Hello, So I'm going through this terrible time in our relationship. I love my fiancé very much, but I find himself being very self-centred sometimes. So we're getting married next year in December. Like every girl in the world, I want to have a good wedding (not very luxurious, but a decent one).

I'm from India, and so is he; and in our culture parents pay most for the weddings. Usually the bride's side organizes the wedding and reception is done by the male's side. However, our situation is messed up because his parents are not financially stable to pay for the wedding, but he works at a nice place and he has a fairly good pay. Since his parents won't pay for the reception and all, he is responsible for that.

Now, we have had this conversation before about the car he wants to get before we get married. He has told me this before and we have fought over this several times and my suggestion is that he waits till we get married and once we're settled together, we can buy a car. He has refused several times and again he brought the same topic up. What bothers me is that we won't start our wedding on a happy note not being very financially stable because he would be buying an expensive car and will be in debt.

We had a long fight today over this because he tells me not to control him. I'm not controlling him in any way. I just want our marriage to start nicely. I'm graduating next year in May and I hope to find a job as soon as I graduate. However, I can't guarantee that I will find a job by the time we get married. This is another one of my fears because I don't want to be a burden on him right after getting married. I feel really bad because we said some nasty things to each other today. I just lost it today and now when I think about this, this should never have happened.

I love him very much and we both talked about breaking up today. I can't break up with him, but at the same time I can't be with him if he keeps his car as a priority and treat me like I don't exist and not think about the wedding.

Please help me and tell me what to do?

Oh goodness! Well, it sounds like you have a lot going on. School, relationship, wedding, and looking for a new career, not to mention your family obligations. Well, obviously I can only speak from my experience-I'm not a marriage counselor or anything. Money can be a contentious issue in any relationship, and it's really important to figure out how you guys are going to manage it, not just in the near future, but for the sake of the rest of your lives. My mother told me that she and my father didn't really talk about finances for the first few years of their marriage, and my dad silently carried all this stress and burden, while my mother thought we were just going along, fancy-free. But then they sat down and went over the budget together, and approached it as a team, and that's how they've been ever since. For like 37 years or something. When it comes to issues that are cause stress in your relationship, I've found that it helps greatly to approach it as a team, as opposed to two separate sides arguing about a problem. That way, you are united against the problem, instead of fighting with each other. Because you're really fighting for your happy coupledom, aren't you? You're on Mr. and Mrs. Nursingpassion's side in the battle against Money Troubles, not Mr. Nursingpassion against Mrs. Nursingpassion fighting about Money Troubles.

While you may disagree on how to attack issues, it becomes easier to meet halfway and find solutions for attacking the problem that is threatening your marriage. When you unite in a "war" against a threat, you're both fighting for a cause, and it helps bring you closer together in a way. With time, it becomes easier to see each other's viewpoints. But one of the most important keys is that you both must keep your minds open and remember that you are not fighting each other, you are fighting the problem.

That being said, if you have serious doubts about getting married, like that you know deep, deep inside the answer really is no, you might want to push the discussion of postponing or cancelling that wedding. Otherwise, realize that while money may seem like the most important thing right now, several years down the road you might be thinking about how silly it was that you were worried about your marriage over money.

See this as your first test in dealing with resolving issues together. If you cannot resolve them, what's the point in getting married.

Obviously you both have different priorities, and ways of seeing and handling things, but a marriage is about two people who are partners.

Maybe letting him pay for his fancy sports car before you get married is your solution. Ask him.