My sweet sweet grandma, who was like my mother died on March 31st. No warning. We had gone shopping 2 days before. She was in decent health and was only 72. It has been 9 months and while I can go on with my daily life my heart aches so bad. To the point where I try not to think of her at all. I still pick up the phone to call her. We talked every day. I keep her robe in a plastic bag by my bed and smell it periodically. Instead of being happy at my children's birthday parties this year I was sad and felt lost without her there. She was the glue in my family. Christmas was miserable without her although no one knew I felt that way. Now I found out I'm pregnant and while my husband and I are overjoyed I am devastated and feel guilty that she won't know this baby. I look at our 18 month old who was 9 months when she died and think he will never remember her. It makes me sick. My chest literally aches. I don't let my feeling affect my daily life and only those very close know I'm still having a horrible time. But when will it get better? When will I be able to think of her and smile instead of immediately trying to block the thoughts out. Her birthday is Feb. 4th. I just want to skip that day. We would've spent it together as we have for the last 29 years. Everything, every day makes me think of her. My heart just hurts. I'm tired of every joyful moment in my life being overridden by sadness. Thank you for your thoughts.

You obviously loved your grandma very much. Because her death was sudden, you probably didn't get to say "goodbye". Say it now. Write her a letter telling her everything that you've said here and place it on her grave. I believe that she will come to know the words that you would write. Don't ask yourself when things will get better. It serves only to prolong the agony. The more you love someone, the more you come to grieve their passing. Love and grief are directly proportional.

I lost my father 3 years ago and I still cry on occasion. Take time in your grief. No one is rushing you so you shouldn't rush yourself. Everyday will be better than the day before, even if you don't notice it. It's okay to cry, to remember, to laugh, and to cry all over again. As far as your children are concerned, I believe that God allows those who have gone before us to see some of the things that happen to us on this earth. So don't worry about your children not knowing grandma. Somehow, in God's own way, they will meet.

It's strange. Your grandma's birthday was on February 4th. My dad's was on February 3rd (coinsidence? I think not!) The love that you have for your grandma is noble, and it speaks well of your character. You will be fine, your grandma is fine, everything is fine. Live well, and joy shall soon return.

I answered your question last May - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/bereav...go-574115.html - and really have nothing to add except there is no time frame, no schedule, no "set in stone" rule.

You apparently have been suffering with grief for 8 months and it doesn't seem to be lifting. Maybe it's time to talk to someone - a group, an individual, a clergyperson. I would be concerned about her robe beside your bed, a robe which contains her scent.

I was widowed, and my late husband was FAR too young to die. I know how grief is, how it can overtake your entire life.

And, yes, holidays are hard - they are still hard for me.

You appear - for some reason - to be hiding your feelings (and grief) from other people. Maybe that's why you aren't going forward.

I say it kindly - you need to talk to someone.

Thank you very much, both of you. Honestly until you posted the link I didn't remember I had written in May. I know people lose people all the time, it's a part of life. But I never imagined how hard it would be. Maybe I will talk to someone, I don't know. I just wish the pain would go away but I know that's not realistic. Again, thank you for your care and thoughts.

[/FONT I know two others have already answered your question but I just wanted to add a couple of things. I noticed as you were writing about how hard it has been you seem to be trying to hide your grief and control it. I am a retired hospice nurse and when my mom died and then a5yrs later my dad I too had a horrible time. I finally realized I had developed a"coping block" I used when my pts would pass away. I would only allow myself to grief for just minutes then I would suppress these feelings. I found that it was hurting me so badly losing them that I was using this "block" with the loss of my parents. I had to learn to let myself grieve to be able to start to get through it. I used to tell my pts families that there is not a right or wrong way to grieve, everyone does it their own way. Well it took me awhile ( and some grief counsling) but I have learned to let myself cry and to feel the hurt. It will get better I promise. And in time you will find that the hurt will turn into a smile when a sweet memory you and your grandma shared crosses your mind.

GRANDMA

Your Soul
Has found
Everlasting peace
And the beautiful memory
Of your being
Here on Earth
Will live on
In the hearts
Of those
Who Loved You