My girlfriend and I have been together for almost three years now. She's a sweet, beautiful, mature, kind person, and I love her deeply. We started dating in our first year of college when we were both 18. We are now 21, I've graduated and have a stable career in the area working in social services. My girlfriend still has one semester left of school. She lives at school, I moved back home, just over an hour away. We really got along well, saw eye to eye on major issues (religion, finances, morals, values, family, children etc), and we've talked about marriage. Although we don't want to get married/kids until late 20's, we were confident we wanted that together. We are each other's first relationships and first loves, and there was obviously the young and in love infatuation stage at the beginning, but over time it turned into a mature, stable, and loving relationship.

Anyway, this past summer she took an internship in another state (3,000km away). We did the long distance thing, I went out and visited twice, it worked out well. But since September 2011, things have been degrading. She has been more distant, we seem to be drifting apart, sex has declined, intimacy has disappeared, we find times that there are long silences where nobody has anything to say. She recently brought up the fact she is considering looking for work in different states and different countries all together after her graduation. I thought about this for a while, and decided I will not be willing to uproot my life here if she chooses that; so I told her I was, and will not be prepared to move with her if she takes work elsewhere. So a couple weeks ago she suggested a break, so she can have some time to herself and think about things. She has to renew her lease by the end of the month, so basically she needs to decide if she'll be staying or going by then. The break started January 1st, there has been absolutely no contact between us yet.

I know that I can't convince her to stay here and look for work and stay with me, and I can't persuade her to change her mind... and I don't want to, I want her to chose to stay and be with me on her own accord. But I am finding it so difficult, the thought that I may lose the person I love, and who means so much to me. She tells me she loves me and sees us getting married, having kids etc years down the road. But she also wants the chance to go work abroad and develop her work experience. The way I see it, I'm the right guy, at the wrong time. I know she still loves me, but I'm not sure that she's in love with me.

I know that because she requested the break with no contact, that I will not contact her; I will wait for her to contact me. I love her and care about her enough, that I want her to be happy. I realize that if her happiness doesn't include me, than that's that. I guess it comes back to the saying, if you love something let it go, if it comes back to you it's yours forever, if it doesn't it was never meant to be.

But the difficult part for me is accepting all this. My girlfriend used to be such a strong and integral part of my life, she was a pillar and someone I could count on. It's a foreign concept to me, the fact that we haven't communicated in one week, and that could continue on for a few more days, or a few more months. The not knowing kills me. I hate being in limbo, wondering if we'll end up together or if the relationship is done. It's causing me so much stress, anxiety, and emotional pressure. But at the same time I don't want to convince myself that we're done, move on and forget about her, because she may decide she wants to stay with me. I've been keeping myself busy by exercising, playing piano, seeing friends etc, but I can't go ten minutes without thinking about her. I feel lost.

Just break up. I am sorry, real love is that you would be willing to move to the end of the earth for her and with her. She has a different dream than you, and it is not going to work. End it well and on good terms and follow your own dream locally, let her find the world.

Dave 1990: sounds like you really love this girl. I feel for you. Being so young when you met and being each other's first loves makes it all that much harder. Being in your early 20's I suggest you try to go about your days and move on as much as possible. Don't forget about "yourself". Remember that you need to grow and find your roots and if that means staying where you are then so be it. Perhaps someone will come along and fill that space that your girlfriend did. I know I'm sure right now it doesn't feel that way, but trust me, it will! :)
You are young, enjoy the youth. Enjoy the time you have to yourself to find the new YOU. Not the "we". I hope you understand. In time you two will probably start talking again about the things have you been doing while apart. In doing so, perhaps you will find out that there are going to be many new things uncommon that you once thought were common. But like you said, sometimes you have to let things go before they came back. However, sometimes by letting go, you free yourself to find new things, new people, new interests. It will be hard the first few months that your are apart and you don't hear from her, but it WILL get better. You will see. Stay strong and see postiveness in each day when you wake up. Look for something that will make your day great and worth getting out there in the world.

Damn don't I know where you are right now. I think we all do. But you are doing the right thing for yourself, and the right way. Takes time is all and when the week turns to a month, then a year, you will find that you can accept this better. And it will get better, just not soon.

Stay on the path though, because we all know break ups suck.

Thanks for the kind words everyone; it's nice to hear from others and have some support. My girlfriend has been my main support network for 3 years, so it's been difficult adapting to the change. By the way, I'm not sure why the weird text appears every time I use an apostrophe...

