I am scheduled to be married in 3 weeks and up until about a month back I was ready to do so. But, the most incredible thing happened went I went away on a trip this past month. I saw the most beautiful woman I have ever seen and the second I saw her it was love at first site for both of us and I had a feeling for her that I have never had for any one including my Fiancé. We hung out for several days and by the end of the trip she was asking me to move there with her and I seriously was considering it.

I decided I needed to go home and sort things out and dig down deep into my relationship. I know one thing... I have never had the feelings for my Fiancé that I have for this girl. I have been in constant contact with this girl (who is 23 and I am 32 and she has a child) and we have tremenous conversations and I feel like I have known her my whole life. This girl just came to where I live last week and I was able to sneek out to see her one day and spent 11 hours with her and It was incredibly passionate and an unbelievable It was so incredible I had called off my wedding(which is now back on) and was ready to have this girl move here with me.

I do love my fiancé and had no questions about marrying her until I met this girl but I can't get through the day with out thinking of her and wanting her. This obviously has affected my current relationship because my fiancé does not understand why things between us have changed. Whatdo I do? Do I risk a 6 year relationship for a girl I have only known for a week? Or do I just run with the feeling I have for this gril and take a chance on a love I have never felt and have her move here with me? You only live once... right?

I kind of know what you are going through... apparently you have deep feelings for this new flame. So what I really think you should do is talk to your fiancé about what is going on. She has a right to know. She will be upset but she will be very grateful that you did it BEFORE the wedding. But then again, your feelings for this new girl may only be because you are getting cold feet and you are already practically married to your fiancé, making you have a strong desire for something younger, more exciting. But don't do anything until you talk to your fiancé.

You can always get married yet and even though you will hurt your fiancé by calling off the wedding if you get married you may always regret what you could have had.
You are probably saying that you love this woman because you are having second thoughts about getting married because if you were getting married you should love your fiancé more than anyone, especially someone who you fell in love with at first sight. I am guessing that you have not known this girl a long time and it is likely that you are just excited about having a new relationship but if you get married now you will probably end up regetting it because you wouldn't know whether you would have loved the girl more than you love your fiancé.

You should marry your fiancé. This girl you met is too young. And it's very common to fall in love and get excited at a beautiful girl when you first see her. But that's just physical attraction. You don't know this girl. You only spent a few days with her. You've spent years with your fiancé. And after all that time you're still in love with her. How do you know it'll be the same with this girl? You can't because you don't know her enough. You're taking a big risk if you cancel your wedding. Your fiancé loves you man. Don't break her heart.

DEAREST CONFUSED...

It is evident that you are getting cold feet prior to your wedding. And as far as being in love at first sight, impossible! Think about it from this angle: you met this girl on a WEEKEND TRIP, you told her that you have a fiancé, you told her that you and the fiancé have been together for 6 years, you told her that you diggin her, right? Okay. Think of the type of woman she MUSTBE! If you have told her that you are taken, regardless of your persistence, she didn't step the hell off, but she continued the lust driven relationship that WILLNOT WORK! This woman is no more than a wet tail, and besids, she'll dog you, because she is 10yr younger, eventually some man will come along her age or a little younger and will TAKE HER AWAY FROM YOU AS SHE HAD TAKEN YOU FROM YOUR WOULD BE WIFE... think about it, you and this skank have a weekend, you and the fiancé have 6 years... years that will never , ever come back if you hurt her like this... matter of fact, tell your fiancé how you are feeling and save her the embarrassment of arriving at the alter looking impecable, just to stand there alone... oh you men are weird creatures! Booty is all you see in this woman!

First of all, the fact that you are even thinking about leaving your fiance' for a girl you hardly even know, gives you your answer. If you were in love with your fiance' it would never have even gotten to this point because no matter how beautiful you thought someone else was, you would never have crossed the line. What in the world makes you think your feelings for this new girl could be stronger than your feelings for your fiance'? It's obviously a stronger sexual attraction, which is something that doesn't last as long as real emotions. I think you should break it off with your fiance' because I don't think it's fair for her to go into this marriage without knowing all this information. She deserves to be someone's first choice not someone you are settling for because you are afraid if you leave it won't work out with the other girl. I think you should really think about her feelings as well as your own. It sounds like you are being pretty selfish to me.

I have to agree with changingthings' reply. I feel really sad for your fiancé, for she thought that you heart belonged to her. And while your heart, perhaps does belong to her, your mind wanders to the new fling. But I ask you, what is true love? Can you have true love for two people? Well, personally I don't feel true love even exist in a relationship rather conditional love. So let me change the question to what is your conditional love between these two woman. The fling is rather obvious, for you base your entire relationship on a short time encounter. The conditional love for your fiancé is rather confusing. It appears that you were marring this woman out of fear of being along or convience but not love. Conditional love is the love a man and woman form a relationship, in which they put conditions on their love for one another. There are some form of expectations stated or implied that the relationship have. How would you feel if the story were reversed and it was your fiancé that had a fling? It seems that communication is already lost in your relationship with your fiancé. Love is a funny feeling that seems to pull people in many directions in which they thought they would never travel; however, one must question the validity of the feelings in the situation in which they are in. Just by asking the question yourself of "to marry" or "not to marry" is a way of seeking not an answer but justification for the answer in which you have already decided. I could not answer your question directly for I am not in the situation, but I do believe that you know in your heart what is right and just be honest to yourself and your fiancé. Communication is the key to any relationship.

Please e-mail me on what happened. I am in the same situation (except two men) same age, same years in current relationship (6) everything! I am desperately seeking advise, experience, anything! Try my hotmail address it is noella74 @ hotmail . Com

Thanks, and good luck.

Noella

Noella - Relationships take a long time to form. NEVER confuse lust and smitten with love - ever - that spark goes away, sometimes quickly and you WILL lose your fiancé. I am sure it's exciting now - but in a couple months maybe nothing.

I advise strongly marrying your man.

You most likely will have huge major regrets over this.

I agree with your statement, and appreciate it. I am just so scared that what I do not have with my husband to be (which is a deep spiritual/mental connection) will haunt me. The connection I have with this new person is what I had plus the missing deep spiritual and emotional bond.
I am so stressed about this, I am not at all a person who believes in or has ever cheated before so this takes me by surprise and shock. I feel like running away from both, but can't...

What if your fiancé was going through the same thoughts? How would you feel? What if there was another woman?

You never know - right? I bet you'd be a little devastated.

It also can be cold feet? Plus, I feel this other guy might be using you/taking advantage of your vulnerablity. This happens all the time.

This new guy is just a fling. The bad stuff/quirks/jerkness has not come out yet.

It's called LUST. Don't confuse it with love. My advise to you is to let your fiancé go, go be with the child that you claim to be in love with and in 3 to 6 months, write back, crying for us to give you advise on how you can get your fiancé back and how big of a mistake it was for you to ever leave her in the first place. You need to give your fiancé a choice of rather or not she wants to be married to a cheater. :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

YES - people confuse ALL the time Lust and Smitten with love. You need to work things out with your fiancé and leave the other woman NOW! This happens ALL the time to people about to get married - you also are more attractive to woman because you can commit. This gal your with is WRONG to be with you

Amazingly, at age 32 you are still not capable of having a mature and committed relationship. You owe it to your "fiance" to not marry her and allow her to find someone who will respect and love her more than you ever could.

Leave the other woman alone too, you will probably end up leaving her for someone even younger once it gets serious.

In the mean time, you should maybe start trying to feel a little more remorse than you conveyed in your post.