My daughter is 2 years old. Her biological father and I are not together. He pays a small amount of child support every month, (well, he is supposed to), but he is not active in her life. He is 42 and crashes on his friend's couch, has 4 other children he pays for and does not see, and has a job barely paying minimum wage and rarely has a positive bank account balance.
I have made sure to set up several large life insurance policies for my daughter if anything happens to me. However, I would like my brother and his wife to become her legal guardian. They have a stable and loving home and would raise her and love her the way I do. My ex would simply use the money to improve his own life and not leave the money to pay for HER expenses and not his. She would have nothing left when she started college.
My brother has stated that if I am OK with it, leave him some of the life insurance money so he can use it to legally fight for my daughter if my ex were to try to get custody. Other posts have stated if I name them as guardians in my will, that she would go to them and my ex would have to fight for her (he wouldn't).
I just want to ensure that my daughter does not go to him if I die. Any thoughts? I live in Washington State.

Thank you!

You cannot prevent the birth father from getting custody of your daughter in the event of your death. Whether he pays support now is immaterial.

Yes, you could name guardians. Maybe he'll challenge that, maybe he won't. If he does he will "probably" be awarded custody UNLESS someone can prove he's a danger to the child, either mentally or physically. His immediate family could also attempt to step in.

I don't know how to phrase this kindly - were you aware that this man had 4 other children he apparently sees little and supports less when you had a child with him?

Thank you for the reply!
I have not always made the best choices. I knew about 3 of his children. Before I had my daughter, I never thought about these things. It didn't really hit me until I became a parent how irresponsible he was. You don't truly KNOW someone until you marry them.
That said, all I can do now is protect my child which I will do everything in my power to do. He does not have family that would fight for her. They are all nearing retirement age and uninterested in being parents. I do have a great relationship with his brother's wife who would act as temporary guardian for my daughter and take care of her until my brother could make arrangements to either have her brought down to them (they live in California) or he could come up to get her. I know once my brother had my daughter, my ex would not do anything to get her. He has no initiative and no funds for a legal battle. They do. I just want to make sure if I listed my brother as her legal guardian, he could gain custody of her and leave the state with her without there being legal issues to hold them here.

I know, complicated. Thank you for the response!

Appreciate your honesty - everyone makes mistakes.

You mention life insurance - make CERTAIN your agent understands your concerns and situations. If the money is your daughter's in some sort of arrangement it is possible that her natural father will control the child AND the money. Be aware of that - perhaps a trust handled by your brother or some other arrangement would be a good idea.

If you should become disabled or die (grisly, I know, but you have to look at that), yes, your brother - and there should be a SEPARATE Attorney-prepared document covering the arrangements because the Will is not necessarily obtained and probated immediately - COULD take custody until the father takes action to obtain custody of the child.

Your head is on straight and you've thought this out. I would just make sure you've run the scenario past an Attorney (all phases of it) to make certain that your daughter is protected in any event.

Also - your experience in this situation could be invaluable to many of the women (and occasionally men) who post here, involved with maybe the "wrong" guy. I truly hope you stick around and answer some questions. In fact, I look forward to seeing what you have to say!

I just signed up today. I will learn the site. I would love to help out anyone I can! No need for 2 people to learn from the same mistake.:-) I sincerely appreciate your help! This has been heart stopping and I lose sleep every single night worrying about it. My brother is already listed as the beneficiary for my daughter until her trust is established (which I am working on). Once that is establised, if my brother is established as her guardian, I would have an executor of the trust at that point. The money side I have pretty much figured out, I just worry about the custody side of it. I am glad you are the one who responded! Looks like you have a lot of experience.:-)