My child is 14 1/2 months old. The father and I were never married and separated while I was in my first trimester of pregnancy. He was controlling,easily frustrated, and made many comments about discipline that had me extremely concerned. I was very worried about what type of parent he would be. I tried to keep my thoughts to myself because the idea of making him mad, scared me then, and does to this day. During the rest of my pregnancy I tried to keep things very amicable.I thought that if I made him feel as though he wasn't being kept from my child's life that he would not try to have unsupervised visits. I was afraid that if I upset him, and we had to go to court, that I wouldn't have proof of enough to convince a judge not to give him unsupervised visits. So, I sent him ultrasounds, let him know about all issues, and tried to find out exactly what he was expecting after the birth. He said then that he wanted to be involved, so I told him (and meant it) that he and his family could see my child (I didn't refer to my child as MY child then... )as often as they liked. A few months before my due date, he stopped responding and ,finally, a month before I was due, I left him a voice mail telling him that I couldn't know for sure that he had changed his mind about involvement, but that I believed from his lack of response (and the lack of enthusiasm he had shown concerning the prior updates that I had given him) that I was assuming that he no longer wanted to be involved, but that if I was wrong, he knew the due date and could contact me by then to let me know. I never got any kind of response. His name is not on the birth certificate, I refuse to pursue child support, and to this day, he has not tried to contact me. I changed my phone number three months after my child was born, but I lived in the same place that he had helped me move into until my child was nine months old. My brother is listed in the phone book and I believe that he easily could have reached me even after my number was changed, so I don't think that he wants to be involved at all. I'm sorry my explanation is so long, but I want to make it clear that I am not being spiteful. My question is this; in Mississippi (we live here, he lives out of state), what can I do to make my sole guardianship legal? Can I have his rights terminated? Do I need to? I know that in other states there is paperwork that both parents can sign and file themselves (if I could track him down, and he agreed), granting me sole custody without visitation for him, is there anything like that in MS? I DO NOT want child support, I just want to have everything clearly defined. My biggest concern is that something will happen to me and I don't know what would happen to my child. I know who I would like to raise my child if something would happen, but I don't know if that would matter as things are now. If you've made it through this extremely long question, thank you for your time and any input that you have.

You go to court and establish child support for the child and he takes a DNA test to prove he is the legal father. You can also settle custody issues at that time.

Child support is for the child. If you don't need it to raise the child then put it away for a college fund. Why should he be off the hook for his end of the responsibility. Also you can't will a child to someone. If you should die then he would have the right to step up and raise the child.

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Originally Posted by MS2010

I know that in other states there is paperwork that both parents can sign and file themselves (if I could track him down, and he agreed), granting me sole custody without visitation for him, is there anything like that in MS?

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I don't know where you got this idea that there is anything like this in ANY US state. As far as I'm aware there is not. Parental rights can only be terminated by a court. There may be paperwork that can be filled out to petition a court, but such an agreement is not binding unless ratified by a court.

At this point in time, since you left him off the birth certificate (which might be considered perjury by the way), you have full and sole custody. However, if he decides he wants his rights, all he has to do is go to court (in MS) and it is likely they will be granted. Given his lack of involvement, initially he would probably get supervised visitation.

However, if you should ever need to apply for public assistance you will need to identify him and either you or the state will pursue child support. I also agree with Califdad that support is for the child. That, unless, you are wealthy and can provide everything (including a college education), then you owe it to your child to pursue support.

We see many questions like yours and always have to wonder how these men were good enough to have sex with, but once pregnant, the mothers decide they aren't good enough to be fathers?

Another point, if you ever find someone to marry and you want him to adopt your child, the bio father will have to be identified and contacted.

Well thank you for your input, califdad and ScottGem. But to clarify ScottGem; I didn't mean that there was a way to terminate rights by simply filing paper work. And that isn't really what I want to do. I asked if that is something that I even needed to do. I have heard that two agreeable parents can file a custody agreement in some places, without an attorney.I didn't know what the details were and if it were possible here. I just wanted to know that everything is settled legally for now. I know that if he decides to pursue visitation, that he can do so at anytime, regardless of any current agreement. I'm sorry that I wasn't clear. As for the personal sex comment; I didn't decide that he isn't a good enough father... HE walked away. But you're right, and I'll never make that mistake again. (But I can't Really regret it, because I wouldn't miss out on my child for ANYTHING) If I knew that the courts would require supervised visitation until it was proven that he is SAFE, then, beyond knowing that I legally have sole custody at this time; my two worries would be addressed. As far as the birth certificate and my committing perjury; they do not allow a mother to put a name on it without the man being there to sign it. And I know that support is for the child, but I can't rock that boat. If the court decides to pursue later, then at least it wasn't me, but I doubt he would view it that way. I am thankful for the explanation of my current custody. But I can't put extremely personal details in here, and other people may not be able to either, so ScottGem, please consider reserving harsh judgement of some of these mothers, they may not all be the promiscuous, man-rights-abusers that you presume them to be. And I don't date. I don't go out with male friends. I don't want to get married. I'm not going to bring new men in and out of my child's life just to see if I can find someone that I want to date seriously, and I'm not willing to take the time away from my child to date someone without them meeting each other right away. I don't foresee that changing, but if it ever does, I will cross that bridge concerning adoption when I come to it. Califdad, thank you for telling me that about if I should die, I know you can't will a child, I just don't want my son immediately handed over to a man he's never met before, so that he can disappear without anyone knowing that he's being a safe parent, mainly, is there a way to ensure that my child would be with my family until everyone is found and things are settled? I just had no idea where my child would go until custody is decided.

