My husband is 55 and I am 28, we rarely have sex. He needs to take ED pills so we can have sex. Few months ago I found out on his computer that he watches porn videos (women masturbating and the like) and I was so upset and asked him why. In fact he downloaded some of those videos. Doesn't he find me attractive? He does and he loves me that's what he said but he didn't answer me why he had to watch it. Few days ago, he forgot to log off his computer and I saw a live show sort of porn. I was so pissed off because I would let him touch my boobs and body, or want to have sex with me, he does not want to. I told him that maybe those porn videos are the reason why he is not interested with me anymore. I asked him why, I wanted to have a talk with him but he doesn't want to talk about it. I told him how it hurt me, it is an issue for me and he knew it but he is still watching them? It is really affecting me. What should I do if if he doesn't even want to talk about it so we will have the problem fixed.

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Originally Posted by lonelywifeofu

My husband is 55 and I am 28, we rarely have sex. He needs to take ED pills so we can have sex. Few months ago I found out on his computer that he watches porn videos (women masturbating and the like) and I was so upset and asked him why. In fact he downloaded some of those videos. Doesn't he find me attractive? He does and he loves me that's what he said but he didn't answer me why he had to watch it. Few days ago, he forgot to log off his computer and I saw a live show sort of porn. I was so pissed off because I would let him touch my boobs and body, or want to have sex with me, he does not want to. I told him that maybe those porn videos are the reason why he is not interested with me anymore. I asked him why, I wanted to have a talk with him but he doesn't want to talk about it. I told him how it hurt me, it is an issue for me and he knew it but he is still watching them? It is really affecting me. What should I do if if he doesn't even want to talk about it so we will have the problem fixed.

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Seriously... please sit back and read what you just wrote again.

From a guys perspective... I see many things that would put me off and I don't have ED. And just as many that would tick me off as an adult, being told what I can and can't do...

You have self esteem issues... please get counseling to deal with them... stop trying to project your problems onto him... its only going to drive him away, and its not going to address the root problem here.

I'm not surprised he no longer wants to "talk" about them.. because its really not talk... you are dictating to him what he can and can't do, not having a discussion because YOU would only be happy with one outcome... he completely gives up all his free will to do only what you want at the moment because you have issues of self worth. What next... giving up football or basketball because he doesn't spend every waking hour focusing his attention on you? You both aren't 14 any more... and that sort of thing is never really right anyway, at any age. You are both adults... with the right to do as you wish... and not impose your will on others. If he was the one that was trying to micromanage every aspect of your life that he doesn't want... how would you feel about it... Look at the concept here... not at exactly WHAT...

Because #1... he's NOT cheating on you. #2. He's not gambling #3. He's not getting drunk at the bars, #4 He's not spending all his time on video games. #5. He's not spending every waking hour on porn, #6. He's not getting stoned or high all the time on drugs, #7. He's not physically abusing you.

Now if you wanted a real good reason to complain about something... he COULD be doing any one or combination of the 7 examples I just gave.

We call that being passive aggressive... it's destructive to a relationship no matter if it's the man or the woman that's guilty of doing it.

He's still there so it's not too late yet... and it's not going to correct itself on its own. That's why I suggest counseling.

Now this isn't a personal attack... not at all. If you deal with the real issues here, and learn to feel good about yourself... then nothing anyone else does is going to matter.

And true happiness can only come when you feel good about yourself.

Don't listen to this schmuck!! Typical male response-blame the woman! Porn can and will destroy a marriage. I recently read an article by Dr. David Currie National Director of Family Life in Canada. He says that "healthy sexual intimacy in marriage can be totally derailed by a person's involvement with pornography or other inappropriate sexual activities. So many in our society view pornography as harmless, and some even think that it's a great way to spice up your sex life with your partner. A man can easily be drawn into porn, where he never fails in the fantasy and where he can be sexually stimulated without facing the issues with his wife. But the truth is, pornography neuters a man. He becomes so wrapped up in this fantasy world that he is no longer capable of being excited by his own wife. She cannot possibly compete with the airbrushed models in the magazines and on the computer screen, so the husband simply loses interest in her." I would go to counseling, even if he doesn't want to you go. I'm going through something similar with my husband but we're newlyweds. I'm hoping we can work things out. Don't listen to the other reply I've had the same feelings you have. I don't feel sexy either. Hopefully this helps you to not feel alone.

