I don't really no were it went wrong. We dated for awhile and the had sex. Not often, we @eren't at it like rabbits, just whenever we felt like it. I love it. It made me feel like we were closer. He was a virgin before we did it. Which I was kind of weird about at first. But we both had said that we loved each other. But he just told me that he doesn't want to have premarital sex anymore. He goes to church and says he feels guilty. Well this crushed me. Not that I need sex, it just that I love him. He says he still wants a relationship and that he still loves me. But he wants to save it for marriage. But we already did it! I feel completely unwanted by him now. He doesn't even want me touching him anymore. I love him but I don't love his new rule.

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Originally Posted by alyssay12

I don't really no were it went wrong. We dated for awhile and the had sex. Not often, we @eren't at it like rabbits, just whenever we felt like it. I love it. It made me feel like we were closer. He was a virgin before we did it. Which I was kind of weird about at first. But we both had said that we loved each other. But he just told me that he doesn't want to have premarital sex anymore. He goes to church and says he feels guilty. Well this crushed me. Not that I need sex, it just that I love him. He says he still wants a relationship and that he still loves me. But he wants to save it for marrage. But we already did it! I feel completely unwanted by him now. He doesn't even want me touching him anymore. I love him but I don't love his new rule.

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What do you mean by 'touching'? Touching as in hugging, holding hands, light kissing, etc. or more passionate/intimate sexual touching?

He has given you his reasons. He goes to church and doesn't want to feel guilty about his behavior/actions with you. If you cannot accept his choice and the reasons for it, then you can walk away.

However, think about this: There are other ways to show affection and share intimacy than sex. He isn't saying that he doesn't love you or he can't handle the guilt of what you have already done. He does seem to be giving you insight into what he wants from this relationship-he seems to see marriage in your future. Do you?

If you stay in the relationship, back off trying to be close to him for awhile. Accept that both of you will be dealing with temptations and you will need to learn ways to deal with them and adjust to not giving in to them. That seems to be what he is asking for.

Communicate with him. Explain that you are having a hard time handling his decision. Explain that you feel like he has gone too far in distancing himself physically from you. Either work through it as a couple or accept that his needs are not the same as yours and let it go.

One other thing, do not make a common mistake of thinking that sex is the only way to show love and affection and that if you aren't being sexually active then he doesn't want, need, or love you. Do not allow the lack of sex affect how you see yourself. In any long term relationship, there are going to be times when sex isn't possible and there can be times when a partner is too tired, stressed or just not up to sexual intimacy. It doesn't mean the love is gone. It means the relationship needs care and understanding.

IF you are willing to work together and communicate, you should be able to build a stronger foundation and healthy relationship.

First of all, I WISH I was in your shoes. I'm having the same problem right now yet entirely different. My boyfriend won't have sex with me and has no religious reason for that. It's not a bad thing you know. I grew up in church and there was a lot of emphasis on waiting until marriage for sex. Usually this is scary because if you wait until marriage then you might be stuck with a partner who is no good in bed. But you got to experience that first; so if it's good at least you don't have to worry about that issue. If you really love him; you would back him up 100% on this; and to be honest there are not many men out there like him so you should appreciate that fact. If you need sex, I'm sure there are plenty of men out there who are willing. I don't have to tell you that. He obviously truly believes that is the right thing for him to do, and if you loved him you would make the commitment with him, or move on because it's not right for you to encourage him to do something he doesn't believe is right for him to do. Religion is a touchy subject, and although I don't live by what I was raised to; I definitely understand and can identify with it. It's better to be with someone who holds the same values and beliefs as you do. That's a major deal breaker for a lot of people.

He wants to marry you in the future, and he doesn't want to risk his Christian life in the process