SO My Boyfriend of two years proposed to me over the holiday season!

We have to share a computer now due to mine crashed! I noticed in his History he watches A LOT of Porn, and goes on A LOT of Cam Websites and was on a few "flirting" websites(not sure if he accounts on them or not) I also noticed he has been kind of "stalking" his Ex Girlfriend on Facebook By Visiting her Facebook A LOT,

No matter how much Sex we have he continues to watch porn, I know I can't talk to him about this directly because he will get all defensive!

I understand that men watch porn but what about these cam websites? I'm hurt because I feel like maybe I don't pleasure him or he doesn't find me sexually attractive and that's why he's watching so much porn. He does it when I'm sleeping! I can try and have sex with him sometimes and he will just push me away, I understand he has a job that's very demanding
I'm so confused :( Should I talk to him? I don't want to marry him if he doesn't find me sexual attractive anymore. I love him but now I'm confused about the feelings he's maybe having.

Not all cam websites are interactive... its a voyeur thing... no different than a movie. If there was one on one interaction... it would NOT be the same. That would not be cool.

Second... this is more about your insecurities than his watching porn... deal with those... you will have a happier life taken on and resolving your insecurities rather than forcing everyone else to bend and twist so you don't have to confront them.

Him watching porn has NOTHING to do with you. I'm sure Britney Spears boyfriends/ husband look at porn too... as hot as she is.

Understand that to unwind he needs some ME time... as much as he may like sex with you, and no matter how great you look... when its sex with you he has to Focus on you and your needs so its not really as relaxing as it seems.

Nothing wrong with talking but if you start demanding things... its going to cause issues if you demand, accuse... or nag.

And looking at someone's website isn't stalking... it takes a LOT more than that to be considered stalking.

At the fact that you don't feel comfortable enough with your fiancé to discuss his "web browsing habits" in addition to your concerns that he may not find you attractive suggest that getting married to him is way too premature. Why are you so afraid of him getting defensive if you bring up the subject?

I was married to a man who turned out to be addicted to porn and it led to our getting divorced. Hindsight is 2020 but if I knew that he was an addict when we were engaged, I never would've married him due to all the hurt is looking at porn (and chatting with porn-related web models) caused me. I don't want to see that happen to you so please, find the courage to confront him and tell him how you feel. However, you should be prepared for any reaction he may have including that he's not going to give up looking at porn for you in which case I strongly suggest you start dating other people as marrying someone who looks at porn on a regular basis will destroy your self-esteem.

Incidentally, there's a service I used to use with my ex that would find all the pornographic sites he was visiting. Hopefully your fiancé will give up looking at porn for you but just in case you don't trust him, I recommend this service as a way of verifying his promises to you.

OK so as you stated watching porn is normal for men (and women). Some webcam sites are basically the same as porn though. Not all webcam sites are interactive which I think a lot of people mistaken them as. I would say that the porn thing is natural. Have you tried "sugar coating" it? Try say "would you like to watch a porn together baby?" Instead of " why are looking at all of the porn sites" That way you are able to see his expression but you are not offending him and making him feel as if you are attacking him. You never know, he may tell you he enjoys porn and would like for you two as a couple to watch it. Some men/women find it to be a turn on to watch porn with their spouse. Here are some suggestions: try finding out what he likes, don't be pushy about sex but make sure he knows you want it, try being loving without intending on it leading to sex. For example my husbands favorite color is clean and likes stuff with dragons on it so I went to a lingerie website and ordered an green and gold corset with dragons on it.he loved it. Try giving him a massage, or a simple kiss on the neck with no intent of it going any farther. Doing little thing will show him that you are still interested but are giving him his space... with all of this being said I would sit and think about the option that he may be addicted to porn. I know that sounds silly to a lot of people but it can actually happen. If that is the case with him, you need to talk with him about it, try to convience him to get help, or you will have to deal with it the best you can. I really hope you figure this out. Good luck

Tracy makes some good points of sharing some of his interests with porn... no you don't have to or want to be there ALL the time... but from time to time its fine... you can find wonderful ideas that might strike your fancy... my wife got lots of ideas for stuff she never thought of before... we've been married 2 decades and having some variety is a good thing... and not ALL stuff I think up.

If ANY woman did what Dee talked about above... she would have her walking papers before the hour was out... any woman that lacks self esteem is the one with the issues that need addressed... blaming it on porn, the man, the alignment of the stars or what brand maxi pad she used is a cop-out. If she doesn't deal with the issues... nothing is going to get better or change. She will always find SOMETHING to blame, Porn. Football... hairy back... Soccer... the left boob sagging 1/8" more than the right one and nothing will help the problem because she avoids dealing with it.

I have ZERO tolerance to sneaks that think they have any right to either dictate what I as an adult can or can't do... or what I do or where I go on the internet.

With that said... I don't cheat... and I'm not interacting with any other women in a sexual nature online... so NO other person has any right. If My wife ever started acting in on me like Dee suggests... I would consider the marriage over.

My wife is my partner... not my Overlord. And in my house that applies vice-versa as well. In my house we respect each other for who they are... how they are.

Definitely talk to him and make sure he knows how you feel and make sure when he watches that stuff he's thinking about how you feel about him doing that

Not addressed is his stalking his ex, that should stop, he does not need to go to her face book page, be chatting with her and so on. That to me is a bigger worry than the porn.

No it does not mean he does not find you interesting or desirable, it means he likes to look at photos or movies of people having sex.

Agree, there was one web site where people paid to watch people bathe, to watch them eat, to watch them dress, to watch them model shoes,
You name the fetish there is a web site for it.

smoothy... I agree... it can be helpful to try new things and shouldn't always be from one partner.

It can be a challenging topic for many couples... hence all of the posts on here about the subject. There are lines that sometimes get crossed and they will vary from couple to couple depending on their comfort level.

I do think you might want to consider the relationship that you have with your wife. You don't hide things from her, and the two of you share those types of intimate ideas. You are both aware of what each of you may be doing online and are in agreement of where the lines are. Thus she has no reason to be concerned about it. You've also been married for 20 years and that serves as a good deal of time to get to know each other and learn where your comfort levels are in all aspects of your relationship.

It can be quite different for someone who does not have that sort of a relationship, or who thinks that they do, and happens to come across things they did not expect to find or learn about their partner. That is what often throws off someone's sense of self-esteem and/or security, if only for a time.

hisfuturewife: you need to talk to him. You will only wonder about it otherwise and that is what eats at your self-esteem. Communication, honesty, and openness is what helps keep that sense of security in any relationship.

I do agree with Dee in that you need to be comfortable with talking to him about things before you get married... especially when it is something that causes you such concern.

As Tracy suggested, maybe bring it up as if you were wondering if he would like to view some together. Or, if you are interested, set the mood yourself and put some on with him there and see where things lead. Joke around with him about what is online, be playful about it, and see how he responds. You may have no real interest in it yourself, many women don't, but letting him be aware that you aren't trying to prohibit his interest is important.

As smoothy said... being accusatory or demanding will only cause him to be defensive and does not set the stage for a happy marriage.