I've been in a relationship with my current girlfriend for a couple of years. She has been the perfect girlfriend for me in every way, treating me good and lovingly. Her family liked me, mine liked her too. But I've had this feeling of something being missing, I can't pinpoint exactly what it is but it's something like passion. We don't have a lot in common but we got along nicely, fought only rarely. But I don't think about her as much as I should when we are apart and I do dislike many personality traits she has, things she does. Things that are not directed at me and don't even concern me.

I started talking to someone else, it started friendly but quickly advanced to something else. I thought only I felt that but was surprised when she had the same feelings. She is my perfect match and we have almost everything in common, we talked for 8 hours straight and I didn't even notice the time passing. I developed feelings for her quickly and I see a future with her.

That all said, my girlfriend has been so good to me and when I told her everything (maybe stupid but I owed her honesty), she asked me not to do it. She has been a complete rock in this and I trust her completely. But I don't have passion for her and I feel I'm beginning to treat her worse because of my own unhappiness.

I felt this coldness toward the girlfriend before I met the new love and I've thought about ending it before but never did as there was nothing else wrong. Sometimes I wish I would've never met this new person but I know that if I stay with my girlfriend I will be missing something.

I've made tough decisions many times before but nothing has been so hard on me, I've been completely torn for days.

I know I deserve to be despised here as I'm practically cheating but leave the hate comments out please.

To many people you aren't practically cheating, you are cheating. It does not need to be physical to cheat in the eyes of many.

With that said, it might be wise to consider backing off from both for a time. Give yourself some time to figure out how you feel about your girlfriend. Could it be that you are just very comfortable and that it worries you that there aren't quite the same bells and whistles as there was at the start? Most relationships go through ebbs and flows, perhaps that is part of what you are experiencing or perhaps there truly is more to it.

Since it sounds as though you've discussed some of this with your girlfriend, was anything discussed regarding what might be done to try and recapture some of the initial passion? Maybe new activities together? Vacation? Counseling?

Give some thought to various ideas before you call it quits. You can always still do that if you feel that you have truly given it your all to see if it really can work.

Naturally it will be exciting with this other woman, it is a new relationship! This is what can sometimes get people into trouble... comparing the two. A new car is often more exciting than a used one... until you get used to the new one and find out that it too has some possible flaws here and there.

Show that you have integrity and put the relationship with this other woman aside. Having your foot out one door and in the other will only keep you confused and unsure.

Get things sorted with the relationship with your girlfriend. It doesn't stand much chance of getting better if the other person is in the picture.

If it turns out that the two of you decide it just isn't going to work any longer, then you contact the other woman.

If it turns out that you and your girlfriend discover that you do want to rebuild, then you do everything in your power to earn back her trust.

Difficult situation, to be sure... I wish you well.

That's part of the problem, we never had that initial passion.
It was fun and good but she never made my heart jump out of my chest, that's kind of the problem. She talks of settling down with me but I would always be on the lookout for something else, I know that about myself.
It would be much easier if she would just plain hate me but even all said and done, she is willing to work it out. She is offering true love and I'm being an ******* about it.
It's a situation of 2 amazing girls wanting 1 idiot guy. Never thought I'd be in this spot.

Again, it is a difficult situation to be in, but you aren't being an idiot. If you know in your heart that your girlfriend is not someone you can picture yourself being with long term, than in all fairness it would be best to end the relationship. The mistake, obviously, was getting involved with someone else instead of dealing with your relationship concerns.

She is talking of settling down and you have been thinking about getting out. Two vastly different pages to be on.

You can certainly love her, and believe that she is an amazing person, but as you are feeling, it doesn't mean she is the one to be possible life partners with.

Do, however, let the other woman know that you need time to sort through some things before you can consider getting more involved. It is only fair to your girlfriend that you discuss your feelings with her and keep this other person out of the picture.

Give yourself some time to be certain of how you feel, what you want and need, and where you go from there.

Passion, NO passion who cares? What does that have to do with good behavior, or doing the right thing? NOTHING!!

Figure out the right thing to do, and do it. Heck, was it hard to keep seeing some other chick, and justifying it by saying you have a lack of passion? No it was easy as hell, and fun too!

Now put some effort into doing the right thing for you, and your passionless partner. What's the right thing you asked? Tell her that you failed to stay away from the other chick, and have lost your passion for her, or never had it or whatever. You get the idea. Tell the truth like you did before.

Now that's fair right? She will have the same facts as you so she can make a decision to do what's right for herself. I bet for sure she shows you some passion then, and maybe she will make your heart jump out of your chest too, as she kicks you to the curb. That would be fair too!

You really respect your girlfriend and want to show her the same love she's shown you? Leave her alone. She deserves better. I don't mean to attack you saying this, it's just it seems she'll hold on until you let her go. And be honest reverse the situations and you wouldn't want someone's pity or sympathetic love. It should be constant... a constant love you have for someone, come what or WHO may... ya know?

