Hi, I'm in a relationship of 4 years with this girl, she is a good girlfriend but she complains about me leaving if I want to go out with friends, and is really emotional. 3 months ago I cheated didn't tell her, but she found out because the other girl had an std now we did. I am 25 she is 20. I want to be with only her and I made a mistake, I tried telling her but she does not believe anything I say now.. and she told me she hates me, and is depressed now because of this. We still live together and she feels like I am not ready for a relationship, I am, I just made a mistake. She said I made her so confused and she gives up and doesn't know if she wants to remain in this relationship, but I do. I don't know what to do, so I'm here.. what do I do?

If she can't get over your "mistake", there is nothing you can do. You'll never have the relationship you did before you cheated. Even if you stay together, it will always be a point of contention.

If she's willing to try and work it out with you, you'll have to be completely open and honest with her in all aspects of your life. It will take time, but if you are genuine in your feelings, eventually she will realize it was a mistake and begin to trust you as she did before.

Hello I know when someone I love hurts me such as cheats on me, the one way I would forgive them if they do something romantic and doont worry about being cheesy most girls fall for that. For an example you could by her a bunch of flowers and put them in her room or ballons that say I am sorry

Sorry but doing something romantic won't fix this problem.

The only thing that can fix this is time, and even that is no guarantee. See you broke the contract when you cheated. You have abused her trust in you and you may never ever get that back again. And without trust there is nothing. No relationship, NOTHING!!

If you have been clear and honest with you like you have here with us about you feelings then all you can do now is back off and give her the time and space she needs to consider her options.

In the mean time if I were you id do some serious thinking about why you did this, how you can make sure you never do it again and go about improving yourself as a person. Perhaps what you need is for her to leave you so you really learn the hard lessons out of this and grow as a person.

Further, I would never condone cheating but in this situation do you think that perhaps your actions was your mind telling you that you want out of this thing. She certainly doesn't sound like an ideal girlfriend and has issues of her own.

She should not have a problem with you doing things with your friends and quite frankly if I had a partner who did have a problem with that then they would not be my partner for long.

Perhaps your actions were a result of this and maybe you have to seriously consider if you do want to be in a relationship with this person.

Good luck. Make sure you take the opportunity to learn from this!

Yep this is the REAL world - your done. Something romatic?? HAHAHAHAHA!! Tell me how that works for you.


Personally - the TRUST is damage with this gal. It will never be fixed.

I personally would figure out why you cheated - I'd get sme counseling.

THAT'S NO MISTAKE. QUITE FRANKLY YOU DON'T SOUND VERY SINCERE TO ME.

Cheating is a complete deal breaker. Always. The trust is gone.

wow dude u really ed up hope it wasn't herpies that s a but you id b pissed to if u gave my crabs from some random skank u met on the street... anyway the helping u part u got to show her that u can b trusted do u wouldn't normally do like call her at work and talk that way she can never say u don't care in later agruments and get her roses and gifts even when there isn't any kind of special occasion... anyway good luck and personally I wouldn't blame her for not forgiving u

Well if you have breached her trust before and now you've done it again then I wouldn't blame her one bit if she kicked your a** to the curb. In fact id encourage her to.

Time to sort yourself out and learn from your mistakes!

Are you sure you really want to be with her? Or do you want to be with someone else but are afraid of leaving her? That's the impression I get by reading what you've written here.

I sense you need to own what you did, especially in all its ramifications. If you did, you would easily understand why she wants to know where you are, what you are doing, who you are doing it with and how she is emotional about it. If this had been done to you, you would likely feel and act similar. I hear you saying you "just made a mistake" (which sounds way too close to "just made a LITTLE mistake") but what I don't hear is an apology. And saying "sorry" does not get it for something this big either. This is not an "ooops, sorry hun" deal, dude. Are you handling that way?

A real apology identifies what you did wrong, takes full responsibility for it, expresses concern for the impact that had on her in an empathetic way and promises never to do it again. Its should sound a lot like this:

"I cheated on you which also means I lied to you. I take this very seriously and I can see how you do too. I understand how blown away your trust for me now is and how badly I hurt and scared you. I was not in my right mind and I now am. I see how damaged we are now from this and promise to never cheat or lie to you again. I hope I can do what is necessary to, in time, earn back your trust."

