My sister is 28, her husband is 38. They both don't want to work and sit around and complain that life is unfair instead of taking action to change it. I want to help them in some way. Everything I or my family has done has been ineffective and led to resentment. Years have passed as we have all decided that we cannot do for them what they do not want. What do I do? It hurts me deeply to see them suffer.

Yes, it is painful to watch those that you love self-destruct. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about it. You know the old saying, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink." It's cliché but true nonetheless. All you can really do is be there for them if they decide to make a change. You can encourage the change, but you can't force it.

"You can't get a custom fit in an off the rack world", I heard said one time. That means you can't make people be what YOU want them to be, even for their own good. You have to take others as they are, however disturbing it may be. Besides, when they get sick and tired of life being as it is, they will do something to change it. I'm sorry that I can't be more encouraging to you. They'll figure it out... eventually.

Hi there, the least I can say about this issue is that stop feeling like you are responsible for their misfortunes and if all does not go well then you will feel bad that you could not do anything to help them. This is a way of saying although painful that the least you can do to help them is by suggesting a professional shrink or someone who is very neutral to help them find the right direction. Unfortunately, most family members who seem to want to help their close families to be better persons is that their close families that need help end up seeing as if their members are against them or wish them ill, sad but real. Therefore, if they need help direct them to any of the mentioned people