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-   -   I broke up with my boyfriend after 4 years, how can I get him back? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=619125)

  • Dec 12, 2011, 04:21 PM
    pop_oste
    I broke up with my boyfriend after 4 years, how can I get him back?
    5 weeks ago I broke up with my boyfriend. I broke up with him because I wanted to be with other guys, and try to be free. I wanted to move to another country, and he didn't. I just thought we weren't compatible anymore. For a long time he had been annoying me, being way to sweet and every time he touched me, I got annoyed and sex wasn't good anymore, it was more of a duty.

    After I broke up with him, I can see very clearly that I created some problems in my head, that could have been avoided, if I had just told him about my thoughts earlier on.
    I love him and always have. I have never doubted that.

    We met one week ago just to talk, after a month of no communication at all. During this month I thought a lot about my decision, and I became more and more unsure. After we met this Monday, I am sure that I want to be with him and try again.

    The thing is, he is not sure what he wants. He wants to find himself now after the shock I gave him, and he needs space he says. He says that he thinks I am amazing, and that he might want to be with me again, but he can not say anything for certain yet.

    Right now I don't know what to do. Should I tell him that I want him back? Or should I wait and give him the space he needs? I am just so afraid to let him get over me. I have no idea how to act right now. Complete honesty should be the answer, but maybe it would scare him off.

    What do you think? Please help, I am devastated.
  • Dec 12, 2011, 05:24 PM
    TrueFaith
    Buyers guilt and break up guilt are one and the same


    What your feeling now is your longing for more of the same that comfort feeling you use to have with him, which you mistook for dull and how can sweet be annoying?

    If you had them problems in the relationship you should have spoke about it first and work as a couple to over come them. You going off and leaving is not the way to do it
    And of course the guy isn't sure he wants you back you portable really Hurt him.


    If you go back with him won't the sex still be the same and those annoying things still get on your nerves?

    If you are ready to make a commitment with him and work on your relationship together

    I say go for it but if you think just going back to him and thinking everything will be the same that just won't work

    Talk to him tell him how you feel and if your willing to work with him on a better relationship. Together tell him about the reasons you left be honest and get all your cards on the table and work at them together

    That is the key to a good. Relationship

    All the best
  • Dec 12, 2011, 05:45 PM
    LuckyChucky13
    You know the saying ' We don't know what we got till it's gone' ?

    That's what happened here and you're realising that you would LOVE to have that sweet person back in your life. I do believe that he was shocked with your decision to leave, especially after 4 years and knowing he treated you well and was sweet to you. I don't know the guy, so it's hard to say what his feelings and thoughts are at this moment, but there are a couple of things he might be thinking about:

    1) If I let her back in so easily, she will take me for granted again very easily thinking that she can come and go as she please, and may well do it again. I don't want to feel unwanted and unappreciated again, so I will give it time and see if she really wants this relationship. If she does, she'll put in the effort and let it be known. In the meantime, I will let her see other guys (which he may have suspected, by the way, because intuition is stronger than we think) and if she decides that I am who she wants to be with, time will take care of that.
    Or...
    2) If she left me now, after 4 years together, who's to say she won't do it again after another 4 years? I thought she loved me and wanted to be with me, but clearly I was wrong. I am hurt and unable to look at her the same way. I will give myself time to figure things out and see if I miss her as time goes by.

    It's hard to know what someone is feeling unless they tell you to your face and show you with their actions. If you don't want to give up on this relationship, remind him once in a while (by e-mail, or text, or sending him something he likes) with a small note telling him you miss him and would like to be with him again. And leave it at that. The ball is now in his court and the decision is his.

    Also, make sure you're ready to deal with the relationship if it were to get on track once again. You want to make sure that the sex is no longer a 'duty', but something enjoyable and that his sweetness will only increase your appreciation of him. Think about these things because if he does come back into your life and want answers, you need to have sincere answers as to what all this means to you.

    Good luck.
  • Dec 12, 2011, 06:33 PM
    talaniman
    Instead of talking honestly you dumped the guy. Explored couldn't find what you wanted and expect him to be waiting with open arms. Of course he will be cautious, and unreceptive. You hurt him, and he will have to get through that, and maybe he already has.

    I think you live and learn on this one, and be willing to be honest in the future. All you can do is be honest now, if he wants to listen, but that's up to him.

    Sorry, no magic tricks can help you, nor are there any quick fixes. But I suggest you don't
    Push to hard, as for sure he will resent pressure even more.

    Quote:

    Complete honesty should be the answer, but maybe it would scare him off.
    That's the chances you have to take.
  • Dec 19, 2011, 12:51 PM
    pop_oste
    Should I tell him how I feel or is it too soon? I need you guys!
    6 weeks ago I broke up with my boyfriend, because I thought we needed some time apart to see the relationship in a new perspective.
    Now, after 6 weeks, I am certain that I want to be with him and work on the relationship.
    The thing is, I am not sure how he feels about it. We've been talking a little bit, and he says that he needs time. I did not tell him that I want him back, I just told him that I had a lot of thought going on.

    Tomorrow I'm going to meet up with him. I do not think he knows what he wants just yet.

    My question is: Should I tell him how I feel now? Or should I wait? How should my approach be in order to get him back, with success? Any advice is welcome!

    THANK YOU!
  • Dec 21, 2011, 08:45 PM
    talaniman
    You tell him straight up, and honestly what the meet up is about, and you listen to what he has to say.

    THERE ARE NO Guaranteed APPROACHES TO GETTING AN EX BACK!

    Its up to him.

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