also hard to take you seriously when you "adopt" people based on one post on a public board. You've just insulted your birth mother.

As usual - the people with the fewest posts under their belts criticize the people with the most posts.

And, please, let's keep the name of Christ out of this. It's entirely inappropriate. Maybe that's how you talk in "real life." I don't know. It's not necessary here.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Shionah

Fr_chuck - you are not helpful. The surgery was to help her because she was suffering from very low self esteem - especially on holiday with her friends she was covering up on the beach and it was affecting her relationships. She is now a lot happier and has confidence which is what I wanted for her. Nanuchini - as for getting a man - that is not the answer. I have my son to get through uni first. If someone came along then fine - but to all in love again aged 56 is most unlikely!!
Yawpac - thank you so much. Your kindness shines through and I hope that life brings you eternal peace and happiness. X

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If her self esteem is based on her breast size she has more problems (and so do you) than you are addressing here. Her breast size affected her relationships?

I see her behaving in a way which you permit and allow - no consequences.

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Originally Posted by yawpac

smoothy this forum is not a court room where we pass judgement.people come here to seek advise ,so if u cannot help them keep quit..

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You are WAY out of line here. Don't even attempt to control how questions are answered.

You've posted 7 times. You have no idea how this forum works.

And PLEASE stop using text speak. If you're old enough to have an opinion you're old enough to speak in full words.

Another helpful hint would be for you to stop handing out "unhelpfuls" like they are candy.

Judy kay.. mind you we are not here to wage war.we are here to encourage and help each other.so if your going to distort the purpose of this forum then please leave. You don't belong here,find another forum... I think Yahoo messenger will be good for u.haha

Quote:

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Originally Posted by yawpac

judy kay..mind u we are not here to wage war.we are here to encourage and help each other.so if ur gonna distort the purpose of this forum then pls leave. u dont belong here,find another forum...i think yahoo messenger will be good for u.haha

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Actually, no, we're not here to encourage anyone. We're here to answer questions and try to help. The op asked why she is treated poorly by her daughter... the answer seems to be (based on what we've seen so far) that she gives her daughter too much and allows her to act this way. Simple... so because people said this but didn't encourage her, they should leave or keep quiet?

And really... to talk to smoothy and Fr_Chuck like you did and now to tell Judy to leave and find another forum... when did you take over? You've posted 9 times... now you're in charge?


Coming soon... Encourage Me Help Desk!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by yawpac

GUYS GUYS ...for christ sake this is not a time for a blame game.if even shiona made mistakes in the past this is no time to keep on reminding her of her mistakes.the woman is in great pain and needs advice and comfort from u. stop rebuking her..u are not helping her in any way.

smoothy this forum is not a court room where we pass judgement.people come here to seek advise ,so if u cannot help them keep quit.

shiona pls keep the fire burning, u will soon reach the end of the tunnel and u will see the light again.i hope ya son in uni is not as rude as her sister.just focus on him and all will be well.dont let any one force u into another marriage u will just compound the situation. u need not force ur self to change her cos shes already a grown up. as ma mum used to say, the dust will one day finally settle.xxx take care 2nd mama.

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Boy you are a RUDE one.. aren't you? That's a pretty damned IGNORANT statement for you to be making to ANYONE here. Who appointed you all knowing expert of the Universe anyway? Can't even take the time to type in real words.

I don't NEED or even want your permission to dish out advice. I gave her advice, if YOU don't like it how about YOU keeping quiet. Unlike you, I've actually known a few people like her daughter... and like her, their parents gave them everything too... if fact they gave them TOO much. I actually know far more about this than you apparently are capable of.

In fact... Upon further thought... I'm reporting you to the moderators and admin for that ignorant uncalled for outburst.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by yawpac

judy kay..mind u we are not here to wage war.we are here to encourage and help each other.so if ur gonna distort the purpose of this forum then pls leave. u dont belong here,find another forum...i think yahoo messenger will be good for u.haha

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Judy is correct. We do not only "encourage and help each other." This is not only AskMeForAHugDesk; we Experts and long-time forum/site members (who read similar stories day after day) use our varied experiences and backgrounds to advise and scold and warn--and not necessarily give huggy-kissies and pats on the head.

Judy is also correct about the texting. One of the site rules you agreed to when you joined ("check the box to affirm agreement to the Terms of Service and Rules") was that you would not use texting ("Rule 2. Use the best English you are capable of. "Chat speak", all caps, lack of punctuation, etc. can be annoying, and will frequently result in the post being either unanswered or removed").

I careless, I made my point,so have u.

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Originally Posted by yawpac

i careless, i made my point,so have u.

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You continue to use texting abbreviations and poor English. I was hoping you would now write the way you agreed to.

I'm going to close this thread before it degenerates further. But before I do I have some comments to make.

First to yawpac. You just joined this site. How can you tell us, who have helped build this site, how we do things here? As noted this is a Q&A site. What we do here is offer answers to questions and advice to help people deal with their issues. When compassion is called for we give compassion, when a swift kick in the pants is called for we give that. It's up to the person who responds to a question to decide which to do. It is not up to you (or anyone) to criticize HOW a person responds, especially when you are wrong. You can, however disagree with the quality of the advice as long as you are civil and polite.

To Shionah, if you want me to reopen your thread please let me know, but it might be better if you start a new one. However, I must say, I tend to agree with the others. When I first read your post, the boob job part leapt out at me. Unless there was a physical deformity given her a boob job was an enabling action. It reeks of overindulgment and spoiling. It suggests to me, as it has to others that you have greatly contributed to how your daughter treats you now. What may help you now is for you to seek counseling about why you haven't been a real parent to your daughter and, instead, have enabled her.