I've been with my girlfriend for almost a year (8 months now) and our sex life has been incredible for the first 6 or 7 months. Now, for the last month or two, I've noticed we started not to have sex everyday like we used to (multiple times a day). When we do have sex, she's not even really horny or too wet like she used to be. I asked her what was going on and she said she just doesn't feel horny as much or if she's wet she's still not horny mentally.

I've read about others problems with stuff like this and I've continually added spark to the relationship and continuing to take her out on dates and different places that she's been wanting to go or do. We still watch movies together at home or whatever and we still communicate really well as in we talk to each other all the time and I always say hello and compliment her physically and mentally and in everything she does.

I just don't understand what the problem is? Maybe it's because we had sex everyday and she's just gotten tired of it? We did get routined in positions but I've fixed that and we do tons of different positions now but still not really working. It has helped a little but yea... We live in on campus and we both live in the same dorm house just in different rooms obviously. But I literally sleep in her room everyday, I think out of the whole school semester (4 months), I slept in my room once and even then she slept in there with me since my room mate was gone. Maybe it's because we've started seeing each other all the time or something?

Any opinions or help at all please? I really love her and she loves me and I don't want this relationship to go on with no more sex. I loved the sex we used to have like when she got horny off me so easily and quickly. I try so hard and she still doesn't get horny, I just get frustrated. Any help would be appreciated ESPECIALLY from any girls?

Is it possible she's depressed? I think maybe she just wants a break maybe she did feel like you were doing it too much and wanted to focuse on your relationship other than the sexual part? You seem like a good boyfriend and I think you should continue what you've been doing. Taking her out, trying to please her and everything will be fine it sounds like you both care for each other a lot. Besides the sex, is everythig else in the relationship going good? Maybe she has something going on that's bothering her outside of the relationship

Why does it sound like you are wanting her to be your sole source of entertainment?

It is time to examine your expectations and how realistic they are.

It is extremely rare to have sex every day (especially multiple times.) It is very unrealistic to expect that type of pace to continue.

You mention things you do together and for her, but it all seems to point to the expectation that you are going to get sex out it. Do you do anything with her that doesn't end up with a sexual act (or an attempt at one?) Can you hold her while she falls asleep without having had sex before or expecting sex after she wakes up?

You mention the dorm so I assume that you both have classes and studying. Do either of you work or have other commitments? Do you have friends you hang out with without each other? Is there anything you do without each other?

Does she have stress from any other sources such as family or friends, worry about finances, health scares, pregnancy scares, etc. Stress is a huge libido limiter.

Do you communicate with her? Do you listen when she tries to tell you what she needs?

Stop trying to do everything to get what you want. Stop trying so hard that you push her away because it it has become all about your needs even as you try to rationalize the pressure by saying it is for her. Start backing off a bit and talking with her about issues and how to solve them. Find compromises as a couple. Let her come to you.

Last thought: Do you know why perpetual motion machines don't exist? No matter how finely tuned a machine is, it still needs energy added from an outside source. If none is added the machine runs down. Relationships are like that too. If a couple spends all of their time together and doesn't get time apart, the relationship stagnates. Spend some time with other people.

This sounds like less of a relationship and more of a job to me. Relationships take time and energy and planning but this one sounds like the OP is running a company, not talking about his girlfriend.

What does "I compliment her mentally" mean?

I note that this is all about OP - and that is probably the problem.

There is no right or wrong answer here. People can have their own opinions. Relationships are not an exact science. Without knowing more about the people involved, all we can do is guess. The OP said all opinions are welcome. In a case like this we can all offer our perspectives and the OP can apply them to his particular situation.

That being said it does appear to me like the OP is being somewhat ME oriented. Maybe he needs to back off and not be with the girl so often. We have no idea on how old these two are (though it appears they are college age). We have no idea what their experience with relationships is.

It could be that they are both freshman, away from home for the first time, with little experience. So they are thrown together an engage in a great deal of passion, but passion doesn't sustain a relationship. And that seems to be the OP's primary concern.

Also, isn't it exam time? Maybe she is having trouble with grades?

Well here a few things to answer the respondents to my questions:

First of all, we're both seniors in college.

Second of all, Stress is probably the biggest thing with her. She's ALWAYS stressed for the most part during school for the reasons stated such as her finances, classes, workload, work in general, etc. We both know that does affect our relationship but I didn't think it did so much, but now that I think about it... I think this may be it. Over the summer we had got together as she lives far from me and stayed at a hotel for a few days together... no stress, no nothing and we had an AMAZING time.. sexually and just hanging out wise.

Thirdly, we do hang out a lot and stuff but I'm still a guy and I still tell her that I need space. So therefore I always go and hang out with my friends and I know she does occasionally as well. Either way we both do get our space.