I've already told the GF the truth, told her everything. She still wanted to be with me, that's what makes it so hard. I trust her feelings, it's not fake.
I guess it's partly pity I feel for her and partly something else, I'm starting to think I shouldn't end this. Then again I always try to fix things if there is a way, I do not give up on first temptation.
I wasn't looking for the "other woman", we met online because we had the same opinion on a topic. It wasn't lust because I was so attracted to her even before I saw her, this doesn't happen all that often.
I've never felt this passion for the GF so there is nothing to "revive", days go by and I'm as lost as ever. However I'm leaning towards my brain rather than heart and not breaking up. My opinion changes from one hour to the next, pure torture.

So its not that she doesn't know what's going on, it's that you don't know what the right thing to do is.

Here is a hint, stop making excuses and make a decision, and actually do something.

If I already had known the answer then I would've done it already. Your suggestion of "just do something" isn't helpful, thanks anyway.

Sorry guy but would you rather have the high testosterone version of get off you arse, and make a decision and then follow through, win or lose?

You are fighting yourself and NOT using your head to THINK for yourself.

If my girl had of said she believes in me, after I cheated and kept cheating, I would sure enough either stop the obvious pain I was causing, and stop the bad behavior. Or just leave her to heal, and get a real man who accepts her. The last thing I would do was be selfish and cry about "I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO"!

Just so you know, she does nothing only because she is watching you to see what YOU will do! Now make a decision DUDE, or at least talk it out and drop that defensive crap about what's helpful, and what's not.

Personally, I think a dish rag like you should leave her alone and pursue your quest for passion without torturing and cheating on your girl. I mean how would you feel if she told you the passion was gone and talking to another dude gave it back to her, and she kept talking to him?

THINK!!

And you are titled "Senior Family & People Expert" here. Dishrag, indeed.
Easy to pass harsh judgment from the distance, I only partly deserve it.
I do not have many relationships and I think in terms on decades, therefore
The impulses and feelings and even thoughts must be double and triple checked.
To stay with her seems okay but she wants to have a family and what if I tell
Her the bad news in 5 years. You obviously haven't been in a situation like this
So I cannot possibly understand how many factors are in play here.

Don't even try it. I have had to make that decision many times during my decades long marriage. Temptation is a real beeyatcch, especially during the valleys of hardship and uncertainty, when we are at our weakest. She has nothing to do with YOUR passion, its YOUR own fear, that the passion hides behind. That passion comes from within, not from others. Overcome your fear, and you will find the passion and NOT take the easy way out of excuses, and BAD behavior.

Look at yourself and what you are doing, is it right, or WRONG? There is no excuse for BAD behavior, NONE!
Do the right thing for today, and deal with tomorrow when it comes. Don't be paralyzed by your own fear!

Sorry I had to reach through the screen and slap you, but you needed it. Sometimes my passion to help confused young guys comes out that way!

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Originally Posted by nameless12

I've already told the GF the truth, told her everything. She still wanted to be with me, that's what makes it so hard. I trust her feelings, it's not fake.
I guess it's partly pity I feel for her and partly something else, I'm starting to think I shouldn't end this. Then again I always try to fix things if there is a way, I do not give up on first temptation.
I wasn't looking for the "other woman", we met online because we had the same opinion on a topic. It wasn't lust because I was so attracted to her even before I saw her, this doesn't happen all that often.
I've never felt this passion for the GF so there is nothing to "revive", days go by and I'm as lost as ever. However I'm leaning towards my brain rather than heart and not breaking up. My opinion changes from one hour to the next, pure torture.

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Your girlfriend wants to be with you when you have told her that you feel no passion for her and never have? I can't imagine someone wanting to be in a relationship after their partner has admitted that. I have to wonder whether she is afraid of losing the relationship, being on her own, and that she wants to keep it going simply out of fear?

There is nothing wrong with talking to someone online who shares the same opinion, but you should have not allowed it to go any further when you started to feel an attraction. Would have been best to acknowledge the attraction to yourself and stop talking with her. After all, it wasn't as though she was a close friend, she was just someone you had talked to online over a shared opinion.

For future reference, pay attention to that little voice in your head. You will always find people that you could be attracted to, but you need to know where to draw the line and not allow yourself to get into situations that you know you should not be in. Learn to keep your feelings in check.

Personally, I think you should let your girlfriend know that you need some time to think things through. This will allow you time alone, without involvement from anyone, to give careful consideration to what you want in a relationship. It will also let her have some time alone to think about what she wants and whether she wants to be in a relationship with you when there is no passion.

Do not stay with her out of pity, guilt, or because you don't want to hurt her. You already have hurt her, and you would hurt her more if you stayed, only to leave at a later time when you decide that you are still looking for something else.

At this point, it may just be that you are simply not ready to be in a committed relationship and all that it involves. You may be better off just being single for awhile and dating different people.