Ask Me Help Desk - Girlfriend and I broke up but she talks about future.

OK. Well this is my first post.
My girlfriend and I broke up last night.
I was dating this girl for 10 months and we are relatively young. Also, about half of our relationship has been a long distance relationship with me at college and her at home. We have both been faithful to each other and haven't really experienced much difficulties. However this past week we went on a break because we were both bored, got back together then 3 days later broke up completely.

She told me she was unhappy and that she just wants to be free and be single which I understand because things with us are fairly serious so I can imagine why she would want to do that and try new things. However, I love this girl a great deal. And after this week of ups and downs I snapped last night while we were on the phone and made things a lot worse than they should have been. Now she is very pissed at me but says that she still loves me and that when she comes here for school next year that we will get back together.

I would love more than anything right now for that to happen, but I don't want to be strung along. I want to make it so I can't talk to her, but I just don't know what to do. I am really worried that she is saying all of this trying to let me down easily out of the relationship.

I guess I'm just asking for advice on what I should do and how I should go about things.
Thanks.

I think that she just want to have some fun... Probably things have changed while you two were apart. People change, feelings change... I can't tell what happened, but these are only my thoughts.

Maybe you should take some time off from her. I think this is what she wants from you. But this doesn't mean she doesn't love you anymore! She says she wants you to get back together next year... How realistic is this to you?

I would suggest that you both go on with your lives and see how things go. Keep in touch though; call her, talk to her, remain good friends, but don't push too hard on things. See how things go. I know it's not going to be easy because of all the feelings involved, but sometimes, it might be the best thing to do. If it's meant to be, you'll get back together sooner or later!
Good luck to you! :)

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now she is very pissed at me but says that she still loves me and that when she comes here for school next year that we will get back together.

Give her what she wants and carry on with your life as if you are single, oh wait, you ARE single. Leave her alone and enjoy your life without her, and see how things work when(?) she gets back. I never advise anyone to wait for someone to maybe come back and she will do her thing and you should be doing yours. When I say leave her alone I mean NO contact What so ever, no phones, letters, or texting, assuming your feelings where strong and you have to get over the loss. Most time calling and trying to be friends only keeps a false hope alive and stops you from being able to move on. Your call.

Yeah, definitely you shouldn't wait for her to come back to you.
Let's be realistic, what if she won't come back?

Go on with your life, concentrate on your own things, give each other a break (in the case she'll come back, it'll be considered a "break").

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Give her what she wants and carry on with your life as if you are single, oh wait, you ARE single. Leave her alone and enjoy your life without her, and see how things work when(?) she gets back. I never advise anyone to wait for someone to maybe come back and she will do her thing and you should be doing yours. When I say leave her alone I mean NO contact What so ever, no phones, letters, or texting, assuming your feelings where strong and you have to get over the loss. Most time calling and trying to be friends only keeps a false hope alive and stops you from being able to move on. Your call.

I'm trying to carry on. And I realize that this will be a tough endeavour. I made myself a promise to not make contact with her. To let her contact me. While I know I shouldn't be having hope for things to possibly continue in the future, I kind of do, but it won't stop me from seeing other girls and trying to live life and become my own person again.

But I don't really know how to become my own person. It's been a while. And I'm stuck on a campus full of people I don't really gel with. But I am trying to enjoy life and become my own person again.

Last night she was crying hysterically and saying she didn't want to break up because she would rather me be happy and her be unhappy than to have me be unhappy. She just doesn't want to be trapped in this right now especially since she's coming here next year. But she began to get snappy with me and I don't really deal well with that well especially when I've been on an emotional rollercoaster. So I got angry and I ended up crying and I said "you want this break so bad, well you just f***ing got it". She then hung up on me.

I finally got a hold of her tonight just so I could apologize to her and then talk things over in a more civilized manner but she was being a cold-hearted b***h to me. The worst she's ever been to me. She is absolutely livid. I can do this whole break up thing but I hate thinking that she is that angry at me.

After tonight I have decided to cut all contact and whatnot, but do you think that me giving her all of that space will make her any less angry with me? I just want things to hopefully work out in the future and I know that's a bad thing for me to think about right now.

So it seems the two of you are showing some of your worst to each other. It can be powerful to push each other's buttons and test limits. It can also be some rough lessons.

Calling it off for now is really a safe bet and a good way to end the struggle. I don't mean to sound like a freakin' valentine card here but what I know of true love, and I mean real true love is that it will not be denied. So even if you don't trust her or even if you don't trust yourself, you really ought to trust that. If the two of you are really meant for each other, you'll manage to find your way back.

Its pretty clear, you both need some time to do some growing (understandably) and it seems the relationship is getting in the way of that (understandably). When the "we" part overshadows, time to concentrate on the "you" part. You are one half of the "we" so if you improve that, the "we" improves too, whether that "we" ends up with her again or not. Did you follow that? I hope so. Wish her well and begin the search for you. You're going to need to learn to be your own person, to have and know yourself well in order to have the kind of satisfying relationship that really works longterm. You really will.

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after tonight I have decided to cut all contact and whatnot, but do you think that me giving her all of that space will make her any less angry with me? I just want things to hopefully work out in the future and I know that's a bad thing for me to think about right now.

Your right forget her for now. Find YOU

You should wait for her if you love her... if the love is true.. set it free.. if it comes back to you, it's yours.. if it doesn't, it never was. Ask yourself.. do you love her.. can you give her just one more year?Maybe she's confused by your behaviour.. by your confusion... girls need security..

Back off.

Be nice, be respectful.

Start to move on without her. If she needs you enough, shell come back. You can't make her know if she needs you as long as she thinks she still has you.

Be friendly, don't burn bridges, don't plan on being with her.

It might work out. It might not.

I know it's a lot harder to actually do this when you're in the middle of it, but its just the best advice I can give you from someone who has been there.