What is the one thing you "fear" in a relationship? For me it is abandonment.

Any thoughts?

The one big fear is that my partner would be unfaithful and then lie about it.

Yeah, I'm definitely thinking twice about trusting anyone EVER again. So my biggest fear is someone lying to me.

A guy that is uncertain/indecisive of his feelings.

Edit:

Actually I change my mind. When timing isn't right! That's my greatest fear of all! Actually I don't know <_<. Never mind

But I know there's something I fear

If I'm in a relationship id like to think I had no fears because I had complete trust in my partner. In my last relationship I feared nothing because I had complete trust in her. Maybe now having gone through a break up I might have a different outlook. I sincerely hope not though!

So I suppose that makes having that trust breached my fear??

You know that's a great question. I think it changes as you get older.

When I was younger I used to fear the commitment all together.

Then if I was committed I feared if she was the right one for me.

I always fear being lied to but I also fear hearing the truth sometimes. That being said I'd rather hear the truth even if I don't want to to than to be lied too.

I used to fear that I wasn't good enough. Now I don't really care and accept for some women that I'm not and for some women I'm too good.

I think maybe now, not having a girlfriend or interest for sometime I might fear the loss of freedom. But 20 years from now I doubt that fear will mean much.

So I guess the thing is that fear in relationships changes with time for me.

I think Skell's got it best, have no fear because even if the relationship ends you put it all on the line and didn't rob yourself of the great times because of any fear. Living in fear robs you of living.

If I fear anything, it's not being given a chance or being taken for granted...

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Originally Posted by chuff

When I was younger I used to fear the commitment all together.

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Just out of curiosity, why were you scared of commitment?

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Originally Posted by kaitou

Just out of curiosity, why were you scared of commitment?

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Hmmm I guess because I'm an independent thinker and I like to do things my way when I want to and getting involved with someone did not always allow for that.

Reading all the posts makes me think about "when we fear we are creating or foreseeing something wrong to happen"

Do you mean that someone would almost predestine the failure of a relationship because of their particular fear about a relationship? So, that if a relationship fails, the person can say, "I lnew something like this would happen"? I can see that as logical. Sometimes we do that unconsciously (and consciously) building some sort of relationship guard so that it acts as an insulator or bufffer. For myself, I am more wary of the signals that something is not going well.

My biggest fear is him not needing me like I think I need him. In other words him loving someone else but staying with me because he can't have the other one.

First I feared being unacceptable and so I took on anyone who expressed any interest, not realising what a mistake that was since it opened the door to all of this:

I feared being lied to, and so I was lied to and learned to survive that.
I feared being cheated on, and so I was cheated on and learned to survive that one too.
I feared being a target of his violence, and so became that and found its imperative to survive that.
Then I feared that I would never be taken seriously again, and after all I had already been through (and some professional help) learned to spot the dishonest, cheating, violent, indifferent people to avoid them all.

Now I fear nothing and oddly enough that's when I found Mr. Right and we've been together ever since. (This is not to say we don't have our private challenges however but none that could cause the kind of anxiety that I'm speaking of here.)

I'm with Teaching on this one. (Good question too!)
I sometimes think in some strange cosmic way that I get what I fear so that I may have the opportunity to learn to not fear it.

I think now I fear being left alone and scared again as well! When my ex left me I have never been so scared and felt so alone in my life. It was horrible!

My only real fear about a relationship is ending up with a whoops that I'll spend the next 19 years or so dealing with :)

I've managed to get past my issues... got rid of the bitterness a few years back, and have been in the contented zone ever since. I suppose that being this laid back probably has its downsides, but I haven't found any of them yet.

Hmm, I'm not quite sure what I fear. Maybe insecurity. I don't think I'd want a guy to always be asking 'are you okay?' 'are you sure?' . Like, if I say I'm fine the first time... Please don't ask again.
Also, someone acting on a spur-of-the-moment feeling, then regretting. Those suck, too! If you don't know what I'm talking about, I mean a guy having a negative feeling towards you and acting on it instead of waiting it out. And if you still don't understand what I mean... Then sorry, I can't explain that any better.
That may sound strange to some of you, but that's what I think, anyway. :)

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Originally Posted by Teaching

What is the one thing you "fear" in a relationship? For me it is abandonment.

Any thoughts?

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Being lied to or being unclearaabout feelings and intentions