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Originally Posted by Mrs_Old

Don't listen to this schmuck!!! typical male response-blame the woman!! Porn can and will destroy a marriage. I recently read an article by Dr. David Currie National Director of Family Life in Canada. He says that "healthy sexual intimacy in marriage can be totally derailed by a person’s involvement with pornography or other inappropriate sexual activities. So many in our society view pornography as harmless, and some even think that it’s a great way to spice up your sex life with your partner. A man can easily be drawn into porn, where he never fails in the fantasy and where he can be sexually stimulated without facing the issues with his wife. But the truth is, pornography neuters a man. He becomes so wrapped up in this fantasy world that he is no longer capable of being excited by his own wife. She cannot possibly compete with the airbrushed models in the magazines and on the computer screen, so the husband simply loses interest in her." I would go to counseling, even if he doesn't want to you go. I'm going thru something similar with my husband but we're newlyweds. I'm hoping we can work things out. Don't listen to the other reply I've had the same feelings you have. I don't feel sexy either. Hopefully this helps you to not feel alone.

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It's never a good idea to come on to a site and call a well respected member a "shumck." Says a lot more about you than it does about him.

He's also been happily married for years - maybe he really does know what he's talking about.

You're challenged by pictures/photos/tape of other women?

When you quote someone, please put the quote IN QUOTES and give your source. I can't tell if this is YOUR opinion of what someone else said OR a direct quote. If it is a direct quote the way you've posted is plagiarism.

Quoting Dr Currie, by the way, is like getting legal advice from Judge Judy - it sells and it's good TV.

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Originally Posted by Mrs_Old

Don't listen to this schmuck!!! typical male response-blame the woman!! Porn can and will destroy a marriage. I recently read an article by Dr. David Currie National Director of Family Life in Canada. He says that "healthy sexual intimacy in marriage can be totally derailed by a person’s involvement with pornography or other inappropriate sexual activities. So many in our society view pornography as harmless, and some even think that it’s a great way to spice up your sex life with your partner. A man can easily be drawn into porn, where he never fails in the fantasy and where he can be sexually stimulated without facing the issues with his wife. But the truth is, pornography neuters a man. He becomes so wrapped up in this fantasy world that he is no longer capable of being excited by his own wife. She cannot possibly compete with the airbrushed models in the magazines and on the computer screen, so the husband simply loses interest in her." I would go to counseling, even if he doesn't want to you go. I'm going thru something similar with my husband but we're newlyweds. I'm hoping we can work things out. Don't listen to the other reply I've had the same feelings you have. I don't feel sexy either. Hopefully this helps you to not feel alone.

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Talk about who is the real SCHMUCK is here... its YOU, if you plan in dishing it out with name calling... get ready to get some right back, because here it comes because you were exceptionally rude with your comment.

N00b one post wonder and they start with rude comments.



You really need to get help... you have real issues. SERIOUS issues. I pity any man that finds you... but I bet every one of them already left you and you can't grasp WHY... because you are so caught up in your twisted world view.

I've been happily married for 20 years... I married a woman what is well adjusted and without the issues you have. And my wife would back me up with every word that I said.. and be shaking her head at you.

Seriously... get some help... you need it. Its never too late.

And show some respect... if you understand what that is... most women don't think the way you do... thank goodness. Mankind would be doomed if they did, I'd rather be celibate that deal with that crap from anyone every day.

You have a poor understanding of men... and yet you insist on spewing those very innacurate generalizations about them. And Dr Currie is a quack...

Hell if I was married to you I'd rather masturbate than touch you with an attitude like that.


There is a saying...

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
Abraham Lincoln
16th president of US (1809 - 1865)


Unlike you, at least the OP is smart enough to be willing to accept they have a problem, and they sought help for it.

I see we have two drain damaged fools that think the world revolves around them... and have to give not helpful for spot on accurate advice, because they aren't mature enough to hear the facts.

I wish you both more misery in your lives because you deserve it.

After all you asked for it.

Of course intelligence, respect and courtesy are all subjects beyond their ability to comprehend.