My fiancé and I have been together for 4 years and 4 months. The last 3 months we hardly ever see each other. He won't come to see me, I go to see him. We have a 22 year age difference. I love him more than he loves me. I know this because he always says it. And he says I'm to jealous and controlling but he's the same way. He doesn't really share anything with me. He took my virginity and said he loved me, now we are both out of work for a year now and he says that when no one is making money there is no relationship, he also lost a very close family member and is very depressed.

One night he called me and said that we have been acting more like best friends to each other lately and that we will always have that friendship and that I shouldn't call him 20 times a day like I always do. He says when I get an urge to call him, I should take on a task that will occupy me for a couple of hours. I've cried so hard for a week to him, he told me that he sees no future for us and that right now he has no feelings, he feels empty and lost. And it's not personal but he doesn't feel love for me anymore. He keeps telling me not to cry but to concentrate on my life more because if we both have no income we both have no future together or alone.

So I've decided to go to college and better my life, but I haven't been to school in so long that the material that was given to me was so hard to comprehend that last night him and I both decided that maybe I should get a job and stick to it long term, and maybe if he sees my progress he will feel more confident to find a job. And he says that maybe in a few months, this if we both have jobs, and feel the same way about each other, we will get back and he said he upgraded our " break up" to just a "break".

I went out and got a job. And called him with the good news but he said it means nothing to him, it will mean something when he sees that I can keep a long term job. And then again asked me to keep the phone calls 3-4 hours apart. And he never calls me anymore. I love him so much he says he loves me too but right now he's fed up and on empty. So what can I do to make him feel again or make him look at me as a mature adult? I would try not calling him but in my heart I feel like he wants to break up for good and by me not showing him I care he will forget about our past memories and four year relationship and all the good times we have had. And all the plans we made to be together. What should I do?

You need to leave him alone, and do for yourself, and get over this very unhealthy addiction to the guy who took your virginity.

Sorry, but the hurt is apparent, and he has already pushed you aside so its time to let go, and heal, and do for YOU, and not to please him. So sorry. :(

You better yourself for your own sake,not for anybody else's.

This relationship is over,so have nothing more to do with him;face the facts so you can heal and move on.

Awe so sorry Love, that hurts I know. But he sounds like a selfish fool. And he is playing with your feelings which is not right at all!
Now what you need to do is NOT call him... Delete his number if it helps and don't think about him.. Go run go swim go socialize. Get out of the house and be around people and you will c how good life is without him and how life really keeps going.. And the selfish man he is, he will c u have not called him in a few days, and he will call u... But don't fall for his trap... Answer if you want to, I'd recommend not, but answer and tell him your giving him his break, and hang up. He will probably try calling back again, please do not answer. If he persists change you number! He is SO UNHEALTHY do not lose yourself in his mess... I had the same relationship as u... When you let go you are sad for a while but once your back on your feet, life is better then it ever was with him! :) good luck Love and remember, you are WORTH so much more than what he has "offered" u.
Please know that this really came from my heart :)

He told me if he sees that I'm trying to better my life that maybe we will get back. Should I believe him?

No, don't believe him because once you better yourself, he will find "something" else that you need to better yourself in... That's the thing with love, you love someone with all their flaws and mistakes and you grow with them! Not the other way around he's a prick and if you were like my best friend I'd grab your phone copy his #and chew his *** out :)

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Originally Posted by Wanthislove

He told me if he sees that I'm trying to better my life that maybe we will get back. Should I believe him?

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Of course he will be back, because you have something he can take and use for himself, and his needs. You are a giver, he is a taker. That's why he left in the first place, you had nothing he wanted.

I mean what did you get for your virginity? Sure he took your love for years, but when he got all he wanted, he left. Get a job, and you will have something else to give for his attention, NOT love, but attention.

That's what you crave now, his attention. What you need is love, so love yourself until you feel better, and don't settle for the attention of a taker.

You don't mention which way the ages go... him older or younger... anyway ,calling someone 20 times a day is enough to drive anyone away. Once a day is enough. I think he feels terribly smothered with all of you constant contact and he has no room to breathe. You know he loves you because he says so? Really. Do you believe everything that anyone tells you? Step back, take a look at yourself and see if he with worth it. Good Luck and step away from the phone!!