Ask Me Help Desk - My husband always commenting about gals

Hi,
My husband is very good person. I love him very much. But I don't like something in him . i.e.. He is always commenting about other gals with me but not in front of them.. for e.g.. My sisters, his co-workers, our neighbours... I mean he used to tell that look that gal.. she is very smart, cute.. her breats are beautiful.. she is beautiful.. like so much comments..
I don't like these comments. I told him several times.. stop this nonsense.. but he is saying this is for fun . But he still continue this..

These words induce me to suspect him.. I don't know what to do.. please help me..

He is having fun, at your expense. He knows this makes you feel uncomfortable and he is enjoying this. What would happen if you commented on a handsome guy you saw or commented on a smart male coworker or how much you admire how one of his male cousins or brothers treats his girlfriend or wife? If he gets offended, you can bring it back around to him, saying that is exactly how he makes you feel when he comments on the women.

Or what would he do if you agreed that this particular woman is smart, or is beautiful, or has a nice figure ( we can appreciate that in another woman without being jealous or indicating that we are sexaully interested in her). What would he say to that?

Or act like it does not faze you. If he does not get some response to you, will it end his comments? You have taken the fun out of his game by not verbally or emotionally responding.

What he is doing is not fair to you. You asked him to stop and he continues. It is not funny and I truly hope you can work through this. Is there someone you can talk to on a professional basis like a counselor or minister - someone whose advice you can trust. Maybe that person can help you identify any unresolved personal issues you have. For example, if you have a personal low self esteem, men will pick that up and play on it to turn it back onto the woman. The comments about the beautiful woman, the smart woman, the sexy woman, etc. As if saying they are something you are not - in a joking way (so they say) but it is not a joke. It is mean. I am just throwing this out as a possibility.

You do deserve better from your husband. Wishing you the best.

I agree , If you can't ignore his comments, then turnabout is fair play. He knows he irratates you so stand up to him.

It may take impressing on him how really serious you are. And if he still insists, I would be inclined to ask him what's up with that since people who claim to care about each other, also are mindful of their feelings. Is this some weird payback or power game here? Or is he just now revealing how much you don't factor in the equation? This may be about something more without it necessarily be an indication of infidelity so try to keep an open mind while you press him further about it, okay?

Hi,
We are just 5 months married couple. After our marrige he put leave for 15 days in his office. After that he used to come very late from his office at 1 pm, 3 pm like that.. after that he will be deep sleep... so nights are stretched to no end because of his absence He is having drinking habit too.. sometimes he might come early at that time he feel to have drinks then the same story he is going to deep sleep with beep sound..
Still now, I didn't get pregnant.. We had intercoarse only twice or thrice in a month..
In Saturday sundays, he used to take me out and have drinks and enjoying the whole day.. But he didn't think about my feelings.. I too like to be a mother for a child like other gals... Please help me.. I am feeling ver bad...

My wife actually point out women for me to see... like look at that rack... etc. I do it with her as well. She knows I love her and is secure enough to not be threatened. However that's the sort of relationship we have.

However I don't come home late, and don't drink, and we still get it on 4 out of 5 days. And this is after 15 years of marriage.

I don't know if you should 'suspect' him of anything... but obviously his comments are having an effect on your self-esteem, which will give you're the feeling that maybe he's doing more than looking.

You've tried to explain to him that it makes you uncomfortable and he still does it, makes me think he's a bit passive aggressive. Like he enjoys hurting you but he tries to come off like it's all in fun. That may be what he's after too--getting a rise out of you--his little ego trip. Try TOTALLY ignoring him when he does that. Don't look at what he's pointing out to you, don't make any comments. If he is doing it to get to you, it'll get pretty boring if you don't react.

That's right, he knows you are insecure and he's making you more insecure. So, you can stop it by just ignoring it. Play it back on him. REVENGE that is. Make yourself more beautiful and attractive and ignore him. Start talking about other guys. Talk about something he is not or he doesn't have. Go girl!

Quote:

Originally Posted by veni

hi,
My husband is very good person. I love him very much. but i dont like something in him . ie. he is always commenting about other gals with me but not in front of them .. for eg. my sisters, his co-workers, our neighbours... I mean he used to tell that look that gal .. she is very smart, cute.. her breats are beautiful..she is beautiful.. like so much comments..
I dont like these comments. i told him several times.. stop this nonsense.. but he is saying this is for fun . but he still continue this..

these words induce me to suspect him.. i dont know what to do.. please help me..

Hey if you can't beat 'em join 'em. I think you should do the same thing back to him. Telling him to stop isn't working honey! When you are walking down the street with him say something like that guy has a nice or sometyhing like that. It works for me and now my boyfriend stops doing it. To really get is to tell him something that you wish he had and doesn't and compliment another guy with it and slowly gaze . It works try it,

Quote:

Originally Posted by veni

hi,
My husband is very good person. I love him very much. but i dont like something in him . ie. he is always commenting about other gals with me but not in front of them .. for eg. my sisters, his co-workers, our neighbours... I mean he used to tell that look that gal .. she is very smart, cute.. her breats are beautiful..she is beautiful.. like so much comments..
I dont like these comments. i told him several times.. stop this nonsense.. but he is saying this is for fun . but he still continue this..

these words induce me to suspect him.. i dont know what to do.. please help me..

Not sure how long you've been married, but this sounds like a power issue that you should nip in the bud!

If you're feeling brave you could try embarrassing him. Let one of your friends that you trust know what he has said and when you are next all together, mention it and ask her how she feels about it. I can't imagine he would enjoy that. You need to find something that pisses him off and be brave enough to carry it through.

Bernadette