Ask Me Help Desk - Girlfriend Help

Hello, I am a sophomore in college and I have been dating this girl for a little over a year now. When we just started going out she had just ended a four year relationship which she now regretted ever having. Unfortunately, we have the same major (biology) so this semester we have had four out of five classes together and we would study together for hours almost everyday. Because we have spent all of this time together, we obviously have also been fighting a lot over small, pointless, things. The other day, right before Christmas break, she started crying and said that she needed a break and just needed space and time alone. She swore to me that it wasn't another guy and that she just needed some time alone without me or any friends. She said that because she has had a boyfriend since she was 14 she doesn't think that she doesn't even know who she is anymore. However, she told me that she still loves me and that she knows that I still love her. When we left for break that night she told me that she understands that I'm hurting over this and that she is sorry. Next semester we will only have two classes together and I said that I would do anything to make her happy even if it means to spend less time with her. She said that she will take everything under consideration. Help me please somebody.

I think you leave her alone and respect she needs time and space.

Maybe you are to hurt and disappointed right now to take the gentle hints she has given you, but moving on and dealing with your feelings in a positive mature way will help you accept that its not going to happen with her.

Do you think that I still have a chance with her?

As a girl, I can really relate to your girlfriend. Especially in college and with boyfriends, it's easy to feel that you are losing yourself and want to pull away as quick as possible. If you do get back together after break, maybe communicate more about the space you need. It's easy to want to be with the person 24/7, but you may need to... resist. Can you maybe study with different people? Hang out with other people in your classes? That can actually make a relationship more exciting, to be close but not with each other every second.

If she has been spending all her time with you and your friends, it is no surprise she feels that she is losing herself. She may feel that instead of being who she is, she is "your girlfriend." And if she hasn't been single for that long, you may need to bite the bullet and let her work on herself for awhile.

I can't tell you whether you still have a chance with her, I've seen it go both ways. I can tell you that you are doing the right thing. Respecting her and wanting her happiness only counts in your favor. Whether it works out, these are qualities that will continue to make you a desirable boyfriend and friend.

Quote:

Originally Posted by cj16ply

Do you think that I still have a chance with her?

Doesn't matter, as if anyone knows what happens in the future. What does matter is you do what you have to do for yourself, and adjust to the reality of your situation. For sure you have no control over her feelings, or actions, but YOU do have control over what YOU have to do.

Keep your dignity, and self respect, by doing what's right for YOU. Make a good decision for yourself, based on FACTS, and not just FEELINGS.