Finally after a life spent doing what seemed best for my kids I'm free, but them?
About 26 years ago I got married to a nice guy because my 3 sons told me they wanted a dad - him specifically. Although I had faithfully taken them to visit their grandparents any time they asked (bearing the expense my single mom self) their father never bothered to see them although he lived nearby. So when they were 11,7 and 3 they asked me to marry the man I had been dating who was truly a good dad.
Unfortunately, he hates women which is disguised under all the nice guy stuff. Apparently his mom cheated on his dying father and his wife cheated on him for about 15 years, but of course I didn't find any of this out until later.
Basically I made a practical decision in marrying him. I improved the lives of my children financially and socially, the man was loving and good to them growing up. They remain in contact and on good terms although he rarely sees them in person. He and I were good friends but he was always distant, unreachable emotionally.
My sons have always known that I was miserable in the marriage and that I went through hell with his teenaged children. I spent a lot of time with them and they are in very good shape today both mentally and monetarily. The eldest was 19, drunk and drugged out all the time. The second son was 18 and in the 8th grade. The daughter was 12, very pretty, and had just been told she was adopted.
I hurt for the kids and couldn't stand seeing them struggling so hard and alone, so I did everything I could to improve their lives, find out what they wanted and needed and then helped them make it happen. It was hell on wheels, but I got the eldest help (didn't work), put the second in technical school and made him sign up for business courses as well, then did my best with the pretty cheerleader daughter. She was very enamored of her dad so I was unpopular, but I stood by her through horrific times. She wound up having a baby in a bathroom when she was 19 and let her die. Literally. She was in the hospital for 10 days (detectives thought she'd run) and they were going to charge her with negligent homicide, but I fought like a tiger to get the captain of homicide to understand her troubled past and not to destroy her.
I put her in college in another state where nobody would know (at her request) and today she is married with 4 gorgeous kids, is a very good wife and mom. She doesn't speak to me, though, probably because I'm the only one who interacted with her psychiatrist, who suspected what she had done and this way she can pretend it didn't happen. We were close for a while afterward when she needed me.
Her brother finished college (I paid the parental part for her and him) and now owns his own successful business, has a wife and 3 sweet kids.
I got lupus from all the stress and was terribly ill for most of the past 17 years. Somewhere in the middle of that the eldest son came to me and asked me to help him get straight, so he lived with me for a couple of years and I found every outlet for help that I could. He's been clean and sober for nearly a decade, is married and has raised his wife's two children. He's had the same job for about 6 years and is now in his 3rd year of pre-med at age 48.
So I finally became healthy enough to leave the man, moved to a state to be closer to my sons and the strangest thing happened. I fell in love for the first time in my life with a guy who thinks I hung the moon. My sons no longer speak to me and it's killing me because we'd always been so close. Did I neglect them for the others? They've never accused me of it, but my youngest did have a rough time living with me after I was ill for 3 years until he graduated. I had to move from Phoenix because the sun and heat aggravated lupus, so I hadn't really lived with the guy since about 1994.
So it's Christmas and the kids I've always felt so close to, in fact have often spent months visiting, don't talk to me. I tried a couple of chatty texts but was rebuffed. I'm now so depressed I'm about to drive away from everything and everyone including this great guy. I feel more alone than ever in my life, and I was so happy! I mean so ecstatic to be able to be near them, to meet him, but it's like it's all gone now.