I don't know what some of you guys are reading but this isn't a job for me lol. We both do enjoy each other a lot.

Basically from the answers given this is what I think that sounds like it's true for me.. :
1. She is too stressed with school and stuff, and as the person said it's a big libido turnoff
2. I do tend to do many things for her and then want to have sex at the end. I need to stop this and just do something great with her and not expect anything back from her more often then I do which is not often.
3. We do spend A LOT more time together then we did, we should get a little more space then I set for myself in that I should either take her out or push her to go out more with her friends sometimes.


Thanks all for your help.

Demon Flame (born in?) 90,

Firstly, welcome to this great site! You talked to her, and she did not say anything specific. There might be other options, but for me, sex holiday, i.e. break from sex for a little time (say a month, lolz!) may enhance her sex drive. Try new sex techniques, or methods. She might have the periods, pressure of grades (as it is examination time), some personal/family problem, some other sort of stress or strain or she might be simply trying to assess your tolerance. There can be plenty of reasons, but it is nice that you are in HER company, and both are in good books of each other, so you can simply WAIT and watch, and the answer can be not farther than what you suppose.

Good Luck!

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Originally Posted by Demonflame90

Over the summer we had got together as she lives far from me and stayed at a hotel for a few days together... no stress, no nothing and we had an AMAZING time.. sexually and just hanging out wise. ... Thirdly, we do hang out a lot and stuff but I'm still a guy and I still tell her that I need space. So therefore I always go and hang out with my friends and I know she does occasionally as well. Either way we both do get our space.

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I don't know how anyone else would feel but these words (culled from your post) pretty much say it all where I'm concerned.

"... stayed at a hotel for a few days together ... amazing time" - this is called vacation sex, not real world sex OR a real world relationship.

You're "... still a guy and I still TELL her that I need space ... ALWAYS go and hang out with my friends ... she does OCCASIONALLY as well."

Sounds like you either have or want control of the relationship. You excuse what could be behavior making her unhappy as "still a guy" and use the words "TELL" and "ALWAYS" where she is concerned. She, on the other hand, is "OCCASIONALLY" with her friends because, presumably, she is not a guy with guy needs.

While I do think we have helped and that you do have a better understanding, I agree with Judy. What you have written does appear to be very me-oriented. But hopefully you have learned that and will try to change.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Demonflame90

I don't know what some of you guys are reading but this isn't a job for me lol. We both do enjoy each other a lot.

3. We do spend A LOT more time together then we did, we should get a little more space then I set for myself in that I should either take her out or push her to go out more with her friends sometimes.

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I have to agree with Judy and Scott. Your latest post does seem to still be all about you controlling what happens in the relationship. I hope that isn't how you really see things. But on the chance that it is:

It sounds like a job for her. Trying to make another person happy by being happy because they want you to be is extremely exhausting and stressful in its own way. The person isn't allowed to work through their own emotions and work out ways to de-stress on their own in their own time frame.

It is all too easy to give in to allowing another person to take control to keep peace in the relationship. Sadly, it usually ends up with the person taking control of what they feel like they can in self-detrimental ways such as distancing themselves from family and friends, letting their life revolve around only the things causing them stress, developing unhealthy eating, exercise and sleep patterns, etc.

You should not 'push' her to do anything. That is part of the 'me' mindset which seems to permeate your posts. 'We' or 'she' would be encouraging her to develop any hobbies she has let go, to become involved in activities that you are not a part of which she finds relaxing or stimulating in a different way, spending time with her friends doing whatever they like to do (make certain you aren't asking for a full disclosure of what they do. If she wants to tell you fine, but no badgering for details), etc.

'We' is about communication and compromise. Communication is about sharing your needs and plans and working out any scheduling issues as a couple. 'Telling' someone about your needs is okay as long as you are listening to theirs. Remember that most women do not want someone to solve their problems for them. They want someone who will hold them and listen while they rant. Don't try to do everything or make decisions for her.

Lol the thing is, I tell her to go out with her friends and stuff. I can't do anything if she doesn't. She's just too busy with work/stressed with school to have time to do other things. I'm usually HER relaxing tool as she told me lol, not to be used as if I was being used of course.

You guys do realize, everything I'm saying is typed... not said verbally. So the things I may say aren't exactly what I mean in the way you think I'm saying them. The relationship isn't a "me" thing it's an "us" thing. I promise you that.

I'm pretty sure it's just the stress level and the sex everyday thing. We're on winter break right now and our break is a month long so I haven't seen her in person for a month and so no sex, just skype and phone lol. Soo I have a feeling this is going to work.