This just kills me a little inside each day... My son is 3 and a half years old and ever since he learned to voice his own opinion (at around a year and a half), he virtually wants nothing to do with me. For example, we woke up this morning like we always do (lol), I came out to the living room where he and his dad were and said good morning and kissed him on the cheek, then hopped into the shower while his dad got him cereal. I got ready for work, and came out to say bye and he wouldn't look at me, wouldn't give me hugs and kisses like he does every morning and wouldn't even say love you, bye, or anything...

I figured it would pass by days end... (his dad is on EI and is home all day and I work full time... Our son still goes to daycare during the day as he enjoys it so much and his gramma owns it and he loves spending time with his gramma...

Anyway... so I get home from work and nobody is home yet. I go have a smoke and call his dad and ask where they are... They had stopped to get gas and at the grocery store and then would head home... So when they got home I went outside to help grab things, and my son says... Mama, come wake me up... So I think he's in a good mood... I walk over to the car door to get him out, open the door and my son does nothing but scream at the top of his lungs - "go away, close my door, no, daddy! No, daddy!" and then starts swinging to punch and hit me...

So I immediately say - "we don't hit, that's not nice...." So I ask him what I did to make him grumpy and the swinging starts again... So his dad comes to get him out of the car 'cause he won't let me... So we all go inside and put the groceries away, my son starts asking for snacks, and we are about to start supper, so his dad says, "no you can have it after supper if you eat your supper," yadda yadda...

By this point my son is crying hysterically, screaming... So I say, its OK honey, you'll be OK, supper will be soon.. and he freaks out again... He walked into the kitchen where his dad was and clings onto his leg yelling uppy uppy... And his dad wouldn't because he was being mean to me... But he wouldn't give up. I just looked at my son with a sort of "come n cuddle it away" gesture, but he just freaks out again and tries to hit me...

That brings us to now where I am typing this. This was just today... This happens at least 5 to 6 times a week for like 2 years now... I've tried everything! And it breaks my heart... He is my world but he won't let me be really... I'm not suicidal or anything and don't mean this in a death sort of way but, it seems as if I wouldn't be around, life would be better for him... I don't know like move to a different place and see him when he wants to... I won't do it but that's what it feels like... I cry everyday about it...

I'm 26 and my mum passed away before my son was born, otherwise she'd be the first person I went to, but I'm at my ropes end metaphorically and can't take this anymore... Help, please.

My sister used to do this to me when we were little. One moment she loved me and everything seemed fine and the next thing I know she's yelling at me and telling me to get away. After a while I realized that it was because I wasn't being that good of a sister to her most of the time. When I realized that I I tried to act better to the situation when she was having one of her moments against me. Maybe it is because you work full time, maybe he is more used to being around his grandmother and the people at daycare. I think the only solution here is to spend more quality time with him. Hope it helps:)

Who is in charge of your son? Is it you, or is it him? It sounds to me like your son is who's running the show at your house. Put a stop to this now while you still have a degree of control and credibility. Kids should NEVER hit their parents... ever! The child's father should be backing you up everyday, and you should be backing him up just the same. What one parent says to the boy, the other parent should be repeating right behind the first, all the time, every time, without hesitation. Child-raising is a joint effort. The boy isn't supposed to be running the house. So, don't let him. Get a handle on this situation... now! If you don't, then tomorrow he will be 16 years old and knocking your teeth out just for fun! Best of luck to you.

awesomagic: I totally understand what you are saying... I whole-hearted agree... I have always been consistent with the way I am with my son. My boyfriend / my sons dad is not. He is such a push over with our son, is not consistent at all, empty threats (taking things away when not listening, etc) I have tried talking to him until I'm blue in the face and it just seems to go in one ear and out the other. It's a lost cause I swear. I have lost all patience trying to talk to him about these things. I have sat him down when our son is at Gramma's and tried to have heart to heart talks with him telling him that when our son starts hitting me or whatever, that he needs to step in and put his foot down saying that its enough and that we don't hit, yadda yadda. He does but he doesn't do it with a back bone, he's more soft spoken and stuff and talks to him like he's a baby still and it DRIVES ME INSANE! We have even been to counselling and even the counselor told him that he's more of the woman in the household and I'm the man... I can't stand this. Even when I sit down and have a good talk with him about all this stuff, he tells me he understands, and that he'll try to do these things more often but the second the moment arises, he doesn't do it at all. When I confront him about that, he just rolls his eyes at me and says, you I'll try. Its beyond frustrating... I'm about to lose my mind.

It's time to change how you relate to and react to your son. Shock and surprise him. Do the unexpected. Keep him on his toes. Don't let him get the "expected" reaction out of you (he's playing you like a fiddle).

Okay, then, what to do. Suddenly sing a song to him, one that you make up or the Barney Song or "If You're Happy and You Know It, Clap Your Hands." Engage him with the song and encourage him to participate. Or start a story about him... "Once there was a cute young boy named....hmmmm, I wonder what his name is...." (invariably your son will pipe up with his name, or else you supply it after maybe a few "false" starts, like "Hmmmm Justin? no? hmmmm how about Michael? hmmmm, no...") Be incredibly creative as you tell your story and get him to participate as you ask open-ended questions during the story. Use lots of voice changes and sounds, lots of animation in your voice and face. (This is your chance to win an Academy Award.)

