Ask Me Help Desk - I'm confused & need a guys perspective too.

OK. I've been dating this guy for 9 months + now. Just recently found out that him & his ex before me had sex. That hurts.
That hurts me bad. I'm only 16 years old & I've been going to school counseling over this. He said that he could tell that I had moderate depression.
I don't want to do my work at school. I just checked out today because I was sick of crying in front of everyone.
This guy I'm dating doesn't go to my school though, he goes somewhere different.
I don't know why this should bother me this much!

But yesterday, his ex girlfriend called me & told me that they had sex on his bed & couch & KITCHEN TABLE. I broke down & I haven't been okay since. I need help. I can't get them out of my mind, & I'm so in love with this boy.
Now I feel like he's going to start comparing me to her. [ probably already has been. ]
I've cried so much that I've made myself sick.
Someone help me!!

This guy's perspective is that your boyfriend is a bad dog and you deserve better. I went back and read your previous posts about your worries that he still had feelings for her. Apparently, you were right to be worried. I hope you have still not had sex with him because if you have, that will make it that much harder to get past this. It's a bitter pill to swallow, I know, but one just about everybody has to take at some point, so if it helps, consider this an initiation of sorts into the hazards of love, learn from it, and move on. It will take time, but it's necessary.

It sounds like you are dwelling too much on the past. What's done is done and nothing you can do can ever undo it. (tongue twister:D)

Umm, I'm just confused about the wording. Are you saying they did it before you were involved or after you were involved? When I wrote this, I assumed they did it before you were involved.

Dump the creep you deserve better. Then you won't have the drama from his ex either. Find a good guy.

You CAN'T CONTROL the past - let it go. It means nothing.

If I was worried how many times my current gal had sex or if she was worried about how many times I did or who whom - we'd be I na lot of trouble!!

EVERYONE GOING FORWARD YOU DATE WILL HAVE A HISTORY - ALWAYS.

Boyfriends don't come in shinny new boxes from the factory - everyone is used. It's CALLED LIFE!!

If you're hung up about a persons past then you're not ready to date.

I'd end it with him and work on yourself. Grow up a little.

And don't let that creepy ex get to you - they are ex's for a reason.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

Dump the creep you deserve better. Then you wont have the drama from his ex either. Find a good guy.

You CAN'T CONTROL the past - let it go. It means nothing.

If I was worried how many times my current gal had sex or if she was worried about how many times I did or who whom - we'd be i na lot of trouble!!!

EVERYONE GOING FORWARD YOU DATE WILL HAVE A HISTORY - ALWAYS.

Boyfriends don't come in shinny new boxes from the factory - everyone is used. It's CALLED LIFE!!!!

But they might have that "new car" smell! :D

All right. Why are you crying over something that they, meaning this girl and your so called boyfriend brag about. It is like they know its hurting you and they want to hurt you more by rubbing it in your face. As far as being 16 your so young to be stuck with a person like this.

HE IS A BOY
YOU ARE A GIRL

THIS IS CHILDESH BEHAVIOUR, Not yours but his, and his ex. Well that is what you called it anyway.

For you the way you think and the way you handle this is not good eighter. Teenagers feel that the one person they meet is the one forever but that is not always the case.

This person is not for you. This should be considered a learning experience. Eating, living life, going to school and continuing counseling is very important for you to look at things in a new light and how to move on from this.

Good luck.

Joe

Life is full of good things and bad, their behaviour was bad, that you went to a counselor was good. You really have to get beyond their cruel joke and first thing is leave this jerk alone, no one who cares for someone would do what he did. There are good guys out there.

Quote:

Originally Posted by cherryblossom

ok. i've been dating this guy for 9 months + now. just recently found out that him & his ex before me had sex. that hurts.
that hurts me bad. i'm only 16 years old & i've been going to school couseling over this. he said that he could tell that i had moderate depression.

Here’s the thing. Forget the issue of sex. Is any guy worth being depressed over? I mean you will have depressing moments and guys will not always be perfect but if he’s causing you depression you’ve got to ask yourself if it’s worth it.

Remember it’s better to be alone and be happy then to be with someone and be depressed.

Quote:

Originally Posted by cherryblossom

i don't want to do my work at school. i just checked out today because i was sick of crying in front of everyone.
this guy i'm dating doesn't go to my school tho, he goes somewhere different.
i don't know why this should bother me this much!?

Well if you want to date virgins then seek them out. Some people still wait until marriage and with the internet it should be easier than ever to find groups of people like that. But that should be done when your older.

The thing about guys is there going to come and go. Your education is a one shot deal. People used to preach to me all the time about getting an education and I ignored them like you will me but you overall happiness and the kind of guy you can meet in the future when it really matters is tied to you education now. Just think about the fact that all people from all walks of life, all races, all religions, and both sexes always say when they are older they wish they had paid attention more in school. When high schools over you won’t know you boyfriend but you always have your education. Okay I’m done preaching.

Quote:

Originally Posted by cherryblossom

but yesterday, his ex gf called me & told me that they had sex on his bed & couch & KITCHEN TABLE. i broke down & i haven't been okay since. i need help. i can't get them out of my mind, & i'm so in love with this boy.

Why is she calling you? Why is she telling you that? She must not have a screw on tight. Plus she also sounds like the school slut. Seriously your comparing yourself to that tramp? If she’s like this now I can only imagine how much she’ll be charging for an hour by the time she’s 21. That’s just my opinion. I guess what I’m really saying is in high school you tend to compare yourself to people or give people false value when they have none. You see her as competition or worthy because of her sexual relations and I see her as a future $2 prostitute.

Quote:

Originally Posted by cherryblossom

now i feel like he's going to start comparing me to her. [ probably already has been. ] ive cried so much that i've made myself sick.
someone help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well you don’t really say what he has said to all this. Until you do I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he doesn’t care about her. But if he is why do you want him? Now you giving him all of your personal value. Save some for yourself. Always. With him or any other guy.

But you’ve got to stop everything for a bit and bring the focus back to you. Your education has to come before anybody.

Quote:

Originally Posted by cherryblossom

ok. i've been dating this guy for 9 months + now. just recently found out that him & his ex before me had sex. that hurts.
that hurts me bad. i'm only 16 years old & i've been going to school couseling over this. he said that he could tell that i had moderate depression.
i don't want to do my work at school. i just checked out today because i was sick of crying in front of everyone.
this guy i'm dating doesn't go to my school tho, he goes somewhere different.
i don't know why this should bother me this much!?

but yesterday, his ex gf called me & told me that they had sex on his bed & couch & KITCHEN TABLE. i broke down & i haven't been okay since. i need help. i can't get them out of my mind, & i'm so in love with this boy.
now i feel like he's going to start comparing me to her. [ probably already has been. ]
ive cried so much that i've made myself sick.
someone help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happened with me with a girl only not them having sex but hem like making out in school but every body said they dident and he wouldent shut up and at first I cried and he naged me for that so I ended up getting suspended for beating up the kid so hard that there was blood for ten lockers down the hall so what I say is ask him if he loves you but before he answers make sure he looks you in the eyes and if he says yes and his puples get smaller then he loves you not her ps write back and tell what happpend