To terminate his rights is very hard, you would have to prove he is unfit and a extreme danger to the child. Also child molesting or long term prison may be reasons.

A difference in how to parent is not.

He will be able to get visits, unless you can prove there is a reason not to. That is his right, if something happened you, he has the right to claim custody of the child.

What you ask for now is custody of the child, and ask for child support from him. Getting support does not give him any visit rights, he already has those, he just has to file for visits if he wants them in court.

Thank you FR Chuck. And to everyone else. I will take your input into consideration and begin researching attorneys.

First, I'm going to ask you a similar thing you are asking of us. Please don't judge what you think we said, but what we actually said. For example, I didn't say you were committing perjury only that you might be. Laws vary, and I didn't specifically check the law in MS, but in some venues it could be considered perjury. Second, I did not even hint that you might be promiscuous or a man hater. But the fact remains that we frequently get woman who say the same thing about men they have children with. And it does make us wonder. But more importantly, it will make a judge in court wonder. My purpose is to get you to see things from a broader view.

Also, it appears you are saying he won't be a good father because he didn't want to be one. But there may be other reasons he walked away, some valid, most not.

I am sorry for jumping to conclusions about what you were alluding to. I know that it is impossible for anyone to make a valid judgement without all of the facts. I am just extremely hesitant to put any more personal information on a public forum. I am already uncomfortable with this. I was simply hoping to have some of the Mississippi statutes explained to me, not necessarily pertaining to my specific situation. I just thought that a little of the information would help to filter the answers, but I just wasn't clear enough and I apologise.
I had read that some states do not consider the single mother to be sole guardian, even without involvement from the father, without actually petitioning the court for custody. I read this on another forum similar to this, and not knowing what that meant or if it was accurate, I just wanted to know if anyone knew what MS's statute was regarding an unmarried, absent parent and if I needed to go through the courts at this time. I do worry what will happen to my child if something happens to me and things aren't clear. I'm not expecting someone to say that my child's father can never pursue visitation if he wishes, I just didn't know what different options there were. If he and I could use a mediator, if an attorney is required, if we could do something ourselves (if I sought him out and we came to an agreement,) or if I'm viewed as having legal sole custody at this time and therefore am not required to do anything at this time. If that is the case, I'm happy to keep things as they are and address further involvement from him if the issue arises at a later time.
I would like to say that although his lack of interest in being involved after I broke things off may say a little about his ability to be a loving, nurturing, and interested father; I do know that some people choose to change and are able to. That isn't even close to what I am concerned about with him. Again, without specifics, I have seen explosive temper tantrums, a lack of empathy for others, and sometimes a disregard for human LIFE. There are just certain warning signs that you have to watch for, and get out of the situation if you recognise those signs. I just want to know that if we were not able to come to an agreement about supervised visits, that a court would take the time to determine whether he is safe, especially since it would be the first contact they've ever had. I only want what's best for my child. It would be the end of me if something happened to my child. Unfortunately it only takes a moment of frustration to do irrevocable damage. I know that this person has an explosive temper and is easily frustrated. As I said, some signs HAVE to be addressed. So, after another length, not so clear explanation, I apologise again for making assumptions. Thanks for your time.

There is a uniform law that most states follow. As long as there is no legal father, then you have full legal custody. As long as he does nothing to claim his rights, he doesn't have any.

If something should happen to you, you can leave your estate in trust to a relative to be used to raise your children. Unless he steps forward to claim paternity at that time, there would be no issue.

If he ever steps forward, the current guardian can fight his taking the child on grounds of best interest of the child. The courts will then look at the type and length of the relationships and his absence. I can't guarantee what they will do, but it is unlikely that they would hand over a child to a relative stranger based solely on a blood connection.

Thank you VERY much ScottGem. That answers a lot. And eases my mind. I will speak with an attorney about my final affairs and not worry about the rest unless it comes up. I know that I will have to consult a counselor about helping my child with any concerns and issues but at least I know that for right now, we are okay. AGAIN, thanks for your time.