Hi I am 20 going on 21 and I have been sexualy active for 3 years. I have never been able to reach an orgasm with a man and it is getting really really frusterating. I can get there by myself and sex feels really good but it never progresses into an orgasm. I stay calm and try to relax but nothing helps... Different positions, toys or talk nothing seems to help. I know that it gets really frusterating for the guy and I think that makes me feel worse about it. I need help!!

There are two issues going on here: First, you're not getting off during sex. Second, the frustration of your partner is frustrating you.

The second one is easy to deal with, so I'll cover it first. As a guy, I can tell you that we do take our ability to get a girl off as an ego thing... it's just part of who a lot of us are. So this is about the only case where I'll advocate a little white lie: fake it. That'll decrease the frustration for both of you, which will make everything easier going forward.

On to the first one. A lot of women have trouble with this. One option you should definitely consider is lending yourself a hand... in addition to what he's doing, do what you do when you're alone. Then, once you can have them that way during sex, teach him: Guide his hand to the correct spots and show him how to do it. You may never have a pure vaginal orgasm, but if you build up to it this way, it will become easier. The first one is the hardest, because until then, you don't know if you even can.

I'm going to have to disagree with Nos.

Don't fake it. Just... don't. Once you fake it the first time, it's way too easy to get caught up in faking it every time after that just to ease the frustration level.

I really suggest that you talk about it with your partner, and let him know what your frustrations are. It's great that he's frustrated about not being able to please you--it means that he cares that you enjoy yourself too! But sex isn't a contest, and his ego shouldn't be wrapped up in whether you get off. It's great that he cares, but whether he can get you off shouldn't affect his manhood.

I'm going to disagree with Nos, too. I agree with what Synnen says. Confront him about your issues and see what the both of you can do to improve them. Try having at least 20 min. of foreplay before the actual intercourse. (oral, fingering, etc.) You may not be getting the pleasure you wish to receive because his penis is not hitting your g-spot. After some foreplay, get on top of him and have sex. When you feel something different, keep going, and don't change your position.

read this from 429729:

if you want to feel an orgasm this is exactly what you should do during sex:

1. have your man sit on a chair
2. sit on top of him and work it
3. eventually you will feel something different ****DON"T STOP OR CHANGE WHAT YOU ARE DOING*****
4. Continue.....and Orgasm

remember to relax....don't think about it....and most importantly BREATHE in and out deeply---it gets your blood flowing to your nether-regions

Have you tried clitoral stimulation during sex? Or maybe have him perform oral sex on you first to get you going then continue with sex when your drive is already heightened. Sometimes having sex in a position when you are facing away from him allows him to clitorally pleasure you while you are having sex, it is a great way to have an orgasm during sex but isn't solely relying on him being "good enough". And I agree, don't fake, the only person that's hurting is you. If he thinks that he has reached the point where he is getting you off, he'll settle and not keep trying for it. Good luck!

Two things here... #1 you have to really be in the mood and in the moment to get off (its 90% mental with women), and #2 he has to have some clue about what's going on and what makes you tick. Not a lot of guys do. PARTICULARLY in the early 20's. Try the woman on top position that will let you do what it takes to make you happy. All he needs is to be there to be happy.

I must agree with smoothy, specially if as I imaging you are having sex with young (under 25) man, as you see by the advice given by "nosnosna" some man think of this as "an ego thing". Since woman orgasm emanates from a higher and I must say, a more emotional center, the approach from her partner must be a more sensitive nature. Some man can get off by rubbing against the trunk of a tree, some others understand that sex is and must be a lot more that just a moment...

About how much foreplay do you get beforehand ? Most women need at least 20 minutes of foreplay to get sexually aroused and be able to reach orgasm. Have him pleasure you for a while before having sex.

Another question, are you having sex with a bunch of different guys ? Or is it with the same guy ?

You need to be emotionally connected with him as well, be emotionally into it. Don't just worry about the fact you can't orgasm, that will ultimately just keep you from orgasming.