While my ex and I were together, my job caused me to hire an attorney. She loaned me some money for an attorney. If she had not loaned me the money I would not have the job I still have and I probably would have had to change professions (it sucks when unwarranted accusations can ruin your career and are force to defend yourself). I spent $36,000.00 in attorney fees and she loaned my $13,000. I mediated a settlement where I received my attorney fees and a significant amount. Should I pay her back, she told me she was not concerned about the money. My attorney said I didn't have to, nothing in writing. If I paid her back should I just drop her a check in the mail or should I have a face to face. I contacted her to arrange a time and place to meet. I contacted her last night via e-mail, I saw her at the gym but she was with her new boyfriend and did not approach her. What would any of you suggest.

Your attorney has no respect. It's not about whether it was ' in writing'. It's about whether you have enough respect for yourself and for the person that helped get you out of trouble in the first place. This is why no one likes attorneys. They are greedy S.O.B.s with no compassion whatsoever. You said it yourself, she loaned you the money. Give it back. If you're unsure about whether she's OK with seeing you, send her an e-mail (which you already did) mentioning you'd like to return her rightful money to her and wait for her reply. She said she's concerned about the money because you're good for it when it was time to pay it back. She trusted you then, let her be right about that trust. Give it back.

And tell your lawyer to stop being greedy.

You gave all the evidence I would need in court, you in your first sentence said she "loaned' you the money, You did not say she gave you the money as a gift. So since you have now admitted publicly that it was a loan, yes you pay it back.

From a legal standpoint, you do not have to give a gift back, but have to pay a loan back.

I am sure your attorney told you not to ever call it a loan, but always call it a gift. Your attorney also did not count in the moral issues, and of course would have been glad for a fee to defend you if you ex sued you.

Next you are correct lawyers doing their job do not show compassion, they do not look at the moral issues, and they do not care about right and wrong. ( at least they don't if they do their job properly)

Law is just that, the legal system, the lawyer is to find ways for you to win, within the law. A criminal attorney will try to get evidence thrown out so that the worst criminal can walk free ( no right or no moral good) but they follow the law.

Many attorneys help the poor, they work for little pay to help others but when they do their job, they are to it fully

Paying her back isn't the issue, if I didn't I would not feel good about my decision. We did not separate on the best of terms. And, after the separation I learned some interesting things that while I was involved with her I could not see. So I'm mad at her, I haven't said boo to her since the break up 10 months ago, I am really looking for the classiest way to give her the money back, was thinking a Christmas card with cashier check no signature, to having a meeting with her give her the check and thank her for the loan and express my gratitude. How would you handle the situation.

Classy? You meet with her, give her the check, thank her for her support when you needed it, shake hands (or hug or do whatever feels right) and walk away, knowing you did the right thing.

Less classy? Sending the money to her in guaranteed funds. Why would you want it to be anonymous? Include a note to say thanks for being there when you needed her.

A Christmas card? Not unless it's a Christmas gift which we both know it isn't.

As far as what she was or wasn't involved in and your feelings... she was there when you needed a hand. Keep that in the front of your mind, close this relationship and move on.

On a side note - you really are a stand up guy. You'd be AMAZED at what people post when they are trying to get out of repaying a loan. Congrats!

If I was a stand up guy I would be able to forgive her for her transgressions. I'll be forever grateful for her generosity but pissed at the way she treated me. Paying her back is the guilt free way of holding a grudge. While I owed her a lot of money I will be curious if she gives me my property back. My conscience will be clear.

- And how YOU feel about YOU is all that matters. Maybe you can't get over the situation BUT you can handle yourself in a "classy" fashion.

Just give her a certified check, and no fan fare or drama, and a simple thank you note. MAIL IT, certified so she has to sign for it to cover your butt later, just in case. DONE, without drama.

Why make such a big deal from doing the right thing? What do you want, a medal or something??