Ask Me Help Desk - Confused girl!

This is going to be kind of lengthy, sorry. I met a guy almost two years ago. He had been married before for about 1 1/2 years. He lived with a girl, got engaged, and then she kicked him out. Three months after he moved out, I came along. We have been dating ever since up until Sunday. We never argued, got along great, have wonderful "relations", great communtication, among a lot more. About a week ago, we were planning for him to move in here and discussed long term commitments. (He told me to start looking for rings.) He said that no one had ever treated him that way, he loved me, etc. Then Sunday came along... he said that he had doubts that we were meant to be together and had told himself that if he wan't 100% sure about everything he would never move in again with someone. So, he pulled the it wasn't me, it was him line. He called Monday night and Tuesday morning. Regretfully, I called today because I couldn't stand it anymore - I know bad move. He said that he misses me like crazy and was going to ask me out to lunch today but didn't think that was fair to me. I have read a lot (been off for snow days, bad timing) about commitment phobia. Do you think that this is something he could be facing. I just think in my heart I am for him, but he is just not ready for marriage/enagement again. Any suggestions on what to do?

It's funny your name is confusedgirl because he sounds like a confused guy. If he's not ready for that kind of commitment then why is he telling you to pick out a ring? To be honest it doesn't sound like he's cheating if he called back the next day and tried to apologize so he could have all of sudden experienced some emotions that came up from his past and didn't know how to deal with them. That's his problem though and one he needs to work out before he commits any more time to you.

I don't think I would say it's over between you but I think it's over right now. In other words I would suggest that you tell him to work out his feelings and any other problems and in 3 months or 6 months you would be willing to see him if your still available. But I would express to him that you will not see him now because of his unresolved feelings.

I have been thinking about everything he has said. Is it okay to hope? I feel in my heart that there is still something there however I don't want to be let down. I just think that if he believes we were "not meant for each other" he would have broken up with me a while ago. In my mind he seemed to have freaked out about moving in. My guess is because what has happened in the past. Am I over analyzing?

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Originally Posted by buckeyes01

This is going to be kind of lengthy, sorry. I met a guy almost two years ago. He had been married before for about 1 1/2 years. He lived with a girl, got engaged, and then she kicked him out. Three months after he moved out, I came along. We have been dating ever since up until Sunday. We never argued, got along great, have wonderful "relations", great communtication, among a lot more. About a week ago, we were planning for him to move in here and discussed long term commitments. (He told me to start looking for rings.) He said that noone had ever treated him that way, he loved me, etc. Then Sunday came along...he said that he had doubts that we were meant to be together and had told himself that if he wan't 100% sure about everything he would never move in again with someone. So, he pulled the it wasn't me, it was him line. He called Monday night and Tuesday morning. Regretfully, I called today b/c I couldn't stand it anymore - I know bad move. He said that he misses me like crazy and was going to ask me out to lunch today but didn't think that was fair to me. I have read a lot (been off for snow days, bad timing) about commitment phobia. Do you think that this is something he could be facing. I just think in my heart I am for him, but he is just not ready for marriage/enagement again. Any suggestions on what to do?

GUYS ARE "NEVER READY"and it is him. Just let him thik about what he really wants . After all, life is about hard decsions and facing your fear. If he leaves you in the dust after al this, that is wrong. He should think about things before letting u think you're going to get amrried and then pulling away. He does love you but he went too far, he's not ready. Give him sum time to really think about things. Good luck!!

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Originally Posted by buckeyes01

I have been thinking about everything he has said. Is it okay to hope? ?

It's okay to hope but it's not okay to worry. In other words don't let it dominate your thinking and time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by buckeyes01

I feel in my heart that there is still something there however I don't want to be let down.

That's why I suggested you give yourself space for a length of time. Make him be sure this is what he wants. It will also give you time to

Quote:

Originally Posted by buckeyes01

I just think that if he believes we were "not meant for each other" he would have broken up with me a while ago.

Well there could be a 1000 reasons people stay with one another. You can't focus on that. You have to focus on what has happened and why. Make him figure it out as well.

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Originally Posted by buckeyes01

In my mind he seemed to have freaked out about moving in. My guess is because what has happened in the past. Am I over analyzing?

Yes and no. It's good to think about it and try to give it a reason but if you can't then let it go and move forward with your life.

Given his history and hhow fast you two got together after his last disaster of course he is having second thoughts. Let him have time and see if he calls. You knew he would have baggage so why move in together?