It's been 8 days since the break started, and I've been NC the entire time. The urges to contact her have subsided, but the pain has not. The worst part is that when I left her house after we had 'the break' talk, she sent me a text saying "You're not leaving my life, I love you and will be there for you, you're my best friend bla bla bla." For whatever it's worth she told me she's leaving her status as 'In a Relationship' on Facebook. I don't have Facebook, so I don't have to worry about urges to 'creep' her profile. So there's obviously mixed signals here, which is making it all the more difficult to give up hope and try to move forward with my life. Every time I get a text message my heart jumps, hoping it's her... eight days of this, and it hasn't been her. She's really left me in a state of limbo, requesting the break but telling me we're not over. Part of me wants to believe this, give her time and trust in the fact she will come back to me. But deep down I know that if I roll with this attitude and belief system, I'll be in for a world of hurt, much worse than I'm in now, if down the road she decides she doesn't want to get back together.

Whether it's right or not, I know I need to move forth with the belief that we are through, for good... for my own emotional well being and sanity. Which as most on here know, is easier said than done. I've packed away all physical memories of her in my house; it was so difficult seeing meaningful and thoughtful gifts she has given me in the past, they stirred up all the raw feelings, like salt on the wound. But now that these things and our pictures together are put away, I don't have these constant reminders to look at. But it's been so hard battling the mind games and thoughts that go on in my head. I've been listening to a lot of music which helps, really enjoying Three Days Grace at the moment!

The hardest part through all this is not knowing; not knowing if the girl I love will come back to me, not knowing if we are done for good, not knowing if one day years from now our paths will cross and we will get back together, not knowing when the pain will subside, not knowing when I will be able to move forward and have an open heart for someone else.

You know good enough yourself. You seem to be very mature about this. Your girlfriend definitely loves you right now, but she has to give herself and her career a chance, too. Never take it to be your fault, or hers. It is sad to say, but as you sad it yourself, it seems as if you two are the right persons for each other, but in a wrong moment.
I'm going through a somewhat similar situation right now, and I can tell you one thing - moving on for yourself can't go bad. The common mistake that reunited couples do is going BACK, or in your (and mine) case, when relationship has been good and didn't end because of the problems you had with each other - people tend to expect to CONTINUE once they get back together. Both of you will be completely different persons once you meet or talk to each other again, and, well, if it still works - than that's it, and you'll know it.
But until then, I suggest you to act like this is the end. Don't worry, love like that doesn't just disappear (trust me) - in case she decides to stay. If you don't let her go and continue thinking about her on and on - even if she comes back wishing to be with you again, you will be drained out of all the time you were waiting.

Good luck, there is a lot of painful time ahead of you, but you have to stay strong and positive!

So my girlfriend and I were together for two and a half years. The last 6 months of which was rocky, and it was evident the relationship was on a downward spiral. She wants to work abroad after she finishes university this semester, and requested we take a break so she can have some time to think. The break started at the beginning of the month, and I just passed the 3 week point of No Contact.

I have been doing well so far; the pain is easing, the fact (in my mind) that we are done is setting in, I have started a new job (my dream job actually!), I'm going on vacation in a couple weeks with a good friend, and I'm going to be moving out of my parents house and to a new city soon. I have given up most hope that the relationship will continue, I don't expect it to, and I'm not even sure I would want it to if she came back to me. But nonetheless, I have missed her, and 'us.' But it has become easier over the course of three weeks.

I'm 21 and this was my first love and first relationship, so I don't have a lot of perspective; but in other's opinions, how long did it take you to start dating again. Part of me wants to join a dating site and meet new women in the new city I will be moving to shortly (next few months). But at the same time, I was in a relationship with my girl for 2.5 years, we were great together, and I truly loved her; and the relationship has not officially ended yet, as we are on a 'break' (but most of us know what the actually means.

I'm just looking for some guidance and opinion on this matter; how soon is too soon to start seeing new people? When will I know I am ready? How will I know?

Thanks all!

When you see this as officially over, and let go enough to stop looking back, and can see dates as fun and not an interview, Then I would say you are ready. When seeing others is a torture, or you start judging them by what you just lost, you ain't ready.

I believe the best way to go is to reconnect with family, and friends for a time and get the happiness back into your life, just so the healing process is completed naturally.