How can I persuade my husband to sell the house we live in.
He loves it & I hate it, I am so unhappy living here and he knows that, but he dosen't care.
Wendy
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How can I persuade my husband to sell the house we live in.
He loves it & I hate it, I am so unhappy living here and he knows that, but he dosen't care.
Wendy
This may be hard for you to see, Wendy, but your house problem is really very secondary. That you have married a man who disregards your feelings is the only problem I would be tackling right now. Once you solve that one, the house situation (and lots of other things) will be easier to negotiate. You may need to remind him that when one person is unhappy in a mututal arrangement the other ought to be concerned. Where is his loving concern? Does he blow you off in other ways? If I may... how does he defend his uncaring actions and how do you accept that being a plausible excuse (nevermind the detail of house in this too)?
Is it the house or the place? Guys have to have security and given the housing and job market right now I do not blame him for not wanting to move. It should be a mutual thing not just his way and he should explain why he wants to stay as well as you wanting to leave.
I would imagine in an honest healthy relationship he may listen to a reasonable alternative, but I'm so curious as to why you hate this house?
Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
We retired to a new country & lived in our apartment that we had already bought. After 6 weeks we bought this place. We were still in the honeymoon period of being here. I hold my hands up & say that we bought far too quickly without looking at the pros & cons
The house is far too big & I feel very isolated, also I don't feel safe.
It is not my home, it is his. Also we went over budget, so it has left us with little money to play around with.
All we do is argue & I cry all the time.
Well you know that you can't change houses like a hat, so for now its up to you to make it a home. You can cry about it, but you can also make the best of it until you can do better, which is more productive. For sure next time you'll be better prepared with a plan. For now I see no way out unless you can come up with something. If so I encourage you to think of a better plan.
While I agree that changing houses is not an easy deal, I still contend that this is why it's a RELATIONSHIP problem and not a house problem. :rolleyes:Quote:
Originally Posted by nesbeth
I am hearing him disregard you in the equation and I bet its not just with house purchases and budgets either. A relationship is a partnership with two people in it who negotiate something both can live with. And frankly (no offense Tal but... ) I think a house becomes a home when a partnership lives in it, not when the wife gets busy decorating it. From what little I have seen this isn't a partnership. Its too one-way. You may need to let him know that this is how he will lose you and you may need to be prepared to be lost too, if necessary. Otherwise he will always know that he has the upper hand and likely use it, if I am reading your portrayal of him correctly?
Quote:
Originally Posted by nesbeth
:confused: He does not love you then. Move on.. You are in denial.
Have you explained to him how you feel and why you feel that way.He needs to understand that in any healthy relationship you both need to feel contented.If he continues to disregard your feelings I would suggest a discussion with a third party maybe a close relative or friend that he respects their pont of view.If you have no joy there I would seriously consider as to whether you want to be with this man , maybe he requires a shock take a holiday let him think you have left him - he will soon do anything to win you back! Good luckQuote:
Originally Posted by nesbeth
Is like any man, somehow you get him to think it is his idea lolQuote:
Originally Posted by nesbeth
Quote:
Originally Posted by nesbeth
Moving to a new country is already a big thing by itself... I know what you mean, I am European and moved to the USA... I moved in with my husband and truth is that this is HIS house and his decoration... so I understand what you say :)
But you are married and you are in the situation where the two of you made the decision as a married couple to live there. Arguing and crying is not helping you, so that does not get you anywhere, right ? Try another approach... feeling safe is important, try to talk with your husband and explain this in a non-argumental way... Reason why I am writing this is that I have been in your situation.. I was SO unhappy here in this house, I was in a new country, felt isolated and know the feeling. Me arguing and crying did not help... that's why I say:maybe try a different approach ?
Little things can make such a big difference... can you not try to make the place nicer for yourself ? Mabye be creative with a smaller budget by looking for nice things at flea markets, thrift shops ? I am always surprised what people throw out :)
Sometimes when we stop crying and arguing.. and we look at things in a less emotional way the men are more willing to listen... after all... sometimes we are from different planets...
Good luck to you !
Gypsy
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