Hi I have been with my partner for 12 years, recently he became distant and cold. We are due to get married in the next few months. When I confronted him he said he didn't want to separated, and that he still loves me but he's not sure if he is as in love with me as as he should be. We have agreed to go to counselling, and have tried to open up with each other, but I feel that I'm in limbo. Just don't know what to do!

He has cold feet. He is also in limbo and getting married is a huge step in ones life. There is always hope. But in order to be a team you have to have 2 to tango. You can't do it all by yourself.

See how the counseling goes. It can help you both find ways to possibly reconnect. There is the possibility that you may also discover that you have grown in different directions.

This doesn't automatically mean things are over, just that you will have to figure out how to get back on the same track as each other or navigate the relationship in a new direction.

Here's hoping that's all it is... I do feel like I'm doing all the work trying to give him what he wants including postponing the wedding... I also having doubts about him... is he cheating, is there someone else, and I know there's not but my mind is racing... im not sleeping I'm bearly eating just don't know what to do

He is scared to get married, you are scared he doesn't want to. Stay in counseling, and take care of your own health.

I think you both want to be together, but its him who needs to overcome whatever fear he has.

Maybe counseling will reveal that reason. What started this marriage thing after 12 years??

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Originally Posted by LaShady

firs 0f all u have 2 make sure that U are in l0ve with him..and if ur feelins are as str0ng as they use 2..cuz it c0uld affect u later 0n in the future.... and als0 make sure if hes in l0ve with u..
think ab0ut th0se 12 years uv'e been 2gether...was it go0d en0ugh 2 spend the rest 0f ur life with him..
ask him the same questi0n... ask him if hes sure he want 2 spend the rest 0f his life with U...

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To talaniman... thanks for your response... we split 3 years ago for 6 weeks.. he came back and asked me to try again and we did and things were great and a year later he asked me to marry him... so not sure we're we stand.. things have improved and the counselling is helping... taking every day as it comes but some days I still just find myself wondering if he's only doing it for me...

Lolly Lynch,

Welcome to this beautiful site, frist! Talk to him, get to some counselling session, and try to get to know the core of the reason of prostination and the cold feet, he is having. There are plenty of issues, which can be cracked/solved only through talk, walk and counselling. Communicate your feelings to him.

Some guys like the idea of not feeling trapped, and having an escape route, or don't want the traditional ways to mess up what they have.

Have you discussed the legal benefits of marriage, or why you want to go to this traditional custom yourself? Let me ask you what difference does it make to YOU??

Hi all thank you so much for all the advice, just an update,we are still together going really strong,it took a great deal of time and hard work but we are way stronger then we have ever been, postponed the wedding to give ourselves time to work on us, we are now getting married in feb and he is so excited about it... will let ye know of our progress...
To any one in a similar situation counselling did help, and talking and us both making a bit more effort to spend time with each other...