Hi
I'm going to try and cut a long story short. But my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me by text message 3 months ago. Told me he doesn't know what he wants in life anymore, wants to be on his own to do his own thing. During the year we bought a car together to save and then move in next year, we talked about children engagement how we couldn't wait. He always told me I am the best thing ever to happen to him. But he broke up anyway, no matter how much I begged him back it was a no. When breaking up, he said he won't know if he has made a mistake until he tries this, that no other girl will compare to me, that if he ever wants another girlfriend he wants me but can't make me wait on him. Told me if he doesn't end up with me who ever does will be a very lucky man. ( that confused me I am unsure what he means there)

In a way I am still waiting on him to come back I love him to bits. He is a 25 year old and now all he does is goes out at the weekend and drinks probably goes with girls. But why would a man want to give up what he had, to go back to drinking with his single mates and wasting that much money. He give me the car which cost £10 grand and doesn't want it. He has wasted too much and threw away something I hope he regrets but it doesn't look like he does. As he is having loads of fun by what I read on FB.

Is anyone able to help me on this, what do you think? Or has anyone's ex every came back, because I think its been too long and he doesn't think about me now

You need to understand that sometimes men just need to go and get that stage of their life over with before finally settling down. If he didn't leave you now, he would have done it eventually later in life... which could potentially be more painfully for both of you in the long run.

Breaking up sucks... and depending on how much fun he's having, he'll never understand what he's missing if every time he sees you you're wallowing over not being with him.

This might help:

http://torontodatingcoach.com/getting-your-ex-back/

The bottom line is to ask yourself if the relationship is really worth salvaging. It might not be.

Aaahh.. similar situation here. I don't know how long did it pass from your break up (you said long), but I'm entering ninth month since mine.
What Lulu said is true. For some reason, a lot of men need to 'do their things' before tying down to somebody. Then when it's too late, and when they lose their significant others (you in this case), they regret for the rest of their lives, but rarely take the guilt for it. Instead, they usually take some stupid 'alibi' like - it wasn't meant to be or something.
While still together, I was speaking with my boyfriend a lot about this and why would he think this way, but he never knew. He was making the same presumptions for me (as if I was crazy not to know for myself) - how I will also need somebody else, how it's not natural to spend the whole life with one person... This thinking as if committing means a death sentence, like that if you do commit to someone, you signed a contract that can't be broken... It's very stupid and immature if you ask me, but I've seen a lot of men behaving that way, my ex and also a lot of my friends. And losing important persons in their lives because of it.

For some time, I would suggest you to leave him alone to do whatever he thinks he needs to do. And you try to focus on yourself. I hate that everybody always suggests us to move on. If everybody just moved on, there would be very little strong relationships in the world. Your relationship seems to me as a quality one, but he is acting very immature now. If this behavior lasts longer, you'll know that that's the way he is, but maybe, and just MAYBE, this is a faze in his life that he needs to go through before finally committing to you, and maybe it turns out to be worth waiting for.
On the other hand, if WAITING turns out to be too difficult for you, and if it starts ruining your life, and if you can't find the balance between moving on for yourself, but leaving some space if he comes to mind - than I suggest you to really move on and forget him.

It takes a lot of time, and a lot of patience, and a lot of self training, but it comes easier in time, trust me. Try to forget him, but leave some space. Not burn the bridges yet, but focusing on yourself and the people that you weren't spending so much time with while being in a relationship.

After some time, you will also now more about your own feelings and yourself.

Good luck, I hope I helped

Hi lavv and lulu12 thank you for you reply's..

Lavv you say you are in your 9th month? Has he not came back or anything?? You know I'm getting to the point now I'm bored of the whole thing and even bored of thinking about him which I hope is a good sign.. I deserve so much more than this, I should be out enjoying myself, not worrying over a fella!

My situation is different in a lot of ways, don't mind that. (I posted my own problem here https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/should-there-support-him-even-if-he-kind-broke-up-help-616472.html)

I was going through circles and circles of what you're going through now. If he's just a 'fella', than yes - proceed to forget him completely. You seem to be talking out of your ego right now, which is normal, but that is exactly why you need some time on your own with no contact from him, to realize is it your hurt ego right now talking, or you really love him and want him back. After you realize that for sure, you can start 'waiting' or 'fighting' or whatever to get him back.

Actually you are already tired of waiting for him to come back, and as soon as you stop checking his FB, then you will be free of this waiting crap very soon, and the healing can begin.

Quote:

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Told me if he doesn't end up with me who ever does will be a very lucky man. ( that confused me I am unsure what he means there)

---

He left you with a sense of false hope that he MIGHT come back, and that's what you have been holding on to, and your confusion comes from asking yourself WHEN will he come back. We all go through this confusion at the beginning, until we LET GO of that false hope, and the confusion that comes with it.

The minute you stop waiting and build a life that makes you happy without him, the healing starts.

Hardiest part is to let go
Something that can be so sweet nice gives attention and cares you are there
Day or night
Rain or storm
Dreams or awake

I realize today that no matter if the world is telling you do or don't.
I tell you listen to you heart ,
I'm very positive that ,
Is going to tell you to
Go and chase what you have work so hard to get
Beside who cares
(people )
No one cares when the man you love and worships is at risk
Make him want you
Make him look for you
Make him miss you
Make him jealous
Make him feel that you the one is going to make him happy
After all that is waft you Wannt right


We all need love it doesn't matter from who
As long as us pure and sincerely

I may not be the best person to give you advice,
But sure know that loving someone
And see the person . At point of no return
I will fight with claws and teeth not to let go
After all what you got to lose
And if don't work out
My god you give it you best
Good luck and
Hoping you the
Too