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-   -   How can a woman say she loves me but won't get a divorce from her husband? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=626049)

  • Jan 8, 2012, 03:01 PM
    KYman0123
    How can a woman say she loves me but won't get a divorce from her husband?
    Me and this woman have now been seeing each other for about two years and she says she loves me but won't get a divorce when she says she really loves me and on top of that she is pregnant with a baby and don't know where that is going to go from here she also has two kids that I love but she is still married I want to know what to do I just don't know what. To do at all
  • Jan 8, 2012, 03:11 PM
    joypulv
    I'm sorry to say this, but this happens all the time and if you don't know the answers just by being with her and talking and listening and asking, then we can't really explain. Every person's reason is different. Men do it, women do it. Often it has to do with some security they don't want to give up, or they don't want to fight over the children, or there's mixed emotions, such as he is a father figure and you are the exciting lover, or the spouse has needs such as illness or injury that need help. The list goes on and on. ASK her in a caring way, not accusing or desperate, just say it's for your peace of mind.

    And start breaking away if this is driving you crazy. You can't change people; you move on.
  • Jan 8, 2012, 04:40 PM
    DoulaLC
    I'll ask you what I ask the many women who come on with the same question regarding the married man they are dating. Why should she divorce? She has the best of both worlds. With you there are no ties, no real commitments, no bills, no kids to deal with, no house repairs to contend with, etc. it is all fun and games.

    As joypulv pointed out, there are numerous possible reasons she doesn't. Ask and find out. If you aren't able to accept her reasons, time to make a break and find someone who actually is available to be with you how you are wanting.

    Better yet, back out of the picture and see if she makes a decision. As it stands you have allowed yourself to be part of a situation that would be destructive to her entire family.

    Consider this as well... she is married to someone who most likely believes that she is faithful and honest, and who probably also believes she loves him. So, she has proven herself to be a liar and a cheat... for 2 years no less. Do you really think she wouldn't do the same to you if you were together? I bet her husband thinks the same thing.

    If he knows about you and just accepts it, then you are no better off anyway. She apparently isn't interested in something more committed with you then what you already have going or feels that it is necessary for her to stay where she is... otherwise she would be with you. She may indeed love you, but you can love someone without feeling the need to be in a committed relationship with them.
  • Jan 8, 2012, 04:46 PM
    Fr_Chuck
    Yes, it is easy, she can lie and you believe it.

    If she really loved you, there would be nothing to keep you apart. So does the husband know about you, you are OK her leaving his bed to be in bed with you ? Are you OK being second best in her life. All the important time is for her family, you are stolen moments.

    Have you asked her husband if he will leave her ?

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