Girlfriend's past bothers me?
We have broke up. The reason of break up was of her being a nympho, mistress of 2, a sex buddy of few, a prostitute in a way and using sex as a currency. That was her past which did not bother me as I thought it was her past and her brain was developing till then and it was not her fault. She being divorced at 18 also did not bother me. I asked myself can I live with her past my heart said yes as I love her but my brain keeps showing me this images of her being with other people in bed and doing things which she has done which gives me a disgust feeling and some of the guys have been my friends so when I meet them it hurts me more. I am confused what to do. Its been a year I thought time shall heal things up and I shall get her out of my head. But its getting worse I have not been home instead I tried being more social like 14 hours a day I used to be out of home spending time with other people which worked until I get back home and then the time I am home the thoughts and images from nowhere come back to my mind and all day is wasted. As she has been to my house the house also like haunts me like I get into flashback when she was at my home and the time spent here used this computer from which I am posting this. Sounds crazy but can't help it tried a lot but none works. The only time I could get a sound sleep when I got home 100% alcohol fueled. Please help me Is It Normal or am I just a jerk? Should I see a doc who can help me forget everything and cut the time we spend out of my life? I am from a respected family and this also troubles me as I don't my parents to feel embarrassed in front of the world for my wish as they have always lived a respected life in the city.
Even when she was with me I was suspicious as she has been hiding something's from me. And yea she did not tell me anything about her past or present it was all that I found out from her chats with her friends. We never had a mutual friend but she had more guy friends no friends who were females. Which kept giving me a negative image for her. Even my friends said she is not a girl whom you can introduce to your parents but I did not listen to them which I regret now. Her work resume at such an age was also so much suspicious to many.
Another problem is that I can't concentrate on my life on anything every time I am into something my mind and heart relate it to her and everything I do is just wasted. Every song I hear her thought comes to my mind. I FEEL SICK. Its been a year and time is hot helping me heal but get worse. In aggresiveness I sent the chats to her brother and people around her. I don't know what I did was right or wrong. I had never been in an relationship before am I being jealous. She has a complex attitude sometimes she said we were just friends sometimes she says she can not live without me which disturbed me a lot. We have been on and off for five years now. Her relation with her own family are not good and her family knowing about her actions don't say a thing to her and I don't understand why it bothers me.
Serious advices appreciated and thanks in advance. Any further info needed please feel free to ask. Am I alone who has this situation or anyone else has been in this situation with the same kind of girl in his life.
