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I am 21 and recently had a baby I feel old frumpy and ugly :( I feel like my boyfriend wants a younger toned skinny girl with firm young boobs.. I am a size 10 but feel flabby and have stretch marks now there not really bad but they are there. I know he finds me attractive but no matter what I do I don't feel good enough :( help?
emalouise, what you are feeling is very common and occurs no matter how old you are or how many children you have had. I, myself, have been there twice.
The best thing you can do is take time to take care of yourself. It will help you feel better about yourself. If you feel insecure about how you look and feel, then you won't be open to accepting how your partner feels about you.
I know how hard it can be to let someone else (even the daddy) watch the baby for a few hours while you get some rest and/or pamper yourself. It can be even harder if you are breast-feeding. But you need to take some time here and there and allow yourself to relax.
Do your best to keep to a healthy diet. Keep foods on hand that can be fixed with little effort and time.
Yoga is an exercise that can help you feel better mentally and physically.
Have a hobby that can redirect some of your focus from the responsibilities and stress even for a few minutes at a time.
Allow your partner to show you that he still finds you attractive. Believe him when he tells you that you are beautiful even when you are covered in spit-up or haven't slept in three days. He isn't looking at only the physical appearance. He is looking at the woman who is his partner, lover and mother of his child. It is a bond you share that makes you more beautiful than any other woman. Allow yourself to believe it and everything will work out.
I am a guy, and have yet to meet a female that has just given birth that hasn't had the same feelings as you.
After what you have been through, you can't help but be a jumble of emotions and feelings. Its just hard right now to calm down after NINE months of physical, emotional, hormonal changes that results in bringing a child into the world. You will though, it takes time, so be good to yourself, and reward yourself for bringing life into the world. You deserve it greatly.
I know there is yet even more to do now that your child is here, but make sure you take some time for YOURSELF!! Tell hubby to see ME if that's a problem.
Give yourself time and get motivated. You are still very young and can bounce back fast. Try to balance your life between your new child and time for yourself. Get on a schedule and start slow. It is great that your man finds you attractive no matter what, but you need to get in shape for yourself and for your overall health. Then, you will have more energy and live longer with your child. Once you see some results, your overall outlook will improve. It is just difficult to get started. So, try it!
Its not that I have just given birth that bothers me, it really doesn't help though. I found out by being nosey and looking through emails that my partner was looking at other girls on the internet when we first got together when I was 18 at that time I felt gorgeous I was doing photoshoots for a portfolio to be a model and loved my figure and me. But if I wasn't good enough then what changes things now? I feel worse in my looks and constantly compare myself to others I feel like he wants a younger better girl.
He does, to LOOK at, that's what guys do with their eyes. Has NOTHING to do with you! NOTHING AT ALL. You are making yourself feel bad for NOTHING!!Quote:
I found out by being nosey and looking through emails that my partner was looking at other girls on the internet when we first got together when I was 18 at that time I felt gorgeous I was doing photoshoots for a portfolio to be a model and loved my figure and me. But if I wasn't good enough then what changes things now? I feel worse in my looks and constantly compare myself to others I feel like he wants a younger better girl.
I know, that's how you FEEL, but FACTS say different. DAMN! Can't a guy look, without it being an BAD FEELING? Why can't females handle their feelings like they expect us GUYS to?? Not fair!!
Guys, look, sorry it happens, also you are looking though his emails back to the time you meet. Please get a life, if you want to chase him off, if you want to make all your feelings come true, keep that up.
He is with you, that is where he wants to be, you are having emotional issues because of the child birth, before you ruin your relationship with YOUR actions, please get some counseling.
Guys, look, sorry it happens, also you are looking though his emails back to the time you meet. Please get a life, if you want to chase him off, if you want to make all your feelings come true, keep that up.
He is with you, that is where he wants to be, you are having emotional issues because of the child birth, before you ruin your relationship with YOUR actions, please get some counseling.
First thing: Being 'nosy' is not good. Not only are you invading another person's personal space, but you are admitting to not trusting the person. If you feel like someone is not being honest with you, be honest with them. Do not betray a trust placed in you because you think/feel like your trust has been betrayed.Quote:
Originally Posted by emalouise
A little perspective: 'Looking' at other women/men is no different for most people than watching a movie or reading a book. It is a form of entertainment. If you were planning to be a model, would you have expected people in relationships to have ignored your pictures ('mainstream' models are 'looked' at just as much as 'Playboy' models, if not more)?
Comparing yourself to others is an exercise in futility. There will always be someone better off, younger, prettier, with a more handsome boyfriend and cuter, well-behaved child. It also leads to insecurity. If you are insecure, your boyfriend will never be able to convince you that he finds you attractive or loves you for who you are. You won't believe him, because you don't find yourself attractive so how could he?
Learn to accept and love yourself as who you are instead of what you think someone else wants.
Work out, it will increase yourself confidence. And don't assume that he wants anything, if there is no actual issue it is all in your brain. If nothing is actually wrong, then he is in love with you and in love with the child you two have both created, both men and women know that it is very temporarily damaging to have a kid. It is expected.
I should have added that he was sending the other girls messages saying they were fit/cute/sexy etc. also once since the birth I have found messages although he denied it, it was in the history he said the dates were wrong and it wasn't him :s I just don't like him looking/ messaging other girls
Oh quit snooping and focus on you right now, and leave that other stuff alone.
You've put him on notice that you know about the messaging and pictures. You do not need to snoop anymore. You either allow the trust to rebuild or you accept that you will never trust him again which means the relationship is over.Quote:
Originally Posted by emalouise
You can sit down with him when there are as few distractions as possible and start communicating with each other. Together set the boundaries for the relationship that will be in effect from that day on. Be open to him looking at other women because it is going to happen unless he is blind or blindfolded all the time. If he has a flirtatious nature, then that is something else you will need to accept, within reason. Together set the line that should not be crossed by either of you. Once you both have a clear understanding of what is expected. Trust each other to stay within those boundaries. Trust him to love you and find you more attractive than anyone else. Trust in your love for him.
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