So today I'd lunch with a great male friend of mine and we were talking about relationships.
Basically he said after 6 months that phase of passion develops into a new kind of love and those sparks of passion fade.
At that stage a man kind of weighs up if there are other options out there that are better, if not he will continue , if there are better options he will leave it.
At that stage and further on in the stages men know their limits and that's why a long distance relationship will not survive after that period.
Basically he was saying most men will cheat if they go for a month without seeing the woman. He kept saying it was the animal instinct in men whereas women need a leader.
He was saying he never cheated but he would never get himself into a situation like that as he knows where his limits are.

Could this possibly be true?? I was amazed!

I can agree as bad as that sounds. It is like you are happy where you are at but when it starts to deaden or fade so to speak a man is looking and there is no real reason to jump ship if there is nothing else on the horizon. If you jump ship too early you will be left with nothing, not the security of your girlfriend or a new girl to fall on. Like wildcat and val and everyone says there is a reason why women always seem to be the ones to break it off, it is because they don't need to have another man lined up although it would be nice to break things off but there would have to be so many negative things going on in the relationship where there is no other way for a man to break it off unless he has a woman ready to take their place. That is a fact as sad as that is.

Long distance relationships have trouble working because the man wants the woman all the time and it is hard to go a month without sex regardless of how strong the love is that is why breakups happens and fights come on more readily because the hormone levels are that much stronger. The only way to combat is to be mature with yourself and have an understanding and a relationship based on no jealousy and extreme trust(but even that is sometimes broken).

Sorry your friend had to bring that to light rol but it is very very true, subconcious or not.

Not sure about that. Personally I've had a few long distance relationships the last of which turned into my present marriage. If a guy has the least bit of respect for women, specifically the current one he's with, then the relationship only gets deeper as the shared experiences grow and they find out that they are very compatible. If the man thinks about what's better out there then he wasn't really into the relationship to begin with.

Well that's what I thought also needkarma(or what I was hoping would be true!)... but this guy seemed to make me see reality! He is definitely into his relationship!
Or does it depend on the guy perhaps?

I view all people as individuals, I hate making sweeping generalizations like I see so often happening here, so yes, it does depend on the guy. :)

NeedKarma, if you read something of what I wrote towards the end there is a big difference to what we are saying. I do agree with you and what you are saying that if that is the case the guy isn't worth the time. But I guess it was a certain generalization but to most people on here including guys is the reason most of them are so upset is they are caught off guard and have nothing to fall back on. You think if they had another girl to replace her and broke it off that they would be feeling that way. They may decide and want to go back but at least initially it helps lessen the blow

The problem is the age gap, a lot of people on this site are in high school or college or not ready for anything that serious. So that is where problems arise.

When you get to that point of seriousness then if the guy just wants to jump ship so be it, because no man is worth that or is marriage material if he is always looking for something better.

How old were you with the guy that turned into your present marriage?

LOL, I AM a guy!

You are absolutely correct about age difference being a factor. Younger ones will tend to be a little more "randy".

On my side: I dated a lot of women before I got married. I moved to where she was at age 34, proposed 6 months later, then got married 10 months after that. Now have 2 beautiful children that I can mold with my ideas <evil laugh>.

I don't know if I can buy that Rol. After the high school sweetheart stuff was over I thought that having a lot of female friends was the way to go, and in a relationship I never thought of moving on until something fizzled or was just not for me or her (been dumped a few times, so what), but to put time limits or seeing something better and jumping ship I can't agree. Those aren't relationship its only dating to my mind. DATERS are free to be with any one they want. My marriage was also from a long distance relationship, as we were dating others when we met, but started dating each other and it just grew from there. We were both busy working and just doing our things, hmmm, besides raising kids we still have our own things we like to do apart from each other, so we haven't made a lot of progress I guess. I just hate to paint men with a broad brush, as we all do things a little different as do women.

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The problem is the age gap, a lot of people on this site are in high school or college or not ready for anything that serious. So that is where problems arise.

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If that's the case why do the young guys fall so hard for one girl if they know they aren't ready for something serious? No knock just curious.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

If thats the case why do the young guys fall so hard for one girl if they know they aren't ready for something serious? No knock just curious.

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One word: horniness. :)

Thanks for your replies.

Just noticed there is a new thread open about cheating and xopchil put a reply that is exactly what my friend said yesterday.

"There is a clear biological basis for human sexual behavior, and cheating isn't restricted to men. We are, in large part, slaves to our genes, whose only real purpose is replication. Men, because we have very little time/resource investment in the act, seek to spread our genes as far and wide as possible with suitable females. Our resource allocation is sperm (mostly water) and some enjoyable time. Women, on the other hand, are much more invested in the consequences of sexual behavior: 9 months and possible death -- not to mention a life-bond with a child. They seek mates rich in health, which often conflicts with their desire for a father for their child who is rich in resources: that is their reason for cheating. No one vocalizes such things. We soak everything in base language and romantic cliche, but it is about our genes.
"

Genes all about the genes and human nature.

Yeah, I think it's true. I was talking to my guy friend about relationship the other day, and he was also saying how all the passion and love fades after 6 months. That's why it is important to know the person you're dating as a friend first, so there's something else there when the passion fades.

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Originally Posted by NeedKarma

I view all people as individuals, I hate making sweeping generalizations like I see so often happening here, so yes, it does depend on the guy. :)

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Yes, and the guy's age and maturity level. This is typical behavior for a lot of guys in their twenties and thirties, and for guys in their forties who wish they were still in their thirties.

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Originally Posted by Talaniman

If thats the case why do the young guys fall so hard for one girl if they know they aren't ready for something serious?

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A lot of guys in their twenties are trying to be more mature than they actually are. That's why I got married the first time at 22--big mistake.

While I wholeheartedly agree with xopchil that there is a undercurrent of basic biology at work in male and female behavior that gets very undervalued (this is one end of the spectrum), I take exception to the notion that "most men will cheat if they go for a month without seeing the woman." (this is the other end here). Men (and women) are neither so modern as to be above our basic instincts nor are we so neanderthal to be undisciplined slob/slaves to it either. Reality is much more in the middle and frankly far more intricately arranged than this. That statement about cheating really depends on so many other variables and, like NeedKarma, I think over-simpified generalities like this are less than insightful but also tend to be used to support an existing agenda rather than the other way around, which is terrible science in my book.

This is the Age of Information but it is also the Age of Misinformation (kinda like these are the best of times and the worst of times LOL for you literary types) and its important to gain the skill of discernment. There are truths and there are personal truths too, equally as legitimate. While the statement about love changing its character over time in a lasting relationship is universally truthful, there were inaccuracies woven in between too. Six months is this man's time frame where it may not be anothers, hence a personal truth.