Otherwise, take him to the public library to find some books you can read to each other. Do sticker projects with him (buy action/people/animal stickers and affix them with him to a sheet of printer paper, draw a background--hills, trees, a lake, etc.--and tell a story as you stick on the stickers--save the story sheets in a 3-ring binder) or watercolor or Play-Doh or finger or hand-clapping games (lots of ideas at the library and on the Internet).

Start playing HIM like a fiddle. Ask for more ideas here or make tracks to the library for some terrific books to read together and for activities.

Wondergirl: you are awesome... what a great idea - I will start this right now... I will post on how it turns out... thank you, thank you, thank you...

Do you have any suggestions on how to deal with my son's dad... with the way he reacts, etc? Just wondering :)

Just let Dad be Dad. Incorporate him or talk about him in some of your storytelling or songs (made-up ones -- doesn't matter if they are off-key or the verses don't rhyme) or when you sit on the floor and play cars and build garages out of blocks. Buy some Wobbles (do they still exist?) or little people figures or dolls or use stuffed animals or make hand puppets out of socks (sew or use a marker to put on faces?) or even draw faces on your and his pointer fingers to create a family like yours and voice-play with them. And do this stuff spontaneously, without the "Now we're going to sing a song" or "Now I will teach you something" or "I'll tell you a story" or "Do you want to do stickers?" Just burst right into doing it--haul out the stuff (make a big production of it and talk out loud to yourself as you begin) and start doing it and let your son and his dad come around to see what you're up to.

Dad will catch on and will figure out what you are doing and will support you as you bring him into the fun.

I hope this works... and once again, thank you :) <3

Knock that kid's socks off!

Wondergirl: That was a brilliant response! I wish I had thought of that. Good job.

Read the book from "Chaos to Calm" it is awesome. I would be concerned that he is being treated that way or being abused somewhere by someone somehow. Children aren't born with the knowledge to do that type of thing. It is learned for the most part. I would also question how he acts or what goes on at daycare or if there is a TV or game he is exposed to with violence in it? And if he acts like that anywhere else? You would be surprised what some people allow or do not manage when it comes to what kids are exposed to everyday and the best interest of the child. Good luck!

I have a similar problem with my 3 1/2 year old son, although he wants me more than his dad and I'm a stay at home mom.My Baby is very smart and gets bored easily if he's not being challenged enough. I agree that being spontaneous and creative with your (alone) quality time will help. He needs to know that you will be there for him and that he can rely on you both. Good luck and know he does not hate you!

Wondergirl, what would we do without you! You are kind and helpful. Exactly why you are an EXPERT!! :)

I have somewhat the same problem. I'm a live in nanny for a family and I've been with them for the past 4 and a half years taking care of their daughter since she was 3 weeks old. She spends way more time with me than with her mother or father and she even calls me mom (even though she corrects herself immediately and I never respond to it).
For the past year or so she decided to hate me. First, she'd just hate me whenever her mom was home but working or when she first came home from work. Now she hates me all the time. The worst is that she says very hurtful things and I can't even get near her or get a word in when she's having a moment. For example today she was watching a movie on the couch and I sat next to her and she said "I don't want you close to me." Then she got up and I asked her where she was going and she said "If you come bother me in my room I'll smack you in the head." This has been going on for a long time and yes we do discipline her and have consequences when she says things like that. I do nothing but treat her with love. I play with her, I always try to come up with fun things for her to do but she never wants to do them. She just wants mom and to be away from me. I give her hugs and kisses but she always rejects them and she never, NEVER wants to cuddle with me. The worst is that she'll pick a fight out of nowhere. Like for example the other day coming home from school she had this hat she had to decorate for school and I was saying "That's fun, you can color, or put stickers, or write your name." And she got super mad at me because I said that and became aggressive and even decided to stay in the car when we got home.
I just don't know what I'm doing wrong and how I can approach her when she's like that. It hurts me so bad, because this is my job. This is what I love to do and I love her like she is mine but it seems like I'm not doing it right.
Any thoughts?

I also have the same problem with my three and a half year old son. Now I'm thinking this can't be a coincidence. Maybe it's a phase between a three year old boy and his mother. I cry myself to sleep every night. My son won't talk to me sit with me or wants no physical contact with me. This means I can't give or get kisses or hugs. I can't get him out of his car seat. He won't even eat the food I make for him. He tells me he doesn't love me and every variation of I don't like you. He has an absolute meltdown every time I try and do something nice for him. There's a lot more but its clearly impossible to explain the extent of my problem with him. I heard when I had my daughter this would change and he would be more inclined to have a relationship with me and it has, but only to the point that now the only reason he talks to me is to ask about his baby sister. (as if she is our ONLY common bond). Wheres dad you say. Hes around and tries his best with the whole don't talk like that she loves you don't be rude but my husband thinks it's a joke and that my son is just kidding. Id maybe understand that point of view if the charade ever let up just for an instant so I can see that he may really be kidding. But nope there's no break of character. I was prompted to right this after this incident. I was sitting with his sister who is 3 weeks old singing to her. My son walked right up to me and says stop singing I don't like it I don't want to hear your voice. I had to run and put my daughter down to lock myself in the bathroom to cry. He hated everything about be down to my voice. I need help how can I get a three year old how to tell me why he's so angry with me.