Very long story short. I was living in a semi-truck with my ex for 11 1/2 months. I got pregnant and he wanted nothing to do with the baby. Wanted me to have an abortion. He dropped me off in Oregon at my mother's house and not even a month later he decided to get back with his ex and he abandoned me here.

He said he wanted me to throw the baby in a dumpster, that I was being selfish for keeping it, he wanted a tire to blow so he can flip into a ditch and die so he didn't have to have anything to do with the baby, wanted to know where he could sign so he could give up all his rights etc. When I found out it was a girl and told him, he was pissed. Said he would rather have a one-armed retarded son than a girl. Anyway, this is just a taste of how much he hates this child.

Well, all of a sudden, he wants to have something to do with her. I am 7 months pregnant. He says he is going to lawyer up and take her from me. Within the last month and a half, he got a place with his ex and he is now home almost every weekend. Mind you, he was physical with me when we were together, and I have even seen him grab his 4 year old niece by the arms, slam her on a table, and scream horrible curse words in her face! His temper is not steady!

Also he lives 3,000 miles away. I am in Oregon and he is in New Hampshire.

Should I get a restraining order now? How do I even go about proving his violence and temper? I am so scared and don't know what to do. I am not going to put him on the birth certificate, am going to give her my last name, but would still like him to pay child support. What do I do?

If you expect child support... HE gets his name on the Birth Certificate... AND as a father.. he has the right to petition the court for custody too.

If you want to make accusations... you better be able to prove them or you will be the one that looks bad. Defamation and Slander are two things to come to mind. Without police reports and medical records both to back you up,. its your word against his. And you would appear to be a bitter person, hurting your credibility and helping his.

And on the other part... there is NOTHING you can do or have him sign that gives up his rights as a parent. Only a court can do that. And you need a really good reason and have someone adopting the child (which as long as he is able to be reached... would require his signature approving it) at which time he doesn't have to pay any more support.

He doesn't even want to fly down here for the birth, has never been to one doctor appointment and doesn't help out with buying her not a single item. But I am expected to put his name on the birth certificate? I guess it will be there once we do a DNA test but I am not going to do it. I do have a good portion of his family that is on my side and knows what he has done to me, so maybe that will work, besides that I don't have proof. Thank you for your advice though, it's kind of helpful.

First off, if there is no presumption of paternity (eg. you were married during the time of birth of conception), then you CANNOT put his name on the birth certificate. For him to be made the legal father, he must either sign an affidavit of paternity or be found to be the legal father (usually through court ordered genetic testing). If he would like to petition for legal custody after a determination of paternity, that is his right as the father. Unless he is completely unfit, he will get visits at a minimum. As smoothy mentioned, a determination of paternity is also necessary to have a child support order put in place.

Next, it is rare for sole physical custody of a newborn to be granted to a father. Unless YOU are unfit in some way, that is unlikely to happen. However, you cannot stop his visits if he is found to be fit to have them by a court. The court can order that someone else transport the child between you if your safety is a concern, or may order supervision of his visits for a period, but will not stop him from being a part of his child's life unless there are extraordinary circumstances. (And just as a side note, a court is not likely to take the things that he said in reaction to your pregnancy seriously. People say all kinds of craziness when confronted with a huge change in their lives, and courts understand that. Unless you have a patter of behavior documented by police reports when there were threats or violence, this is unlikely to help you)

If you espect support you have to do the rest... DNA and everything. That's how the law works... His rights equal yours...

Knowing means nothing in a courtroom... you have to present evidence... and that applies for both sides. It protects the rights of the accused.

Now of course... he can file for custody... and if he has a better lawyer and can show the court he is in a better situation to raise it than you... he might win. But there are no guarantees... THe right evidence and the right representation in front of the right judge and it could go either way. The odds are less in his favor and more in yours there, but it can happen.

And they have seen enough bitter spouses to automatically not believe defamitory claims that have no evidence backing them up.

YOU might say he beat you senseless all the time... but if you never went to an emergency room or never called the police even once... they are going to wonder WHY? And what you don't want to do is make them question ANYTHING you say under oath, because if they show even one thing is not true... it casts doubt on everything else you say as well.

Your lawyer will tell you that, so you don't have to take my word.

And it it goes that far, you are going to have to hire one.

I don't write the laws. If I did they would be LESS biased against the father and more equal.

Just wanting to say... bringing him into by trying to get support establishes him as the legal father.. and all the rights that go with it. Name on Birth Certificate... visitation rights and the right to file for primary custody or even partial. He might try that on principle.

Its easy to say one thing before the baby is born... but after the fact its another in most cases..

Threats to take the child are normally just that threats to scare you so you don't try to do child support. Normally that is all there is.

Also he can not "take" your and his child unless you can be proven to be a unfit mother.

So if or if not, he could get custody of the child all depends on all sorts of issues as to everything and will have to be fought over in court.

For court anything you say about him has to have proof, not just you saying it. So were police called when he got physcial.

No the police were never called. Like I said we lived in a semi truck and were all over the U.S. I did try to leave him a few times but that didn't happen. Not very many bus stops at truck stops and he wouldn't give me the money to leave. It's kind of funny because he is the one that told me to go after child support, that is the only reason I am doing so. I don't consider myself unfit. I do not have a job at the moment and I am living at my moms house, but that is only because he dropped me off here without a dime to my name, and with my mom working and only one car it's hard to find work that flows around her schedule. To top it off not a lot of people want to hire someone pregnant when I am just going to have to take time off soon. I sold everything I ever owned to get on the truck with him so I am literally rebuilding from the ground up. But even with all of that, there is a roof over my head, food on the table and the baby is getting all the things she will need. I do know he just got a place to live not to long ago, but with him being a truck driver and only getting weekends off here and there not to mention him being 3,000 miles away. I'm just wondering how this custody thing would work. Especially that I am going to breast feed for at least the first year.. She can't be away from me just for that reason alone...

At this point I would do the following. 1) ask at the hospital whether you can list him as the father on the birth certificate. You can still specify her name. But listing him on the birth certificate may help with the support proceedings.

He will challenge support most likely, which means paternity will have to be established, but having him on the because means you are attesting that he is the father.

It would be highly unusual for you not to be given primary custody, especially in this instance.

A few other things you should be aware of:

He has no rights at all until after the baby is born.

In my opinion, whether he is on the BC will not affect your chances of getting an award of child support.

Assuming the baby is born in Oregon, as long as she remains there that is the only place where custody can be litigated. So don't worry about his filing suit for custody in New Hampshire. NH won't have jurisdiction. And if you doubt his willingness to fly across the country, it's doubtful that he could successfully sue you for custody in Oregon without doing so.