My boyfriend and I have been together for about three years living together for about 2 and a half. We had always had a VERY active and enjoyable sex life. About six months ago he started having problems staying hard during sex. I got a little frustrated at first but we talked about it and he said that he thought we were having sex too much, so we stopped having sex every night.

I thought maybe he was not feeling as excited as he used to feel so on the nights we did have sex I would try and spice things up by doing little striptease, buying some sexy outfits and trying new things... All of which seemed to work for a couple of months. So our every night sex life turned to 3 to 4 times a week which I was OK with. After a couple of months he started wanting it less and less (1 to 2 times a week). Again I started to get frustrated and tried to talk to him and he just got defensive. So I decided to wait for him to just initiate sex... I soon found out that if I did that we would never have sex again. He just seemed to have lost interest completely.

The past two months have become very bad and I'm so frustrated I'm ready to just give up and move on. Every time we have sex it just seems like he's doing it just because I want him to. I try everything to get him excited like I did before but nothing seems to work. He started falling asleep during sex. I thought maybe he was just tired the first time but he would be wide awake and fall asleep while I'm going down on him. He has faked getting off more than once. He never bothers to even try and get me off anymore ( I admit I sometimes take awhile and I don't care if I get off every time we have sex but sometimes would be nice... I have needs too and don't feel I should have to take care of them by myself). He hardly ever shows me any kind of affection anymore.

The last straw was last weekend I came home one night pretty late and for the first time in MONTHS when I walked in the door he acted like he wanted me and was attracted to me and initiated sex and didn't fall asleep! I was so happy I could have popped. It felt like he was finally attracted to me again. The next night I was on the computer and a bunch of porn sited popped up, turns out he had spent the night looking at porn and that was why he finally wanted me again. Don't get me wrong I don't care if he looks at porn, he can masturbate all day long if he wants, but not when he is not taking care of my needs too. I just felt crushed that he had to look at porn for an hour to get excited enough to WANT to have sex with me. It just makes me feel like I'm not good enough and he is not attracted to me.

I have tried to talk to him about this many times and now its just pointless because he just gets upset. He is very good to me and takes care of me and tries to make me happy in anyway he can other than in the bedroom. Do you think I'm putting too much pressure on sex? Or is he just not attracted to me anymore? I want to fix this but I'm running out of ideas... And getting more frustrated everyday!

Lux Larson,

Weclome to this beautiful site, first!

To be precise - You and he had 2 1/2years, love-sex life, of which last 6 months, he started showing less interest in sex. One day, he popped up again, but only after watching porn for some time.

There are ups and downs in sex life too. You talked with him, you said. But, what did he say? I believe he is into 'sex holiday' for a while, not in the sex-form, which he can regain sooner than later, I hope.

Too much concern about sex, NOT enough in other areas of the relationship. Make love to the mind, and the body will follow.

Do you work?

Ive been there on both sides.

You got to talk if you want to continue,
Make sure you are both on the same agenda.

Why you got together in the first place & stayed. What's the plan?
Did you ever have one?