IF she accepts your apology, then you have to help her rebuilt it, over the long haul. That reassurance will need to occur for a while since people rebuild broken trust sometimes a lot slower than they offered it to you the first time since now they know what you are capable of.

If she doesn't get the kind of apology and on-going reassurance from you that she needs to rebuild her trust after suffering being lied to, cheated on and given an std, then you will forever have a problem. And if she wrote in here about someone like you who had failed to do this, I would advise her to leave him.

I hope that makes it clearer for you and that you know what to do now.

Your lucky to have a place to stay. Since you'll be home util the cows come home, I'd start with the bathroom and prove your worth and show nothing but your good side. Hope you do windows. You made a big mistake and you owe big AMENDS!!! Hope it works and you learned from this, If it doesn't work I suggest you learn from this.

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Originally Posted by moonstar

hi, im in a relationship of 4 years with this girl, she is a good girlfriend but she complains about me leaving if i want to go out with friends, and is really emotional. 3 months ago i cheated didnt tell her, but she found out because the other girl had an std now we did. i am 25 she is 20. i want to be with only her and i made a mistake, i tried telling her but she does not believe anything i say now.. and she told me she hates me, and is depressed now because of this. we still live together and she feels like i am not ready for a relationship, i am, i just made a mistake. she said i made her so confused and she gives up and doesnt know if she wants to remain in this relationship, but i do. i dont know what to do, so im here.. what do i do?

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You did make a big mistake and her emotoinality and joelousy made you push her away, hence cheat. She probably will be ven more jealous if you go back out, now. If you're truly sorry, you have to earn her trust back-do whatever you can to do this and if she accepts, then don't screw up again. After all, you got an std and now she has it too, thanks to you. I would never forgive you. Sorry. So you must sweat to prove your worth to her.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by moonstar

hi, im in a relationship of 4 years with this girl, she is a good girlfriend but she complains about me leaving if i want to go out with friends, and is really emotional. 3 months ago i cheated didnt tell her, but she found out because the other girl had an std now we did. i am 25 she is 20. i want to be with only her and i made a mistake, i tried telling her but she does not believe anything i say now.. and she told me she hates me, and is depressed now because of this. we still live together and she feels like i am not ready for a relationship, i am, i just made a mistake. she said i made her so confused and she gives up and doesnt know if she wants to remain in this relationship, but i do. i dont know what to do, so im here.. what do i do?

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I cheated to just hurt the people I care about. Its hardvery. She won't believe you. But I was told to give them space and time time heals all. I will till you this you cheating doesn't mean you didn't love her. You did and you where put in a difficult position and am sorry your going through that.

Wowww you really messed up... most girls will go through a lot in a relationship but as soon as a man cheats that's it, never mind finding out through an std, if you really love her and want to be with her why don't you suggest going to counseling together or tell her it will never ever happen again and give her every part of you, if you do end up staying together you should know it will never be the same and she now has the RIGHT to ask you a million questions and keep an eye on you no matter where you go

Pretty much all you can do is prove it to her by letting her see you are not interested in cheating any more. Let her question. Let her call the numbers that called you, or check up on you where you say you will be if you love her enough to. Once she sees you are doing exactly what you said and so forth it should ease her some to give you another chance. You have that you are still living together so she can see you come home to her and you are spending the time with her when you could be out.

... Cheating is not a mistake... drinking milk that has expired is a mistake... leaving your phone on speaker while your boss is on and talking about him thinking you hung up, is a mistake...
Mistake implies accidental.
Grrrrr...

I agree w/ Wildcat. It sounds like you are not being very SINCERE. Sounds like you feel that she should'nt be complaining about you going out w/ your friends or that she shouldn't be emotional. What you need to do now is forget about trying to go out with your friends and be there for her and her only. Hell, I'd do more than hate you if you cheated on me and gave me an STD. You left her paying for your mistake.

I agree with the guy who looked to see this was posted in February by somebody that never came. Hey that guy was me! YAY ME!