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I am a calm and rational female, not very moody but recently I am becoming depressed due to change of environment and loneliness.
Please advise me how I can better my situation? I am not expressive, and since I am in new environment, I still can't trust the people I met. And those new people/colleagues are the ones that causes me to be depressed, they are very jealous of me coming to the new organization as the youngest but well paid...
First things first. It good that you have a handle on your situation. Another thing is that you also realize where your head is at.
Since your in a new situation try to look to the future. Don't dwell on today or the past. If you do it will raise your anxiety levels and others will begin to notice. So your young and on your way. Let it be. Give others a chance to know the real you as time passes. Look forward.
You say that you can't trust the people around you yet... true, but trust is a complicated topic. There are many ways to be friendly (in your calm and not expressive way, that's fine) even with people you don't know and even though they may resent you at this time. It's a hurdle that many experience at a new job; maybe they all did. Just saying hi (first!) as you walk by rather than looking sideways is a huge step. Make a tiny compliment once in a while about someone's clothes or some part of their job. Ask a small question about the person, something that isn't personal but shows interest, such as about their commute or if they like the coffee. You could try to befriend one woman, talk more to her and eventually see if she will have lunch with you, and tell her you worry about being resented, but mostly just ask her about herself. Letting other people do the talking is a good way to be liked.
I did everything I can already, I am very social when I was back in my old job in the US.
Here whatever I say, people will correct me. I am very cautious about my words as an individual, I can't believe people here are so arrogant, they think they know everything! Unbelievable!
They also talk about my home country, and USA a lot. As Chinese American who is working in europe, I suffer a lot about discussions on those two countries. I have been attacked many times in lunch conversation by the locals.
I can't trust them, they take my responsibilities away as much as they can. They say Americans are stupid Chinese produces poor quality goods, when I try to defend both countries, they never listen, and just try to attack me even more.
I never had any problem with anyone before, now I just tolerate and smile, but deep down inside, I miss working in the States, and I am so depressed now.
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Originally Posted by CFZD
I can understand your situation now. Your isolated. And your on the defensive. All of that is natural. The hurrdle is how to get past it. The reality is that you may never get past it. So the best thing is to learn to deal with it. Don't let others make your values. That is exclusivly for you.
You have great value. Take pride in that. Let them talk but you always remember you know the difference as you have been there and done that. Learn to ignore the others when they make comments unless they are totally rude. You can and will adapt as you have in the past. Right now its tougher because your in a strange land with strange people. Inside you're a warrior and from a great people. Never forget that.
Thank you! And I have to tell that the french are rude! They really are!
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