I found this amazing site Dr. Margaret Paul, innerbonding. I thought I would share...

We are being selfish when:
· We expect others to give themselves up for us.
· We make others responsible for our feelings of pain and joy.
· We get angry at others for doing what they want to do rather than doing what we want them to do.
· We consistently make own feelings, wants, needs and desires important without also considering others feelings, wants, needs and desires.
· We believe we are entitled to special treatment, such as not having to wait in line.

We are being self-responsible when:
· We take care of our own feeling, wants, desires and needs rather than expecting others to take care of us.
· We support others in doing what brings them joy, even when they are not doing what we want them to do.
· We show caring toward others for the joy it give us rather than out of fear, obligation, or guilt.
· We have the courage to take loving action in our own behalf, even if someone gets angry with us. For example, we go to bed early because we are tired, even if our partner gets angry at us for not watching a movie with him or her.
· We have the courage to speak our truth about what we will or will not do, and what we do or do not feel, rather than give ourselves up to avoid criticism, anger or rejection.

Interesting that, especially in a world where we are being taught daily not to take responsibility for our own actions.

tamed,

"Interesting that, especially in a world where we are being taught daily not to take responsibility for our own actions."

I respectfully disagree. Over many, many years I have read various 'self-help' books and they all encourage taking full responsibility for our own words and actions and our own life.

Teaching,

Interesting, think I'll go check that out.

I do believe that we should all take full responsibility for our own words and actions.

I believe that taking care of ourselves is not selfishness, it's self-awareness. We really can't presume to take care of anyone else until we can take care of ourselves.

For those in serious relationships, a balance needs to be found where you can take care of each other without leaning on each other too much.

For those caring for children it's more in the area of good time management, you do what needs to be done to keep your children healthy and happy and you schedule 'Me Time', make an appointment with yourself for alone time with yourself or a night out with friends, balance and good time management will keep you and your children happy.

People who give everything just end up bitter and complaining. It is being returned but they are too busy complaining to notice.

Bluerose,

I'm not certain but I think tamed may be referring to the practice of Americans suing everybody in sight for their own poor decision making ("McDonald's made me fat!"). If that's the case then I wholeheartely agree with that posters point. I hope they return to comment.

Thank you, Teaching, for posting this. I have not heard of Dr. Margaret Paul but now that I have, I need to go and find more.

To clear things up, I meant exactly what NeedKarma and shygrneyzs said and I didn't realize that that point wasn't so clear its just that there were so many examples that I didn't know where to start.

It is the single most important element of my personal happiness. I did not learn it at home but stumbled upon it in my early years in therapy and grew to embrace it with self-help books. Avoiding life by saying "I've got responsiblities" is an entirely different animal. Responsibility of this kind is the doorway to amazing freedom, as paradoxical as that sounds.