Ask Me Help Desk - Worried MOM in NC

I have primary custody but my two boys have visitation with their father (via a visitation order). Usually he picks them up from my home for visitation but one day I went over to pick the boys up and saw that the roof needed replacing (one corner over the porch was falling and was propped up by a long 9 or 10 ft pole from the ground. My son also told me that when daddy cooks that they have head aches( which I believe is a gas leak (gas cooking stove), and he also told me that daddy did not have "good heat". So they sleep in the attic with a space heater because daddy saids heat rises. There are no windows where they sleep so if a fire breaks out they are trapped. Yesterday I went online to the county's ordinance enforcement website to see how to submit a complaint with the city. When I went to the site I saw where one of his neighbors had already start a complaint in 2/2011 because of how bad the house looks outside. I saw where the city inspection had multiple notes of trying to get in touch with him. Because of how the outside looked the inspector wrote that it warrants an internal inspection also. The website shows that th inspector has several visits documented where no one came to the door. He has also documented that he has left door knockers taped to his door asking him to call them. He also noted that he had sent him 2 legal letters and they have been unanswered. Since I have the case number and the inspectors name I will contact the inspector and fill him in on the heating and gas situation on Monday. My question is "Can I refuse to let my boys go home with him for visitation until all of this is resolved" before I go to court? It will take a while to get this heard in front of a judge with the normal procedures. Is there a way to get some type of emergency hearing for this?

Quote:

Originally Posted by daniel32

... "Can I refuse to let my boys go home with him for visitation until all of this is resolved" before I go to court? It will take a while to get this heard in front of a judge with the normal procedures. Is there a way to get some type of emergency hearing for this?[/B]

If you refuse to permit visitation according to the court order, you could get yourself in trouble. Before you do that, I suggest that you think of some way you can give the boys' father equivalent substitue visitation, perhaps with a friend or relative.

There are procedures for emergency expedited consideration of matters such as this, but I can't tell you exactly what they would be since I am not that familiar with North Carolina court procedures. Have you asked your attorney?

Quote:

Originally Posted by daniel32

I have primary custody but my two boys have visitation with their father (via a visitation order). Usually he picks them up from my home for visitation but one day I went over to pick the boys up and saw that the roof needed replacing (one corner over the porch was falling and was propped up by a long 9 or 10 ft pole from the ground. My son also told me that when daddy cooks that they have head aches( which I believe is a gas leak (gas cooking stove), and he also told me that daddy did not have "good heat". So they sleep in the attic with a space heater because daddy saids heat rises. There are no windows where they sleep so if a fire breaks out they are trapped. Yesterday I went online to the county's ordinance enforcement website to see how to submit a complaint with the city. When I went to the site I saw where one of his neighbors had already start a complaint in 2/2011 because of how bad the house looks outside. I saw where the city inspection had multiple notes of trying to get in touch with him. Because of how the outside looked the inspector wrote that it warrants an internal inspection also. The website shows that th inspector has several visits documented where no one came to the door. He has also documented that he has left door knockers taped to his door asking him to call them. He also noted that he had sent him 2 legal letters and they have been unanswered. Since I have the case number and the inspectors name I will contact the inspector and fill him in on the heating and gas situation on Monday. My question is "Can I refuse to let my boys go home with him for visitation until all of this is resolved" before I go to court? It will take a while to get this heard in front of a judge with the normal procedures. Is there a way to get some type of emergency hearing for this?

Unless you are a professional or have first hand knowlage of the situation not something told to you by another then you may be well out of your way in trying to report it. If you do an those conditions don't exist or are different from what you have stated to the inspector you could be held liable and also it can be seen as parental alienation.

Think long and hard before you do anything like that because it can backfire on you.

How old are the boys? I would not get the boys involved with the Inspector, making them testify against their father, that can make you the bad guy to the boys for not letting them see dad.

You need to talk to the dad ( in private) and discuss other forms of visits. You will need to take him to court for this, but will need proof of all of this in court.

Thank you for all your replies. The report of the neighbor to the city, the results of the external inspection from the county inspector, The fact that the inspector declared he had a reason to request an internal inspection based on his findings during his external inspection and the multiple attempts of the county inspector to get in contact with him (including what inspector called 2 legal letters)is documented on the city/county's ordinance enforcement website. My assumption is the when inspector finally gains entrance for the internal inspection that he will see/find the other issues I sited (leaking gas and non working heating source). I am not proposing that the kids not see dad I just do not want the visitation (especially overnight) to happen at his home until all is repaired or he moves to safer place. I do not want to take away visitation I just want to protect the boys. Talking this issue out with ex-husband will/has not work. Our history is that he does not respond to phone calls, texts, emails and will not pick up mail that I send to him receipt requested. The history is that I have had to go back to court several times to have other past orders enforced. No, I have not talked to my atty yet. This has all just come up. My thought was that I would try to handle it through the city enforcement dept. first but when I saw that someone else had already reported him and in 11 months nothing has been done/fixed because he has not responded to the city I am now thinking I need to get into court quickly.

Quote:

Originally Posted by daniel32

Thank you for all your replies. The report of the neighbor to the city, the results of the external inspection from the county inspector, The fact that the inspector declared he had a reason to request an internal inspection based on his findings during his external inspection and the multiple attempts of the county inspector to get in contact with him (including what inspector called 2 legal letters)is documented on the city/county's ordinance enforcement website. My assumption is the when inspector finally gains entrance for the internal inspection that he will see/find the other issues I sited (leaking gas and non working heating source). I am not proposing that the kids not see dad I just do not want the visitation (especially overnight) to happen at his home until all is repaired or he moves to safer place. I do not want to take away visitation I just want to protect the boys. Talking this issue out with ex-husband will/has not work. Our history is that he does not respond to phone calls, texts, emails and will not pick up mail that I send to him receipt requested. The history is that I have had to go back to court several times to have other past orders enforced. No, I have not talked to my atty yet. This has all just come up. My thought was that I would try to handle it through the city enforcement dept. first but when I saw that someone else had already reported him and in 11 months nothing has been done/fixed because he has not responded to the city I am now thinking I need to get into court quickly.

Here is the problem. For one thing your wrong. There is no gas leak. For another thing you have already mentioned a space heater so there is a source of heat. Again I don't believe there is anything illegal about it. You have the right to go to court for your custody changes but as far as the city codes and the inspectors involement your way out of bounds. You could lose the children over a false accusation.

Quote:

Originally Posted by califdadof3

... There is no gas leak. For another thing you have already mentioned a space heater so there is a source of heat. Again I dont believe there is anything illegal about it. ...

I share OP's concern, especially "There are no windows where they sleep so if a fire breaks out they are trapped." I would be very surprised if the local code permits a sleeping room without windows. And the evidence that there is a gas leak is questionable; but I am not ready to conclude that there is no such leak.

OP has, in her last post, indicated that she has been unable to communicate with the father. If he picks the boys up for visitation, she has a means available to communicate with him. Therefore she should speak to him, out of the presence of the boys, of couse, about the problem. One thing she could insist upon is that they not sleep in that windowless attic room. A space heater is not a safe or healthy long-term source of residential heat. An alternative would be extra blankets. This is North Carolina, not the Arctic.

This is really a hard one. On the one hand you have your boy's safety to be concerned about. On the other you have your own violation of the court order to worry about. Basically you are caught between a rock and a hard place.

My advice is to ask the court for an emergency ex parte hearing to temporarily suspend visitation until the issue of living conditions can dealt with. I think the information you have gotten from the web site will provide enough grounds for the court to issue a temporary suspension.