Hello My mom just finished with stage 4 cancer of the through she still has a feeding tub and pik lines in her arm she seems week still even though her last chemo and radiation was in Sept. Of 2011 but she has been rushed to the ER a few times since then do to dehydration she drinks water and yes she still smokes. But what I am having problems with is I am losing my mind on what to do granted she takes a lot of meds and she stays up from 11am till 4am when I have to tell her to go to bed do to the fact I come out and see her slumped over I scares me a lot. I know it upsets her when I tell her that its bed time but I feel that is the only way to get her to sleep. When she does go to bed I have to help her get into bed for she shakes a lot on her right side. This morning about 5am on Thursday the 19th after getting her into bed she fell out of bed and couldn't get her legs under her she was very week and once in bed baerly able to pull her self around. It is making my life very hard I had knee surgery on the 11th of jan, unable to stay off my leg to help her and unable to be with my family my wife and my 6 month old son I no longer know what to do I feel as thow I am beeting a dead bush. I know it will a hardship with me and my wife. I don't know if I am able to call her doctor to have a nurse around to help of get her addmitted to a nursing home till she is better for a kind of rehab My dad is not much help for he is in the 2nd stages of a mental illness. Any Help on what to do please.. Milton

Have you looked into hospice?

Not yet but I know if I was even to talk about placeing her some place it would really hurt her since I am the only family member who is able to help. My sister will give no help.

You don't need to "place her someplace." Hospice also offers in-home help/assistance. The American Cancer Society has some great suggestions.

This situation is dangerous to HER health. You need to make sure she is safe - and that will involve bringing in a caretaker OR placing her (and very few people ever want to go into care) where she can be taken care of.

Judy thank you for the response back I called her doctor and was told to try and get her in to see him to try and get a doctors order for some home health aid to help with her. My mom and me are a lot alike we are both stubern and hard headed and I know if I even mention placeing her some place she will feel as though I have let her down and it will slowly kill her inside she watched my grandmother slowly slip away in a home and she doesn't want that to happen to her.. all I know is I am at a point to tell my wife that I am unable to be with her and my son till my mother is better..

You are in a TERRIBLE spot - suddenly YOU are the parent and your mother is the child. Do you know what I mean?

I don't think people in general realize how difficult it is to be a caretaker for anyone - parent, spouse, child - when there is illness involved. You need to seek help for your mother or you will be too worn, tired, discouraged to take care of yourself and go on with your life.

These are such difficult situations and I do understand!